housemate constantly bringing back guys

LegacyUser

I share a house with two students, one of which is a girl who brings back random guys to the house atleast twice a week. I have no problem with this directly, it's the result of this that is the problem.

I'm often awake late due to several things that I wont go into, my room is right next to hers, I dont want to hear that stuff so I get out of my room or busy myself downstairs, of course I get the stare which is telling me "omg you perv what are you doing being here at this moment" if she happens to see me, and then Ive heard her say to the other housemate that she thinks I stay awake too see if she has brought people home etc...

This is so far from the truth and such an awkward feeling, im not going to ask her to change her ways, its absoloutely none of my business and I have no problem with it. I just wish that I could some how communicate to her that im not a perv hanging around too see what shes upto, infact quite the opposite.

Red Alert

Get a pair of remix-grade headphones and some music, or in fact play some music/TV at a loudish volume in your room. Might make her think too.

pedro ferio-vti

I had an issue with this before. Didn't particularly care about it until one night the girl brought back this psycho from Carlow or some place. I was asleep but the girlfriend heard everything. He left her room on the ground floor after doing the business, said he was going to the toilet which is in the room next to it.

He then proceeded to walk upstairs and started trying to going into every room at 4 in the morning including my own one where I was staying with my girlfriend at the time!! She pushed me and woke me up saying there was some weirdo roaming round the house...

Just something to be aware of. We had to have a chat with her after this to tell her to cop the **** on.

Black Swan

You guys never talk? It might help to get over the unfamiliarity and misunderstandings?

Motley Crue

I wouldnt stand for this, Id sort it out and tell her if shes going to bring strange guys home then please keep a leash on them

NextSteps

How about explaining? 'Look, I'm not a perv, in fact the reason I go downstairs when you bring guys home is that I don't want to lie in bed listening to you'. That seems clear enough!

talkingclock

had a similar situation in a house sharing with three others. there was one particular person who brought home almost every sat night about 6 or 8 people having a party until 6 or 8 in the morning without asking or informing us. so we three were really annoyed.

strange enough, talking didn't helped. so we decided to be extremely noisy every sunday like taking long (electric) showers, hoovering the whole house, banging doors, switch on loud music or the telly.

it helped - the prick moved out!

seamus

If she hasn't said anything to you about it, then I don't see why you feel the need to defend yourself. If you really want, you can randomly drop in, "Oh I'm so knackered, I didn't get to sleep to 3am because of <insert reason here>", which may lead onto discussing the reason why you're up so late.

But unless she has complained about you, then you don't have to justify yourself.

It may be worth though talking to her (as a group) about the risk involved in her bringing back strange guys every other night. She *will* bring back guys who will roam around the house looking for stuff to steal, or guys who will stick their head into your fridge and eat your food while you sleep.

chuci

id talk it out with her myself it would really annoy me if i couldnt sleep because of someones shinanigans.id do the above suggestion and either play music on have the tv on to show that you do not in fact want to be listening to whatever is going on.

dame

I'd agree you should talk to her, not saying "I'm not a perv" but saying something like the last poster said...."I'm knackered cos I had to stay up late to get X done for a deadline" or whatever. Telling her you're not a perv will just make her wonder why you're telling her that and why you're justifying yourself though.

I'd also agree with earlier posts about the niose issue though. Nobody likes to be stuck listening to that twice a week. I'd suggest playing the music loudly in your room next time and if she complains just say sorry but you didn't want to be listening to people moaning next door. Another option is to ring somebody on your mobile and talk loudly on it for a while (about what you've been up late working on, how you can't sleep now etc....). You'll need a friend who understands for this one! Hopefully it'll ruin the mood nextdoor and she'll realise just how much noise can travel through walls when a house is quiet at night.

Oh, and the making noise early in the morning is a good idea too. Alarm clock set as high as it can go, (beside the wall where her bed is hopefully) and leave it ringing for as long as you can stand it. If she complains you could always say "sorry, couldn't drag myself out of bed cos I got so little sleep last night".

If she doesn't take the point and bring less guys home or at least keep them quiet in her room, then she's just an impossible person and one of you better move.

Sleepy

If you're not struggling with the lack of sleep and are just generally one of those people (like myself) who don't need the traditional 8 hours sleep every night. Mention it. I know my flatmates used to think it was weird that I'd still have the light in my room on at 5/6 in the morning at times but once I explained it was simply that I only sleep 5/6 hours most nights they didn't think twice about seeing a light on.

dame

Sleepy wrote:

If you're not struggling with the lack of sleep and are just generally one of those people (like myself) who don't need the traditional 8 hours sleep every night.

Why do you call yourself Sleepy?

MicraBoy

If you are unwilling to be up front and tell her you can hear everything, then I suggest you turn on music everytime she starts making noise. The louder she gets the louder the music gets. If she can't take the hint you just have to start shouting things like "Stop that squeaking", which happened to a friend of mine!

mr_angry

Tell her that you love pevertedly thinking about her and some random stranger going at it. With luck, she'll be so disgusted, she'll stop bringing randomers back home with her.

Time Magazine

Twice a week?

Tell me where she hangs out and I'll have a chat with her for you.

red_ice

i would be really grumpy the next day, say that work was a real drag coz you were so tired due to lack of sleep the night before. After giving the same story 2/3 times, tell her straight. You pay rent there, your entitled to a nights sleep, if you dont get it, you should ask your other room mate what he/she thinks, and see about evicting her. If your place is done through college, talk to them about it. If its effecting you directly, which it is, it becomes your business. If she wants to keep that stuff private, then she shouldnt broadcast it.

If all reasonable approaches bare no fruit... finding some way to blackmale her shouldnt be a problem!

LegacyUser

Alot of you guys are telling me to be straight or talk to her directly about it. Well theres the part you dont know. She is my ex. I broke up with her a few months back, if I make any comment or say anything related in any obscure way with her relationships with other blokes, she will simply turn it around against me saying I am jealous, she's had an axe to grind with me ever since I dumped her, and she has quiet a large circle of friends I could do without hating me. You could say this is the cowards way, I consider it the pragmatists way. Talking too her directly is not an option, either is talking to the other house mate as he is her "fag hag" for want of a better word, the two are inseparable and very defensive of each other.

It's not enough of an issue to move out, as it doesnt matter most days, its just the odd few days that I happen to be awake and want to go for a smoke when she has some other bloke back.

I apprecieate all the replys, but I think she has this pretty sown up. I think she might even want a response from me, so she can get the higher ground since I dumped her, even though I would gladly give it too her as it seems to bother her more than me, being dumped, (been dumped plenty before and it doesnt bother me, seems to effect the girls far more than the men for some reason).

I may be being paranoid, but I know her to be very cruel & callous too me when it's possible. And I think she may want to provoke a response, so she can make me look like a perv, or desperate for her back.

I made this post last night when it was happening again, and the way I handled it was to pretend it wasn't going on. I talked on the phone a bit, went downstairs for a smoke and a drink of water (as loudly as possible), etc etc. It was only her (and some bloke) in the house, and she is notoriously loud normally, so I had no problems being a noisy git while making myself busy with random things.

LegacyUser

Have you thought about the fact that she may be a bitter little girl trying to make as much noise as possible in order to make you as jealous as possible?

If it was me, I personally would not want to be around an ex - especially living in the same house. Have you thought about perhaps moving?

hunnymonster

you probably should have mentioned she is your ex in the original post. It does put a different spin on things.


If it was me, I would probably think about moving but then again, sleep rates pretty highly for me and I'm evil when I'm tired:D

rugbug86

just wondering, did you think twice about the 2 of ye making noise when ye were together???

Her being an ex - completely different situation. She possibly knows all of this about you and is just trying to get you angry.

dixiefly

Move out.
There is no way I would stay in the circumstances that you have described.

NeMiSiS

Get yourself a Tuba or Bagpipes, and practice while she's at it in the next room. That will take your mind off it.

Or else, move out, life's too short etc etc
TK

RuggieBear

Move out.

dame

Reminds me of Gabrielle on Desperate Housewives bringing some guy back to bang the bedstead against Carlos's wall there a couple of weeks ago! They weren't even doing anything just making lots of noise to make him jealous!

melekalikimaka

oh why oh why live with your ex? unscrew her bed slightly so when the magic starts it breaks, you could also fight fire with fire, if your her ex its plain disrespectful no matter how well it ended

Miss Fluff

She is obviously trying to get a reaction out of you. It's not healthy living together after a split so one of you should just move out.

Cunny-Funt

Show her this thread

Esel

Tape the action, get yourself a good set of earplugs, then play it back loud the other five nights, with the speakers pointed at the party wall.

Seriously, if it were me, I think I would just move. I mean - living with your ex and her fag-hag?

LegacyUser

get some loud speakers, when she doesnt bring a guy home, play some pr0n really loud at like 3am when shes asleep, give her a taste of her own medicine so to speak!

Tar.Aldarion

move in. No wait, out, out.

Alter-Ego

Move out and don't look back tbh.

I share with two guy's and pretty quickly I found out that the floor's and wall's are pretty thin and also my bed sound's horrendous
I felt so bad after a while having anyone over and I even avoided bringing him back or even going to his. I spoke to my mate's about it and they said I had every right to have my boyf over as I pay rent also and it wasn't my fault I have an active sex life...
now I don't feel so bad as recently my roomate has a really loud girlfriend who he has over every sunday night! So I just make it a point to be out!
Talk to her and don't let her try to move you out! No one should get away with that kind of behavior

ianmc38

Ibid wrote:

Twice a week?

Tell me where she hangs out and I'll have a chat with her for you.

Lol!!!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

littlesurfer

move out dude

Stench Blossoms

Move out. Why would you want to live with your ex and her "fag-hag"?