Devastated

LegacyUser

Hello all,

I am a long time reader and i would very much appreciate if you guys could read my situation and give me you views and help.

I apologise for the upcoming longish post.

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A little background first:

I am a 24 y/o male and i have never really had many partners in my late teens and twenties when compared to my early teens. This i feel is due to many factors. One is that my parents decided when i was 16 that getting out of Dublin and moving to the country would benefit the development of the kids in the family etc. This of course had a major inpact on me as i was of the age when many teens are experimenting with relationships etc for the first time. This did not bother me at all but making new friends and starting over took time. I made plenty of friends eventually and used to go out clubbing and partying, like most of us do at that age. Then when i will 18, my youngest brother was diagnosed with a very serious illness and this hit me and the family like a tonne of bricks. We were always a close family but when this happened it kinda made us pull together like never before. Over the course of the next 3 years i had to be there for my family and look after the "middle brother", there are 3 brothers and i am the oldest. This left very little time to go out with friends and over time i lost contact with many of them. I went to college to study as i thought this might be a way for me to get my mind off things and in many ways it did, but my brother and family still needed me and this led to me leading a "not to mad" student life. I didn't go out much and this of course led to me not making very close friends while in college. I studied and got an honors degree which i myself an so proud of because i was under alot of pressure.

Fast forward to today:

About 1 year ago some of my closest mates were talking about going to Australia for 2 years and wanted me to go. The thing is at that very time, i met what was to me, an amazing woman while i was visiting a friend in Paris. She is also from east Europe but i won't name the country. So anyway the time came to decide, go to Aus with my mates OR take a chance with this woman who told me she was mad into me and wanted us to be together etc. Now i am starting to see now that i may have still been and still am not over the events of the previous years and this maybe led to me jumping at the chance to be happy with someone. So i chose her and told my mates i would pass on Aus so i could make an effort at her. We got on so well and i visited her every few weeks, taking flights to be with her. She could not come over to me for a few reasons. I love this woman and she told me she felt the same before. Then came Christmas and i noticed a change in her towards me. When i asked her about it she brushed it off as, she was just in a bad mood etc. We used to keep in contact via, e-mail/sms/phone etc but she has started to completely stop making the effort to contact me. Recently her efforts have dropped to near 0 and just over the past 5 days she has not replied to any sms and will not answer the phone to me. So it looks like i have been taken for a ride and i am totally in shock and devastated.

I just don't see why nothing can seem to ever go ok for me. I mean i really put alot into the relationship and now i feel totally used. I keep asking myself, what have i done to deserve this? I just don't know.... I think i am too nice and i seem to get hurt because of that fact.

I am in full time work and the fact that ALL of my best mates from college have gone together to Aus i find myself coming home in the evenings and just watching TV and Movies etc.

I need some advice on what to do folks. 1) What do i do about her? 2) What can i do to get out and make new friends?

I see many of you talk of "Boards Beers" and maybe join some clubs to make new friends. I would love to go the the "Boards Beers" and maybe some of you can give me some info on clubs and societies that i could join etc.

Thanks for reading...

Silverfish

I had a long-term relationship end there on Friday, but at least I knew why and what happened, it can be very difficult when it just ends for no discernable reason.
Come to the beers, we can be miserable together.


Pm me if you need to.

MojoMaker

Go join your mates in Oz and stop being such a whiney wuss.

LegacyUser

'Joining them is not really an option now. Financially i could not afford to go to Oz now. But thanks for your constructive contribution.'

yellowellie

Devastated, I don't think you're whiney, you've been hurt and justifiably so. Are your mates going to be in Oz for another while? Could you join them now? It sounds like you'll have to put this one down to experience. We (girls) are not all that heartless, selfish and gutless.

Maybe it's all for a reason. Maybe you're supposed to go to Oz now and meet the (real) girl of your dreams..

From the advice you've looked for it seems that Oz is no longer on the cards. If that's the case, your attitude is really good by wanting to 'get out there' again, it'll take time to get into the swing of things again after being hurt but you're starting out well with a good attitude..

Rb

Theres a beers this weekend if you're interested, check Sys -> Events.

Regarding the girl, these things happen man, just try to forget about it and move on. Thats all you can do really, the quicker its behind you the quicker you move on to new women/ find the new girl of your dreams and be happy again.

HelterSkelter

Exactly, quit your jobs, pack your bags and forget about her. You'll look back in a few years and realise it was your best decision

Kell

Silverfish wrote:

I had a long-term relationship end there on Friday,

Offers head massage to alleviate stress

OP- in all your background stuff you never mentioned anything about women in your life, past relationships etc. Have you had more than this one relationship? Was she your 15th or 5th GF?

Looks to me like its the first time you have been had by a shítty GF. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. There is no point in asking what you did to deserve it or ponder it any further. Thats just a defeatist waste of time. Seriously, forget the episode and move on cutting all contact with the girl.

If I see you at the beers, I can give you a head massage too. V relaxing I am told.

K-

humbert

Unfortunately you make choices and sometimes they work out sometimes they don't. growing up isn't about always making the right choice, you just don't know. but it's about accepting that sometimes things go wrong, sometimes a lot. You can't expect relationships to end with a happily ever after, you try your best, enjoy it while it's good and move on when it's over(very very easy for me to say I know). You didn't go to aus, you can't change that now so there's no point on dwelling on the decision

cheeky_guy

It sounds like you have been chasing after her too hard. Even though she lives in another country and you dont get to see her that often you HAVE to still play it cool. You cant be ringing her and txting her every day telling her how much ya love her and all the rest because being a woman and being an idiot like they all are, that will actually put her off. You should have let it go a couple of days without txting or ringing her every now and then. Its problady too late now for this advice but the only way to try and salvage anything from this is just forget about her for a couple of days. If she txt's you DONT write back until you get more advice here. Then we'll tell ya how to get this beeach wrapped around your little finger!!

Black Swan

rb_ie wrote:

Theres a beers this weekend if you're interested, check Sys -> Events.

I felt so sad for you! Go to beers and be with some boardsies this weekend.

Zambia

I once had a choice of staying in ireland with a girl ofr going to Oz for the year

I went to Oz she meet someone else I believe they are now married...Always wondered for years if i should have stayed.

In the end I met someone else , who is fupping everything i ever wanted.

So these things happen you just get to wonder what the year in Oz would have been like had you gone. As opposed to me wondering if I had stayed.

Life after all "its just a ride"

scojones

I feel bad for you OP. Relationships ending are bad enough, without having sacrificed alot for it. It's not the end of the world though. Go to OZ, chillax with your friends and you'll soon forget all about her. I'm sure they will welcome you with open arms and you'll find a more suitable woman when the time is right. It might not be what you want at the moment, but when the time is right it'll happen. Best to travel and clear your head. The worst thing you can do is stay at home dwelling about this whole situation, and thinking of how your friends are living it up. Go over to them, man!

Sorry to hear about your relationship Silverfish. We can drown our sorrows on Saturday. Huzzah!

Beruthiel

MojoMaker wrote:

stop being such a whiney wuss.

Mojo
You know better than to make such a comment.

If you cannot say something helpful, please refrain from commenting at all.
B

james123

Go to Australia, simple as, your mates are still there believe me youll get over that girl fast over there

secret_squirrel

I think you are feeling down and looking at things in too negative a light.

Yes you've probably been dumped, but you've presumably had the guts of a whole year with this girl. Thats not that bad, and I'll bet you will have some great memories of the last year once you get past getting dumped.

Life goes on - even if you cant make it to Oz, start saving now, there's nothing stopping you going later. It might be quite likely that one or more of your mates will stop over there, and if not, there's thousands of other Irish people over there.

'Might have beens' are one of the most poisonous things you can do to yourself. Don't go there.

sweet-rasmus

i'm glad you took a chance with the girl, even if it didn't work out. you may have gone to Oz and always questioned that judgement and your possible love for the rest of your life. but now you know, even though it was at a price. try to keep it cool and things will pick up in a while; you'll see.

also: am glad to see the encouragement for the boards beers in the thread your oppertunities to meet people are jumping at you!