What to do!

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Unregistered for this one as Im a bit embarressed. Im 25 and ive feeling pretty low since before christmas. I got this very lonely feeling snice before christmas. I have a long story. I took up a sport in 2004 probably..after messing around with it for a few years..but decided to get very dedicated for 18 months. I also got very extreme on my dedication..decided there would be no partying or girlfriends..which due to all the training I was actually too tried for in the end. Anyway I got injured in september, which knocked me back a good bit.
Anyway..Im not the kind of guy who falls for women easily, but I managed to get two crushes in 2004, the second one worked out ok!..I was never upset about losing her for some reason, but the first girl I was very upset for about 2 months. Anyway the first weekend of January..i stupidly decided to look at those myspaces site and found out the girl I wasnt upset about is in a relationship. Now Im happy for her, but I've taken it bad. Im very regretful about how my relationship with her finished. I really cant believe why it has taken 2 years for me to get upset over it.
Now to add to this, my friends have all moved on, they've got on with their lifes. Some are all over the world. Others I dont really want to hang around with. I dont class myself as a loaner, but I just think Ive made a mess of a lot of things in the last 2 years. I have different friends, we wouldnt head out every week, due to sport. I just feel ive made a mess of things. I dont know what to do with myself.
Has anyone got any advice. I felt awful around christmas time, purely because I didnt have a crush on anyone. Ive havent been happy for a couple of months now. Has anyone got any advice??

Thanks

LegacyUser

'Hey I am was in the same boat as you are now a while back, just coming out of it now myself really. I had not been working for a long while and all my friends were flying high with their respective careers, also I fell hard for a girl I had known for a long time after a brief romantic relationship. That got me very down, on top of the rest of it and I thought I had messed up my life for good and started playing the blaming game and going over all the decisions I had made in my head and asking myself "what IF?" but it really gets you nowhere. I stopped wallowing and now I am starting a new chapter in my life, moving away from it all and starting again. There is always hope.'

InFront

Why did you decide to put so much energy into the sport to begin with? Do you think it was because you were fed up of relationships/ women/ this woman - or because you just genuinely wanted to commit yourself to developing your skills/ improving your game/ technique/ ability?
Just to be clear - you had just finished up a relationship before you got dedicated to the sport, is that right?

It sounds a bit like the injury last September was an uncontrolled end to a relationship which you had invested a lot of your time in, and seems to have come to nothing. Just like the previous relationship, if I'm reading your post properly.
Whereas the girl you left behind ages ago, is apparently doing great.

I think personal web-pages can be disastrous for people who break up with their partners. They invariably keep checking on them. They're just a front, nobody is going to write on their myspace/ bebo page "I'm so depressed about Lost and Alone, etc.". So don't read too much into them. On myspace, everything is great, and everyone is very happy. I'm sure if she saw your page, she'd draw the same conclusion.
However, she has probably dealt with the end of your relationship, and is probably now over you.

I would guess that this was your mistake - you just put her to the back of your mind. When the sport went, she re-surfaced.

I think you need to deal with the problem head on - which means taking it on the chin. Try not to get so drawn into relationships, don't fall in love too easily, have fun. 25 is not too old to have fun, don't watch the clock, don't listen to what your friends are doing.

You said you felt awful at Christmas because you didn't have a crush on anyone. Try to understand why you think you need to have a crush on a girl? If you solve that, you put yourself back in control somewhat. I'm not sure if it's anything people here can fill you in on.

Have you considered seeing a counselor? or do you have any close friends who you would feel comfortable discussing this with? Preferably men. I think the root of this problem is understanding why not being in a relationship is stressful for you.

LegacyUser

'Well, you can look at this a number of ways: I did when I went through a similar situation

Firstly, you don’t need to have a crush on anyone or have a women hanging off your shoulder to be happy. Although most ppl think this facade presents them a happy person. Enjoy your life, you will meet some when the time is right.

Make d most of those who are around u. xmas can always be a lonely time and invoke such feelings in ppl,

Secondly: It seems you slightly lost touch with everyone through been so dedicated. Often this can be a denial issue, refusal to face something, block others out. maybe reminiscing about the past has just got you thinking about lost opportunities, failed friendships etc. and you feel guilty and left behind

People move on & sometimes its wise not to think about the past n about what you should have done etc...

By recognising what has happened 2u you can live for d future. Go to parties, meet girls, enjoy your life to a reasonable extent! Don’t make d mistake you made 18 months ago, make time for friends, and let d past be the past, move on!

If your still feeling down I suggest you go and see your GP (don’t be embarrassed, we've all been there at some stage!)) you don’t want to get even more depressed. you can’t change d past, but you can do something about your future.......
good luck

P.S I agree with INFRONT, stay away from myspaces/bebo!!
the "look who I’m going out with now, haw many friends I have!!""
forget em!'

Victor

unregbob wrote:

'Well, you can look at this a number of ways: I did when I went through a similar situation

Firstly, you don’t need to have a crush on anyone or have a women hanging off your shoulder to be happy. Although most ppl think this facade presents them a happy person. Enjoy your life, you will meet some when the time is right.

Make d most of those who are around u. xmas can always be a lonely time and invoke such feelings in ppl,

Secondly: It seems you slightly lost touch with everyone through been so dedicated. Often this can be a denial issue, refusal to face something, block others out. maybe reminiscing about the past has just got you thinking about lost opportunities, failed friendships etc. and you feel guilty and left behind

People move on & sometimes its wise not to think about the past n about what you should have done etc...

By recognising what has happened 2u you can live for d future. Go to parties, meet girls, enjoy your life to a reasonable extent! Don’t make d mistake you made 18 months ago, make time for friends, and let d past be the past, move on!

If your still feeling down I suggest you go and see your GP (don’t be embarrassed, we've all been there at some stage!)) you don’t want to get even more depressed. you can’t change d past, but you can do something about your future.......
good luck

P.S I agree with INFRONT, stay away from myspaces/bebo!!
the "look who I’m going out with now, haw many friends I have!!""
forget em!'

I have tidied up you post. Please use English in future, not txtspk.

ClareBear

The keep away from your ex's MySpace/Bebo advice isn't always so easy....I only found my ex's site 2 days ago and I've been glued to it since. We broke up 2 years ago and now he's madly in love and the happiest I've ever seen him (I know it's Bebo but I can tell he's really happy)...the things he used to say to me he's now saying to her, the private jokes he shared with me he's now sharing with her. You'd think 2 years after something ends you'd have forgotten about them but sometimes it takes longer for that to move on when you loved someone so much.

I wish I'd never gone near his bloody Bebo page but I have now and all I can think about is how pretty his girlfriend is and how happy he looks now.

And how much I miss him....

OP, I think get out there and do new things, meet new people....be happy for your ex that she's happy and know that you too will find that happiness with someone some day....it's the only little thing that's keeping me going.
Good luck x

oranje

Lost and alone wrote:

Anyway..Im not the kind of guy who falls for women easily, but I managed to get two crushes in 2004, the second one worked out ok!..I was never upset about losing her for some reason, but the first girl I was very upset for about 2 months. Anyway the first weekend of January..i stupidly decided to look at those myspaces site and found out the girl I wasnt upset about is in a relationship. Now Im happy for her, but I've taken it bad. Im very regretful about how my relationship with her finished. I really cant believe why it has taken 2 years for me to get upset over it.
Thanks

The glass sounds half full to me. You can obviously get a girlfriend as you've done it before but like other people have said you shouldn't dwell too much on needing a girlfriend. If you are involved in social activities (does not have to be the pub) you are bound to meet more people you like and I am sure the right girl will also come along in time.