no valentine gift/card. am i overreacting??

dlgal

Ok here it goes, long story but i'll keep it as simple as possible.
Met a guy a few months ago and started going steady pretty much straight away. A few weeks in and i think things are moving too quick, I tell him how im feeling. He doesn't want to finish so we carry on. A week later he dumps me... by txt! A few days later we meet up an things seem to go back to normal, although we are not "goin steady" anymore we still see each other as much as we used to and are doing all the things we did. Things have been a bit up and down over the last few weeks. Anyhow yesterday comes an goes and there is no card, no pressie, no wanting to meet up and not even a text to say happy valentines. So this is were im confused, im feeling really pissed of about not getting anything but i don't no if everyone else would feel like this?? and i just want your opinions. I feel if i mention it to him he will think it is all about me wanting presents an it's not, I just want to feel appriciated, I wouldn't have wanted anyting special, a card would mean more to me than anything. At the moment I feel like this could finish us......

JDxtra

Sounds like a waster. Dump him...

Silverfish

Well, if its any consolation, I'm with my boyfriend 3.5 years and I didn't get a card, a plastic flower, or so much as a post it.*

So, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

However, if its really bothering you, and it seems to be, then you need to talk to him, even just joke about it, and see what he says.

When you say not even a text.....did you text him wanting to meet up? Maybe he was waiting for you to initiate it?





*not bitter, no sir.

dudara

One possibility is that he doesn't know that you're the kind of girl who would have liked such a gesture? You have to let people know what you like and don't like. He isn't a mind reader.

Sony

We obviously dont know the full story here...

A few weeks in you think things are moving too quick,you tell him and he doesnt want to finish? to me this almost sounds as though you were willing to break up with him at this point...That cant have felt good and I might be wrong but this wouldnt have assured him of anything, is it possible that maybe he thinks you just want to see him casually?

What was stopping you from texting him happy valentines yday 1st.maybe he was dissapointed not to hear from you aswell?

In saying that he sounds like he either doesnt really give much of a toss about your relationship,is pissed off with you or is just a few cans short of a six pack!

Mysteron

dudara wrote:

One possibility is that he doesn't know that you're the kind of girl who would have liked such a gesture? You have to let people know what you like and don't like. He isn't a mind reader.

What a ridiculous post. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that your girlfriend would like some sort of a gesture to show that you care about her on valentines day.
You're not over reacting at all. It sounds like he's taking you for granted. Maybe you should ask him straight out why he didn't get you anything, based on his response you might be able to figure out how much he actually cares about you or if he's just wasting your time. If his answer isn't satisfactory, ask yourself if you need a more affectionate boyfriend.

dlgal

''you need to talk to him, even just joke about it, and see what he says''

Yeah I agree but I don't know how to bring it up without making something major out of it. I know i should have said something yesterday because it will be hard to just bring it up out of the blue now. Thanks 4 replyin by d way

dlgal

dudara wrote:

One possibility is that he doesn't know that you're the kind of girl who would have liked such a gesture? You have to let people know what you like and don't like. He isn't a mind reader.

Thanks for replying but it wouldn't mean anything to me if i had to tell him what i wanted.

Fanny Cradock

I would say dump the bum, but are you guys actually going out I found your one letter words difficult to decipher.

dlgal

Sony wrote:

We obviously dont know the full story here...

A few weeks in you think things are moving too quick,you tell him and he doesnt want to finish? to me this almost sounds as though you were willing to break up with him at this point...That cant have felt good and I might be wrong but this wouldnt have assured him of anything, is it possible that maybe he thinks you just want to see him casually?

What you are saying does make sense but i thought we had put all that behind us, i mean he did dump me once because of it.

LundiMardi

From what i can gather, you're not actually gf/bf... So why should he get you anything? And what stopped you texting him ''happy valentines day''?

talkingclock

Mysteron wrote:

What a ridiculous post. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that your girlfriend would like some sort of a gesture to show that you care about her on valentines day.

never understood the need of valentines day. if you love someone you can tell this that person everyday and it doesn't need that special day, invented by the flower industry...

i'm not the person expecting anything on valentines day. what for? our office supplier sent flowers to all the women in the office. FFS why? is this supllier company having an affair with all the girls in the office. are they so in love to them? it's just another commercial perversity of that day.

so either you still love him and then accept that he might be not the guy following a herd on a special day or you don't love him anymore and then don't make a mess out of it as you have nothing to expect.

nesf

Mysteron wrote:

What a ridiculous post. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that your girlfriend would like some sort of a gesture to show that you care about her on valentines day.
You're not over reacting at all. It sounds like he's taking you for granted. Maybe you should ask him straight out why he didn't get you anything, based on his response you might be able to figure out how much he actually cares about you or if he's just wasting your time. If his answer isn't satisfactory, ask yourself if you need a more affectionate boyfriend.

The implication being that if he didn't get her anything that he doesn't care about her? I think you might be subscribing a bit too much to the Hallmark view of the world there.

LegacyUser

'

Mysteron wrote:

What a ridiculous post. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that your girlfriend would like some sort of a gesture to show that you care about her on valentines day.

Maybe he she thought she had her own mind and didn't need to be told by commercial interests when or when not to treat his girlfriend, although that aside there do seem to be a few other issues here!'

hunnymonster

Mysteron wrote:

What a ridiculous post. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that your girlfriend would like some sort of a gesture to show that you care about her on valentines day.

naw, would do nothing for me. I was more impressed that he actually remembered me saying so a couple of weekends ago when there was a lot of alcohol involved.

dlgal

Thanks everyone for replying. I totally understand the whole thing about Valentines being over comercialised and I suppose the fact that I would need a card/present to reassure me that things are ok should tell me there's something missing in our realationship and maybe I'll just have to accept that this isn't going to work out even though I really want it to. I've been in relationships in the past where i was messed about and maybe I have these insecurities because of them. Also the fact that he dumped me out of the blue before, I suppose I'm scared of it happening again and because I didn't see any signs then I feel myself looking for signs and questioning this relationship every minute of every day for the past while. When I'm actually with him everything feels so right and I never know what I was worried about but when I'm on my own again I start questioning it again. I'm sorry for going on a bit but I'm just so confused.

Bob the Builder

JDxtra wrote:

Sounds like a waster. Dump him...

simple post and I agree...

axer

dlgal wrote:

although we are not "goin steady" anymore we still see each other as much as we used to and are doing all the things we did.

Ok so you admit that you are not even going out with this guy but yet you want him to send you a card AND a present. My god woman - grow up! What are you some sort of diva that you expect everything but give nothing in return. Did you send him a card? a present? even a text?

dlgal wrote:

So this is were im confused,

So am I.

dlgal wrote:

im feeling really pissed of about not getting anything but i don't no if everyone else would feel like this??

Poor you. Nope, some of us don't expect things from people we are not "going steady" with.

dlgal wrote:

I feel if i mention it to him he will think it is all about me wanting presents an it's not, I just want to feel appriciated, I wouldn't have wanted anyting special, a card would mean more to me than anything. At the moment I feel like this could finish us......

Well if you are that selfish maybe you don't deserve him. BTW I thought he already dumped you?

ChRoMe

dlgal wrote:

yeah i want to i jus dont no how t bring it up without making something major out of it. i no i should have said something yesterday becaus it will be hard t jus bring it up out of d blue now. thanks 4 replyin by d way

I feel sorry for him attempting to communicate with someone with such a low level of english.

Beruthiel

Chrome
If you have nothing useful to say, please refrain from commenting.

dlgal
your comments are a tad confusing.
Am I right in saying the following:

ye were together.
it was moving too fast for you.
he broke up.
ye still see each other, but are not going steady as you put it.

I'm wondering why he would get anything for V. day if he's not going out with you any longer? I see no reason why he should under those circumstances.

I imagine he's just as confused about this relationship as you seem to be.
Sit down and talk to him, discuss what you want from the relationship and what he wants. Seems to me neither of ye know at the moment, you can guess all you wish but until you discuss it, you just won't know.

dlgal

axer wrote:

you want him to send you a card AND a present. My god woman - grow up! What are you some sort of diva that you expect everything but give nothing in return

Ok i did not expect a card AND a present and I did explain that in my post.

justsomebloke

OP has he received the gift and card that you sent him?

OLDYELLAR

You say "your not going steady" Well then why would he give you something???

If I was seeing somebody on and off and not as you put it "going steady" I wouldnt get them anything either.

Be more in yer line to ask him whats the story like couple or not.

LegacyUser

'I was in the same boat last year. I was going out with a guy for about three months and he completely forgot about valentines. I'm the romantic - like cards with cheesy messages, home cooked dinners etc so when I arrived at his and nothing..no card, no happy valentine greeting etc I was really annoyed. (and yes I had got him a card) So OP I know exactly how you felt. Had it out with him. He said it wasn't important to him which is fair enough but on the other hand it is important to me.

I know loads of people say valentines isn't important but its one day out about of about two (other is birthday) that you can except to be made a fuss off. For those of you, who don't care about valentines that's fine, but some of us still like the day.

I would tell him how you felt about valentines and he may have a very good reason why he didn't contact you. If after this long together you can't say it out straight to him then i'm not sure what to say.'

dr.bollocko

Im a hopeless romantic.
But I ****ing hate valentines day. A lot of people, particularly singletons (is that the right, non-insulting word to use?) harbour a deep-seated resentment of valentine's day and I can understand it.
OP If a card (and obviously, much moreso than the card, the thought behind it, the romantic implications, the happiness of receiving it etc. ) would mean the difference between a relationship and nothing, then I think its safe enough for you to move on now. I think it proves he doesnt know you or possibly that he isn't interested in pleasing you / romancing you.

Fanny Cradock

In the OPs first post she said that they are no longer going steady.

This means they are not going out, woo is not being pitched (certainly not by him) and no one is doing a line.

It's probably already been said, OP, but you need to better define your relationship - i.e. if you have one - before you begin expecting certain romantic gestures off the guy. Who knows, maybe he doesn't want to confuse issues, which they certainly would be if, after breaking up with you, he then started showering you with romantic gifts?

Kell

dlgal wrote:

A few days later we meet up an things seem to go back to normal, although we are not "goin steady" anymore

:rolleyes:

dlgal wrote:

At the moment I feel like this could finish us......

I am sorry, but I dont understand your problem. You dont have a relationship to speak of so why be upset that you didnt get a card? You more than likely have an arrangement whereby you meet up, use eachother for mutually fulfilling contact or sex or both as opposed to a dating/relationship scenario.

By expecting a card/present, you are asking him to step over the non-relationship line, but at the same time, you arent having a relationship as it is.

Bring your expectations in line with your reality and you wont be disappointed.

K-

Nickibaby*

To the OP if yous are just seeing each other now and having fun it doesn't sound like fun to me.

No card or anything? Forget him cuz i hate to say it but it looks like he has already forgot about you.

Time to start looking for someone else...

Chucky the tree

You told me you want to take things slowly, yet you want him to make an effort for valentines?

Crazy.