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About The Clockwork

  • 19-02-2007 3:12pm
    #1
    geuro
    Closed Accounts Posts: 336 ✭✭


    Hi folks
    Never had anyone to comment on what i write
    This one is pretty old, it was written when i was in school
    Hope it is not too crude
    I'd love to get some feedback
    :)

    About the Clockwork

    All the time you thought you knew me but i never let you see the place i keep my masturbation face.
    You don't know my face.

    All the time you thought you saw me but i never let you see the perverts and the bullsh1t in my face.
    You don't know my face.

    Fear and lies you see entwined in turmoil rooted in subconcious barricades disguising my disgrace.
    Now you know my face.

    Find
    all that i hide,
    sharing will cast aside,
    shame,
    like a pesticide,
    love all i hate to hide.


Comments

  • #2
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    The first line is very interesting.

    I think you need to lose the forced rhyme of the last stanza though, it just takes away from it...


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