If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)

Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

About The Clockwork

geuro · 2007-02-19 15:12:35

Hi folks Never had anyone to comment on what i write This one is pretty old, it was written when i was in school Hope it is not too crude I'd love to get some feedback :) About the Clockwork All the time you thought you knew me but i never let you see the place i keep my masturbation face. You don't know my face. All the…

19-02-2007 04:12PM

#1

geuro

Closed Accounts Posts: 336 ✭✭

Join Date: January 2007

Posts: 298

Hi folks
Never had anyone to comment on what i write
This one is pretty old, it was written when i was in school
Hope it is not too crude
I'd love to get some feedback

About the Clockwork

All the time you thought you knew me but i never let you see the place i keep my masturbation face.
You don't know my face.

All the time you thought you saw me but i never let you see the perverts and the bullsh1t in my face.
You don't know my face.

Fear and lies you see entwined in turmoil rooted in subconcious barricades disguising my disgrace.
Now you know my face.

Find
all that i hide,
sharing will cast aside,
shame,
like a pesticide,
love all i hate to hide.

0

Comments

#2 21-02-2007 10:10PM

shiv

Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭

Join Date: July 2004

Posts: 335

The first line is very interesting.

I think you need to lose the forced rhyme of the last stanza though, it just takes away from it...

0