Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

drunk_monk

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with
a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each
person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate
right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send
it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read
what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is
over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her."Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament
Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human
race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo
who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Zapho

I think I read that before, but it is brilliant!

I love the '"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.' line

StupidLikeAFox

"The following was actually turned in by two of his English students"

Suuuure it was.....still funny tho

Stabshauptmann

Yeah I wanted to say this on the light house thread but didnt want to get banned. Seriously, it makes the joke a LOT less funny to pretend something that couldnt possible be true is. If you recieve a joke in an email and think you can improve it before reposting it do, just like you would in repreating a joke in real life

Unpossible

Lol, it reminds me of those games we played as kids. We would have cool things like war, mutants, superpowers & spaceships. The girls would then declare that all the "bad things" wen't away and all conflicts were resloved

AngryBadger

haha brilliant!

The Bollox

that is hilarious. it's more than likely not true, but here's hoping