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LegacyUser

I dont really know if this is something you lot can advise me on....
I've gone over it a thousand times in my head from every different angle.
I'll bore ya's with the details anyways.



im 18 and in 6th year. Theres a girl. She's amazing in my eyes. I noticed this from around the start of 2006. since then i've been trying desperately to get to know her better. become friends... be where i think she's gonna be.... etc...
By May i realised i was deeply in love. Never before had i experienced feelings such as that for anyone... and i still feel that i never will. i'm quite a shy guy to be honest ... only close family and friends see the real me. i knew that unless i could show her the real me i wouldnt stand a chance. so at every oppertunity i was trying but without making any lasting impressions. the summer came and obviously i didnt see her as much. she was away a lot and working. my feelings hadnt changed though. she was the first thing i thought about in the orning and the last thing at night. the only thing that changed was by september, she had a boyfriend... nothin serious but a stumbling block in my quest nonetheless. its now a new year and im going crazy, even though i wouldnt have thought it possible a few months ago my love for her grows everyday. i do make steady progress taking every oppertunity that comes my way to chat with her but without showing her more of who i am i know i wouldnt enter her head as a dateable guy.

Sorry for the long post but i dont know what to do...
its hugely frustrating for me everytime i think about it (which is a lot!)
i have sought advise in the past and the only answers i got was grow some balls .... refrain from that.. if possible....
Thanking you in advance,
Dave

Ruu_Old

Is she still in a relationship at the moment? Maybe get a smaller group of your friends together to go somewhere (film or whatever) and ask her to come along with ye. You might get a chance to be more comfortable around her.

randylonghorn

You're 18 ... still young enough (just!) to get away with the teen dating gambit ...

hint: your pal chats to her pal, susses out the scene

I'm not being a smartass ... it's a bit corny, but it works a hell of lot of the time!

What have you got to lose?

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

randylonghorn wrote:

What have you got to lose?

Her.


i dunno if this sounds weird but i'd need be certain not to lose ... cause even though its small... what i have with her now is a billion times better than the awkward nothingness i could end up with...

randylonghorn

So, take it slowly ... or get a mate to discreetly suss it out.

The way you're going now, you'll both do LC in a few months and head your separate ways, and you'll be left with the "what if?" questions.

Does that sound like a good plan?

Sad Professor

Ah this brings back memories. I spent most of leaving cert obsessing over a girl I sat beside in History. I thought I was in love too, turns out it was just infatuation but man did it last a long time. I was usually rendered speechless in her presence and despite sitting beside her for a whole year I don't think I had a single whole conversation with her. Actually I'm pretty sure she thought I was a weirdo. It was late 6th year before I started to get to know her properly and I was lucky enough to bump into her a few times after finishing school. I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out via text - and she *sob* *sob* rejected me. Yes I'm pathetic but my only regret is that I didn't ask her earlier.

i dunno if this sounds weird but i'd need be certain not to lose ... cause even though its small... what i have with her now is a billion times better than the awkward nothingness i could end up with...

I really do understand this but trust me - you don't want to be left with the "what if". No one says you have to ask her out right now but take advantage of what time you have left in school to do something.

And don't assume it'll become awkward if she say no. People can surprise you. The girl I asked out was never awkward with me afterwards. Actually she went out her way to speak to me anytime she saw me. Unless she's a complete b*tch she'll be flattered that you're interested in her.

hunnymonster

EKD7, no matter what I say, it's going to sound cruel. I don't mean it that way.

First of all, this is affecting your studies. If you are thinking about this girl so much your schoolwork is suffering. You are about to sit the exams that will determine where your life goes from here. Don't mess them up.

Love is a two way thing. You are infatuated, maybe even obsessed, with this girl. It's not a helathly place to be. As someone suggested above, find out through the grapevine what she thinks of you. If she likes you great if not, the sooner you start to get on with life the better.

cornbb

Sad Professor wrote:

my only regret is that I didn't ask her earlier.

Take note of this OP. Whatever you do, do something and do it sooner rather than later. Carpe Diem, seize the bull by the horns, etc etc. Be confident, smile, show her you're a nice guy. And for god sake talk to her, don't text her.

EKD7

EKD7 wrote:

Her.


i dunno if this sounds weird but i'd need be certain not to lose ... cause even though its small... what i have with her now is a billion times better than the awkward nothingness i could end up with...

Right I'll be blunt aswell.
This sounds like an obsession to me.
You can't possibly be in love with someone that you aren't in the company of often enough to have gotten to know them.
Your hormones have fogged up your brain into feeling the way you do.

I would suggest that you move on.
That said moving on is not closing the door to something happening with your " friend"-using that term loosely as she's effectively only an acquaintance as yet.Moving on is for the good of your mental health.

It would be a mistake to think that moving on means that this girl will write you off.It doesn't work like that.Both of you could have several partners in the mean time and still end up with each other.

My Gut feeling though is that you could let this situation fester and find you are still obsessing a couple of years down the track.Those would be wasted years as it will dawn on you eventually that you have wasted time that you could have been having fun like most others.
Don't let that happen.
The song from Baz Lerman - wear sunscreen comes to mind here.
Download it-listen to it and heed it's advice

sunscreen song by Baz Lerman wrote:

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis other than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this experience now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me. In twenty years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never cross your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. Some of the most interesting people I know didn't know at twenty-two what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting forty-year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at forty; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your seventy-fifth wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So is everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and will be most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go other than a precious few to which you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're forty, it will look eighty-five.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

cornbb

Tristrame wrote:

Moving on is for the good of your mental health.

My opinion would be that asking her out and THEN moving on if she says no would be for the good of your mental health. There's no point in not at least asking her out. If she says no then you've gotta be prepared to deal with it, if you do then it will be easier to move on as you will have some sort of closure. And you will at least have the satisfaction of having tried and not always be wondering "what if". And who knows, she could just as easily say yes.

Hagar

Just ask the girl out. She might say no, she might say yes. Either way your angst is over.

BTW if you're posting anonymously don't sign your name to the post.;)

LegacyUser

'

EKD7 wrote:

the only thing that changed was by september, she had a boyfriend...

If was i wasnt clear before she still has this boyfriend...

EKD7 wrote:

Thanking you in advance,
Dave

And in reply to the smart ass.... not my real name;)'

Hagar

EKD7 wrote:

And in reply to the smart ass.... not my real name;)'

Naughty naughty, name calling. It was just a friendly word of advice to help preserve your anonymity. You would be surprised how easily you could be identified without anyone doing anything fishy.

Mr. Presentable

Stop faffing around and ask her out. Better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. If you wait long enough she'll be married

hobochris

One thing i learned from back then... is lifes to short not to take chances...
You just have to forget any worries in your head, think " **** it" and then go for it... Otherwise you'll have that and many other regrets for the rest of your life...

Chimpanzee-that

Its easy for all us to say take the chance and do something about it because none of us has anything to lose.

This lad does though, he could lose the most important person to him at the moment and be crushed over it....

LegacyUser

I dont want to trivialise your emotions but as others have pointed out, this really sounds like infatuation rather than love. The difference is that you are in love with the idea not the person. We all go through it. IMHO its a fantastic place to be. It hurts and sucks and all but youve got to admit you love the feeling you give yourself by thinking about her. It feels great.

Im afraid I have to say that if shes with someone, then you have to stay off. It is not cool at all to be doing the dirty, even if the guy shes with is a d i c k. I suppose making her realise that he sucks and you rule is okay, so long as she comes to a mature decision about it (and does the right/decent thing first).

If you think you can be good friends with this girl (e.g. your social habits compliment each other (be honest with yourself)) than fair enough, keep chipping away at it and maybe you can make it to the boyfriend zone via the boy-whos-a-friend zone. If on the other hand when youre honest with yourself you realise that it wouldnt be much of a relationship, then just slog through it, safe in the knowledge that when you finally get over it, youll get over it quickly and completely.

Sorry, but your present time needs to be principally occupied by school ... BUT soon comes college My bet is that once you get there youll be glad to be free and single, shy and retiring type or not.

Good luck.

davyjose

EKD7 wrote:

Her.


i dunno if this sounds weird but i'd need be certain not to lose ... cause even though its small... what i have with her now is a billion times better than the awkward nothingness i could end up with...

That's not so, man. Trust me, if you get an answer, no matter whther it's good or bad, you'll feel better for having tried. It will give you confidence, and if things don't work out, you'll start to move on, whether you like it or not.
What are you gaining from the situation you're in right now?

Stabshauptmann

EKD7 wrote:

im 18 and in 6th year.

Study

Theres a girl.

There will be others

be where i think she's gonna be

Thats stalking

become friends... By May i realised i was deeply in love...and i still feel that i never will[love a girl like her again]... the real me...my quest

Dave, you are not living in the real world. You are confused, you need to experience life a bit more. Stop watching teen movies, read less and get off the internet. You think you want this girl, but you probably wouldnt like having her as a girlfriend. Unrequited love is a common teen angst, and more of a fantasy than anything else.

she was the first thing i thought about in the orning and the last thing at night.

Thats not good, thats a problem you need to deal with. Either tell her you like her (not that you love her or any other strong language like that) or find another distraction. I recommend drinking, its fun and you'll meet plenty of people - plus drink makes you smarter and more sexually appealing

i know i wouldnt enter her head as a dateable guy.

People are stupid. They rarely know what they want and most can be easily manipulated. But theres prob no point in doing that, if you two arent suited you're not suited; end of.

Sorry for the long post but i dont know what to do...

Sure you do, study for the LC, socialise a bit and maybe you'll meet a girl more suited and more attainable.

chuci

ask her out if she says no which she might well do with the whole boyfriend situ then try move on concentrate on the old study when you grt to coll you will have a ball. i used think i used love this guy in 6th year man was i wrong couldnt form a full sentence at all when he used talk to me i never knew someone could trip over their tongue so much. i look back on it now and shudder. there are def other fish in the sea

Fabio

I'd say go with the grapevine route or else ask one of your friends to talk to one of her friends...

If conditions seem favourable then work up the courage to ask her for her number, even if it is only "to ask about the test we have next week" (bullplop perhaps but a good way of getting it if you get nervous on the spot...only if your nervous though as lying is never good!).

Once you have her number ask her out to the cinema or out for a bit of shopping as girls like that and its a better way to talk than the cinema. Maybe do both!

Once you have her number then there are many windows of oppurtunity!

Mr.Nice Guy

This is a classic case of oneitis, man. Ask the girl out if she's single. If she says no, then move on.

Hate to break it to you but she eats, sleeps and sh*ts just like the rest. As someone earlier said, the hormones are messing with your head.

geuro

nothing new from me.
just want to re iterate what others have already said in a probably hopeless attempt at convincing you that you are not in love.
you are infatuated.
common teen obsession.
happened to me.
go find a single girl.
that'll fix you.

LegacyUser

'Me again.

Just to clarify. I've been infactuated many a time. This is soooo much more. Don't be thinkin I am lookin for love. I denyed it for months. Its other people who ..are telling me i am in love.

As for being obsessed...... yeah thats true :S'