Alcoholic in denial?

LegacyUser

I drink maybe once a month. I work hard in between, I got to the gym. I'm nice to my Mother, I don't crave a drink, I'm personable, friendly and fun. So whay is it that I haven't sobered up for four days?
I work shift work which gives me a lot of time of - 3 or 4 days alternating each wk. and am back in tomorrow. I'll make it throught tomoroow, just. Then I'll be grand and back to the person - the good decent, normal person - I usually am.
I'm not that bad a drunk either, but I have had some unbelieveably sh1t things happen because of drink. Lost girlfriends, fallen out with friends, etc. but by the morning of work I always manage to somehow pull it together.
I've just cracked open my third can today, because, because, because I got drunk on Sunday afternoon, and just found it so hard to wake up hungover and depressed yesterday.
But it's so unfair - like I said, I dont crave beer 24/7; Im disciplined often the last to leave the gym on a friday night when everybody else is in the pub. But once I get a sip of beer into me .... im a slave. And i dont think thats fair. Im 28; I'm single, I deserve to be able to go out and catch up with my mates now and again, right?
But I dont know what to do. Do I give up drink? The what? Take up knitting? Is my life gonna be sh1tter now or if i tell all the people I love that I cant hang out with them because I'm a raging alcoholic? Doesn't sound like much of a cure!!!!

Victor

Moderation in everything.

Tonight, leave your wallet at home, bring bus fare and go to the cinema.

LegacyUser

That Victor isn't as stoooopid as he looks.

Attol

Do you feel out of control if you start though? And it sounds like you are craving it if you haven't stopped in 4 days tbh but it's impossible to tell since I don't know you. If it's causing you so much grief with falling out with people is it actually worth it to drink at all if you're not able to stop once you've started. If you feel uncomfortable with any aspect of your drinking then wouldn't it make sense to stop? You can go to the pub and try not to drink. I know the feeling of being pressured into drinking though and it's not easy to say no in that situation when it's such a normal thing in this country to drink. You just have to think about it and all the times when drinking has led to uncomfortable situations and you've regretted it. If you can make sure that you trust yourself enough not to let that happen regularly then you don't have anything to worry about. If you can't trust yourself and are worried about it just have a think about it.

Nevyn

Actually I find it is not that hard if you just assert yourself, starting with yourself

I come from families which have alcoholics on both sides stretching back over several generations.

Alcohol certainly played a part in my life and the grip of it is hard to break, just one drink, ah sure have one ack 3 will get you there,
3 being where you won't care or question how much more you are going to have.

If you are being seduced by the effect that drink has on you even if it happens once a week, once a month twice a year and you crave the feeling and sensation that if has on your body, (cos lets face it, it is a toxin a poison that our livers have to work to break down and doing that causes damage) then you need to get control of it and not have things be the other way around.

First is seeing that it is out of your control,
Second is seeing that it is a craving your body gets used to processing the stuff and wants more,
Third seeing what are the reasons you drink, why you need emotionally, mentally that release, be it from stress/hassle
Fourth find a different way to deal with that stress and hassle, a different way to reward you at the end of the week
Fifth work out what your limits are and what if anything you can allow yourself to drink.

I could be an utter lush, it would be so easy to live life softened by 2/3 glasses of wine a day, but then who has control over my life?

Yep I will still drink but I will when out limit myself and have no problems doing so and being assertive about saying no or getting/asking for something non alcoholic.
If I really really want to have a drink and feel the craving I fight it.
Occasionally I will even let myself get reasonably drunk but with limits and circumstance of my choosing, when I know I will be in a safe space and won't be included to do anything dumb or embarrassing and when I can take it easy the next day.

It can creep up on you too, and suddenly you realise instead of having a drink every other weekend it has been twice this week and then I will not drink for two three weeks.

I have seen what damage alcoholism has done to family and across generations and I don't want to be a part of that and don't want it to play a part in my life or my children’s life.

I tried giving it all together, I did when I was pregnant and breastfeeding but
I like it, I like it too much and it is one of life's pleasures but it is a sometimes thing a guilty pleasure and anyone who does not respect my wishes when I say I'm not drinking or that I will have 'a' drink and complains they have never seen me drunk has no respect for me or my choices in my life.

Besides as bitchy as I am as usual it is nothing compared to when I am loaded.

I would say that I am an alcoholic in the sense that I abuse alcohol and use it to escape to that happy place on occasion but I don't have a drinking problem, it does not negatively impact on my life.
The same way I would say that I am a smoker, have not smoked more then 1 cigarette in years but I still get cravings and want a cigarette which to my mind makes me a smoker.

I know exactly how much of my favourite tipples it takes to get me to that happy place and how much to get me bombed so I don't care any anything.

You have to learn about yourself, your body, and your patterns and make the changes you clearly want to in your life.
It won't be easy, you will slip up but if you want it bad enough you will get there, use what ever you can to support yourself, use all the resources until you get there.

Tell people and get thier support so they don't pressurise you in to drinking.
Don't have beer or what ever in the house if you know you will go through it until it is gone.

Value your sobriety and the clarity it can bring to your life and the changes it will enable you to make.

I wish you both well on your journey.

Black Swan

mmm beeer!!! wrote:

But once I get a sip of beer into me .... im a slave.

Maybe the answer to your question?

LegacyUser

Thaedydal, thank you for that. Your post meant a lot, just simply because it made me feel unalone.
Ladylotts, I guess when I say I don't crave beer, I mean, when I'm not drinking. Like I said, I can go weeks without drinking. And not miss it. But i suppose that says a lot too, doesn't it? The fact that I knew I couldn't drink regularly. I guess 'functioning alcoholic' is the term. Ie I'll drink once a month, so I only end up taking 5 or 6 sick days a year from work.
Yes I am a slave to drink, but it's a hard answer to accept. I spend 330+ days a year NOT being an alcoholic, so why does it have to be the 'be all and end all' of my life? Because admitting I have issues is admitting that my life will never be the same again.
I had words with someone very close to me tonight. And admitted I need to change things. And they told me how much they've feared for me. It was quite emotional. So I'm hoping the alcohol that is slowly leaving my bloodstream right now, will last me for a long time.

Thanks all of you x

redzerdrog

how can you be an alcoholic if you only drink once a month? i go out on average twice a week. i enjoy myself, have a great craic with my friends and meet new people. But i dont feel guilty or get depressed from it so maybe its not drinking thats the problem maybe its a phychology problem.

Nevyn

mmm beeer!!! wrote:

Thaedydal, thank you for that. Your post meant a lot, just simply because it made me feel unalone.

You are welcome.

mmm beeer!!! wrote:

Because admitting I have issues is admitting that my life will never be the same again.

And really is that such a bad thing ?

mmm beeer!!! wrote:

I had words with someone very close to me tonight. And admitted I need to change things. And they told me how much they've feared for me. It was quite emotional. So I'm hoping the alcohol that is slowly leaving my bloodstream right now, will last me for a long time.

Thanks all of you x

Good luck with the rest of your journey.

peckerhead

redzerdrog wrote:

how can you be an alcoholic if you only drink once a month?

There are alcoholics who don't drink for 50 weeks of the year, then go on a savage binge for two weeks. Then spend a fortnight recovering, and the next 11 months 'planning' the next binge. I knew a woman who did this for 8 years, until she walked in front of a car while on her annual bender and wound up in hospital for 6 months. Then she admitted she'd a problem...

mmm beeer!!! — you're very far from alone. But now you're in a position to change things. Best of luck.

Nevyn

redzerdrog wrote:

how can you be an alcoholic if you only drink once a month?

Easily, you can be an alcoholic and only drink once a year.

Alcoholism is the consumption of or preoccupation with alcoholic beverages to the extent that this behavior interferes with the alcoholic's normal personal, family, social, or work life

i go out on average twice a week. i enjoy myself, have a great craic with my friends and meet new people. But i dont feel guilty or get depressed from it so maybe its not drinking thats the problem maybe its a phychology problem.

It is not that straight forward.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism wrote:

While alcohol use is required to trigger alcoholism, the biological mechanism of alcoholism is uncertain. For most people, moderate alcohol consumption poses little danger of addiction. Other factors must exist for alcohol use to develop into alcoholism.

These factors may include a person's social environment, emotional health and genetic predisposition. In addition, an alcoholic can develop multiple forms of addiction to alcohol simultaneously such as psychological, metabolic, and neurochemical. Each type of addiction must be treated individually for an alcoholic to fully recover.

http://www.aa-uk.org.uk/publications/areyou.htm

oranje

Under Irish circumstances it can be really hard to cope with these kinds of issues. According to the norms of other countries a good quarter of the Irish population would have a drink problem.
However, my view is that many people in Ireland abuse alcohol but are still in control of their lives. Unfortunately this allows those with the real problems to hide away and pretend that they are also just having craic.
There is still far too much pressure in Ireland to drink when it should be perfectly normal to go to a pub and have a soft drink, a smoothie or a coffee.
When I go back my home town in Clare I always get this pressure to drink even though I rarely drink now in my normal life and I hate my drunken self.

peckerhead

I'd venture that a good quarter of the Irish population does have a drink problem. I was one of them, a 'functioning alcoholic', for twenty-odd years, so I'm not being patronising or accusatory. I'm still an alcoholic, I just don't drink now. And I hope I never forget that I'm one drink away from going back to where I was.

oranje

peckerhead wrote:

I'd venture that a good quarter of the Irish population does have a drink problem. I was one of them, a 'functioning alcoholic', for twenty-odd years, so I'm not being patronising or accusatory. I'm still an alcoholic, I just don't drink now. And I hope I never forget that I'm one drink away from going back to where I was.

Peckerhead,
I think that a lot of problem are drinking way too much but do they really have a 'drink problem'?
I used to drink a hell of a lot in my late 20s (six pints plus on Thu, Fri and Sat nights). I did feel that I was in a dreadful spiral of decline because there didn't seem to be any social way out of it. I needed to drink to be in that pub environment and I wanted to meet girls and this was the only way I knew how to. Drink was a problem for me but I don't think that I had an addiction issue.
I think that a lot of Irish people drink because they don't see any other way to fully socialize otherwise. If you don't drink when others are drinking it quickly becomes very boring. In a country as drink-sodden as Ireland choosing friends who don't drink is also not really feasible.
My belief is that lots of people would drink less if the culture changed a bit to a stage where public drunkenness was something to be ashamed of and not considered normal. Having a few pints should be great fun but should it really be so normal to down six or seven?
If the definition of normal was more moderate then I am pretty sure that functional alscoholics would not be so easily hidden in the mass of risky but not addicted drinkers.

Oryx

A lot of the women in my family have a problem with alcohol, so its something Im acutely aware of in myself. Ive given up drink completely for quite a few years, and only last year started to drink socially again. But I dont like myself the next day, the comedown for me is horrible, so Ive gone back to drinking tea in the pub.:) After a while I dont miss it, and I really dont miss the day or two of recovery afterward.

When I read your first post here (OP) it seemed to be asking people here to tell you you dont have a problem, to say, go on lad, have a few beers your fine... But your later post, to Thaed, you admit that you do have a problem and your trying to face the fact that you have to live without alcohol at all. No one here knows you, so we cant say if you are an alcoholic, but from what youre saying, you know you have a problem and you know you have to stop. I hope you manage to, good luck.

Attol

To those who think that you have to crave beer to be an alcoholic I totally disagree. I don't when I'm not drinking but like the OP I will drink and drink and drink until I'm an utter mess behaving in an irrational way. I believe I have a problem but nobody else can tell you you have a problem until you figure out for yourself if you do or not.

stella1982

Try new things with your friends and try not to drink if it is that bad maybe you should try see a specialist god bless