Never been so depressed

LegacyUser

Hi, firsttime poster here.

So its Valentines Day. A day i used to love. A day where i could show how much i loved a girl.

But now im single and its killing me. I love my ex with all my heart. But she is now seeing someone else (not serious she tells me).

Ive never been soooo depressed in all my life. Driving to work this morning i though about driving my car into a tree or off a bridge.

im siting here at my desk with tears in my eyes trying not to let people see me. I sent my ex a valentines email and all i get back was "Thank you :-)"

sorry for the depressed rant but could do with a bit of help. Please no smart comments

thanks for listening

Beruthiel

cupidmearse wrote:

im siting here at my desk with tears in my eyes trying not to let people see me. I sent my ex a valentines email and all i get back was "Thank you :-)"

I'm not sure what you expected her to say if ye are finished, it would seem the appropriate response to me.

Now, do you like torturing yourself?
Cos staying in contact with an ex that you are trying to get over can only be called torture.
Seriously, you will continue to feel like this until you cut complete contact with her and get on with keeping yourself busy and enjoying your life.
Do yourself a big favour and starting thinking only of yourself from now on.
Today is just another day in Feb and the start of the rest of your life.

r3nu4l

Hi OP, I was in your situation about 9 years ago. Completely, madly in love with a girl I'd been going out with for three years before suddenly being cut off...except that she wanted to remain 'friends' and in contact with me.

Stupidly I allowed this to continue and was so depressed when I would hear back from mutual friends about the great nights out they had had, the laughs with the guys they had met etc. It nearly drove me crazy.

It is not healthy for you to be still in contact with her...they say that if you love someone (who doesn't love you), you should set them free. To my mind this is true, not just because you love them and want them to be happy but also because you need to do so for your own sanity. It's hard and you are going to feel truly awful for a while but you can get past it.

I thought that it was the end for me 9 years ago and now I'm getting married in July and am happier in my life than I ever was with my ex...even though back then I was happy.

This girl may want the security of knowing you are there for her when she needs you without having to go out with you. She may not be doing this conciously but that could be a part of what's happening.

Let her go for good, tell her that you need space without any contact whatsoever and reassess your life. Take time to look after yourself because you need it, you are taking a beating right now.

Lastly, don't ever give in because there is always something new and different around the corner, sometimes you have to look for it, other times it comes to you but either way, it's out there for the taking. Good luck.

challengemaster

yep, like beruthiel said, its just another day in the year.

You're probably best to just sever contact as much as possible with the ex, and move on. She has so why are you dwelling in the past?

I know you can feel really shit some days and just want the world to swallow you up. but imo driving your car into a tree/off a bridge/etc isn't going to do anyone any good.

Why don't you get together with a few of your friends from work/social life who are single too and have a good night tonight. Go out and have fun, its not like its the end of the world if you're single for one over commercialised day in a year, is it?

You'll be fine just move on and all will be well again

chuci

yup valentines day is just an other over priced day of the year that people can do without. i would say break off all contact ther is no point torturing yourself over something you cannot change.i really dont think that driving your car off the road will do anyone any good either.

just try to think about it rationally. as suggested above head out with your frienda go for a few jars and have a good time. although it may seem it this is not the end of the world. and as teriible as this may sound there are plenty more fish in the sea, why not try catch one.
i
v been in a simalar situation and the only thing that made me get over my ex was to break all contact totally and i met a lovely guy two years ago and im happy.

g-punkteffekt

what is it with men and not being able to move on? There are always loads of posts about men not being able to get over their exes but rarely the other way around. Is it easier for women because they can go out and meet someone else whenever they want?

Petey2006

That sucks, my friend. But you really opened yourself up for more hurt. I know you hoped for some sort of positive reaction by sending the email. I've been there myself. But honestly, you're only opening yourself up for more hurt. Your ex seems to be moving on. And as bad as it feels, you're going to have to do the same. It's going to hurt for a long time, but it will get better.

tmalmbrt

g-punkteffekt wrote:

what is it with men and not being able to move on? There are always loads of posts about men not being able to get over their exes but rarely the other way around. Is it easier for women because they can go out and meet someone else whenever they want?

The main reason is because women find comfort and support from their female friends, we men just bottle it all up and try struggle through it ourselves <and most of us fail to do this>

I think lots of us have been here, your getting lots of good advice, break off all contact, focus on yourself, keep yourself busy, join a gym perhaps some social clubs etc....basically do not mope around.

_blank_

Two years ago I broke contact with an ex.

It was the best thing I ever did.

I got on with my life, did some travel and had a great time with my own friends.

Now, at the time it was hard, and for months I thought about her all the time. I wouldn't even look at another girl.

But eventually I got it back together, and now I'm starting out with someone new (a couple of months so far).

You HAVE to break the contact.

r3nu4l

g-punkteffekt wrote:

what is it with men and not being able to move on? There are always loads of posts about men not being able to get over their exes but rarely the other way around. Is it easier for women because they can go out and meet someone else whenever they want?

Usually our significant other is the only person to whom we have revealed our deepest fears and shared our wishes and true emotions with, they are the only people who truly know us emotionally. Therefore to have that person taken away from you is incredibly hard.

LegacyUser

'believe me it is not easier for women....no matter wat sex u r, if you break up with sumone u love wen u stil love them its goin to break ur heart n it will hurt. im in the same position op....unfortuna\tely the only reply i got off him today was...."u2" he doesnt want to get back together cos he says he doesnt love me...but he will meet up for sex....its not fair on me but i oput up with it to b close to him. i no how hard it is to break contact cos im used to tlkin to him every second of the day. and i dont think i can do it'

LegacyUser

'

Unreg 999 wrote:

'believe me it is not easier for women....no matter wat sex u r, if you break up with sumone u love wen u stil love them its goin to break ur heart n it will hurt. im in the same position op....unfortuna\tely the only reply i got off him today was...."u2" he doesnt want to get back together cos he says he doesnt love me...but he will meet up for sex....its not fair on me but i oput up with it to b close to him. i no how hard it is to break contact cos im used to tlkin to him every second of the day. and i dont think i can do it'

I understand. i would of taken the sex option also. but i didnt want to think of her as that. i wanted to spend my life with this girl. as im sure you wanted to spend it with the guy. may i ask what age the pair of you are?'

Marksie

cupidmearse wrote:

So its Valentines Day. A day i used to love. A day where i could show how much i loved a girl.

Just for the single day and not all the year?. We don't buy into valentines day a it was put "one days affection does not make up for 364 days neglect"

This day is a bad one for exacerbating problems as you are being conditioned to believe you should be doing something for it.
Beruthiel has it exactly right, who is this moping going to benefit. Your ex has moved on time for you to do the same!

How old are you? Judging from your posts you believed that this was the one for you. Unfortunately the reverse was not true..

I would also advice you to openly read all the posters posts and not just respond to the ones which suit your mindframe at the moment. In that way all you do is reinforce your emotional distress and effectively act as a mutually supportive den of misery

LegacyUser

Not going to advise ... just say I know exactly how you feel.

A good cry does help, and also (oh look, I am advising...) you should probably visit your GP to get a referral if youre that depressed. If nothing else, the drugs will help you function a bit better and help get her out of your mind.

whiskeyman

r3nu4l wrote:

It is not healthy for you to be still in contact with her...they say that if you love someone (who doesn't love you), you should set them free. To my mind this is true, not just because you love them and want them to be happy but also because you need to do so for your own sanity. It's hard and you are going to feel truly awful for a while but you can get past it.

I can't stress this enough either.
Fran Healy, lead singer of Travis, wrote a song about a breakup with his first true love. Apparently, his mother told him that him keeping in contact was like putting her in a cage, and he had to set her free. Lovely song by the way - On the album 'The Invisible Band'.
Best of luck man. You *will* get over this and will wonder why it took you so down. But try not to worry now. It's all a part of life we nearly all go through.

The Cage - Travis wrote:

You broke the bread
We drank the wine
Your lip was bleedin' but it was fine
Come on inside, babe, across the line
I love you more than I
But then this bird just flew away
She was never meant to stay
Oh to keep her caged would just delay the spring
You broke your word
Now that's a lie
We had a deal that you would try
Come on inside, girl, I think it's time
High time we drew the line
But then this bird just flew away
While I looked the other way
Oh to keep her caged would just delay the spring
Oh you broke my soul
Dear you stole the plot
You left an empty shot
There's nothing left here 'cos you took the lot
An empty cage is all I've got
'Cos when your bird has flown away
She was never meant to stay
Oh to keep her caged would just delay the spring
To keep her caged would just delay the spring

Victor

cupidmearse wrote:

Driving to work this morning i though about driving my car into a tree or off a bridge.

That would hurt a lot of people and solve nothing.