Feel unworthy

LegacyUser

Hey,

I know this is a bit of a stupid complaint, anyway.

I am extremely self conscious and in the past it has ruined relationships, not because of jealousy or anything, but just because I am obsessed with the fact that I am not good enough.

I never had ANY luck with girls but when I met a girl a few years ago who was interested I almost couldn't believe it and in the end I ruined it because of my paranoia and worries that she was going to realise that I wasn't good enough and I would lose her.

I have just met the most amazing girl, I can't get my head around it; things seem to be going well and my friends say to just stop worrying about it and enjoy it. I wish I could do that, but I can't for some reason. We have only been going out for a few weeks but already I am completely obsessed with her and instead of being normal and just appreciating the fact that I met her I seem to spend my entire time terrified that she doesn't like me as much as I like her and that she will get sick of me.

I suffer from depression and in the past few weeks things have been getting me down; the anti-ds don't seem to be helping anymore and I was so tired of feeling like I feel that I was thinking of ending it. I have tried that before and as a result my parents ration the tablets very carefully. Over the course of three weeks I had skipped days and had hoarded tablets, more than enough for a lethal dose and I was going to take them one night. I thought I would get drunk to give me courage and I drank in my room. Of course once I got drink into me, I wanted to keep drinking and I went to a late bar. I planned on doing it when I came home but unbelievably, I met an amazing girl who was really interested. It was like a sign or something, because in years of standing around in pubs and feeling miserable, nothing like that had ever happened before.

I don't think I could handle it if she did that, because she really is unbelievable, the kind of person I would never even approach because she is so out of my league. She approached me and at the time I thought it was a wind up. I am just scared that if I do ruin it this time I wouldn't be able to take it because in all my years of trying to meet people I have never had any chance with someone like her. So now I am thinking that if I ever lost her there would be no point; it would be so horrible to actually be with someone you thought of as a dream girl and then go back to square one.

I think I am just crazy or something, I dunno hmm.

Nevyn

If you are having issues with your medication the please talk to you dr.

People come into our lives for many different reasons.
If you want to be well and build a life with her then focus on getting well so you can tackle the challenges ahead.

Chimpanzee-that

You're not crazy lad .. i do hear where your comin from and obvioously its not easy. Whats even worse is your probably gettin people telling you to just get over it and enjoy it and whatever happens, happens. But its easier said than done.

Obviously firstly you gotta try and not muck around with your medication because if your hoarding tablets and that which you should be taking it will make these feeling stronger in your head.

You mightn't think it at times but you are lucky. Theres people out there who mightnt have had the luck you've had to meet such wonderful girls. And if nothing else .. if you care about this one enough you should be able to put the paranoia and constant over thinking of things to one side - not because you know its the right thing to do.... but for her.

Try to think positively and live for the moment.... if you dont allow the negative thoughts in they wont happen.