cant forget about something gone???/

jj99

my girlfriend of now, who i love dearly and who loves me hooked up and slept with my best friend a month before we started dating. it bothers the crap out of me every single hour of the day? whats the hell am i to do?

vorbis

i'd be a little upset too if my girlfriend had slept with all my friends in one night

Seriously, its an insecurity issue on your part that you need to get over. If you can't do that, you're best off breaking up with her.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Question is, why does it bother you? She hasn't cheated on you, you know.

Is it the factt hat she slept with someone else? or that she slept you know?

randylonghorn

jj99 wrote:

my girlfriend of now, who i love dearly and who loves me hooked up and slept with my best friend a month before we started dating. it bothers the crap out of me every single hour of the day? whats the hell am i to do?

I suppose I can understand it itching a bit, but the guys are right ... if you mean what you say in your post, you need to let it go.

It was before you two got together, therefore no harm, no foul.

If it had been a stranger, would it bother you as much? If not, why does it bother you that she got it together with someone you actually like, thus showing a bit of taste?

BeardyGit

jj99 wrote:

my girlfriend of now, who i love dearly and who loves me hooked up and slept with my best friend a month before we started dating. it bothers the crap out of me every single hour of the day? whats the hell am i to do?

Imagine all the things they might have done together. And all the other guys she might have been with. And all the things they did together. The kind of things you wouldn't do to a pornstar. Sloppy seconds anyone?

How does that make you feel? Pretty bad, huh? A bit jealous? Angry?

Well sunshine, she has a past and you weren't part of it, so you have NO RIGHT to comment on it. Your mate obviously didn't do the trick for her, but you're not being much of a winner either, if this is the way you're behaving.....

Gil

Marksie

jj99 wrote:

It bothers the crap out of me every single hour of the day? whats the hell am i to do?

Stop obsessing on it, for that is what you are doing. If you cannot put it to one side one thing is certain: you will not be with her much longer.

Ask yourself WHAT exactly is it that bothers you so much: Randylonghorn has the post nail and head.

This is similar to those who, when trying to impress about sexual history, find that their partner has been more adventurous and they cannot handle it.

The Past is the past. You have no evidence that anything is happening now, and no reason to distrust. Did she tell you it happened herself or did you hear from another source?

Put yourself in her shoes: how would you react if she said what you have said if the situations were reversed.

If she had been on holiday and had a fling with a waiter..would it bother you too much?

The thing you have to do is ask yourself why you feel this way, because it is something within you that has the problem. Isolate it, study it and discard it

Bottle_of_Smoke

Its a tough one. Your subconscious is going to nag at you a lot. Especially if there's ever been a competitive feeling between you & your friend.

Anyway the reason it bothers you is not neccesarily an insecurity thing - it's in our genes to be bothered by it.

Genetically speaking the worst case scenario for men is your mate having sex with someone else- you could end up fathering a child that isn't yours & you have none. Whereas with women it's her mate becoming emotionally attached to another woman - as this would mean her mate would protect someone else & their offspring. I'd imagine this is why men get most jealous when they suspect someone wants to sleep with their girlfriend & women get most jealous when you get on really well with another girl she thinks has alterior motives.


That's why it's so antagonising. Lets face it if you were to kill the people you suspected of being a threat to your reproductive potential you'd have a much higher probablility of her mothering your children. Therefore it's a genetic advantage to be bothered by this. Unfortunately these feelings we inherited aren't compatible with modern society & you'd just end up in prison.

Hopefully now that you know why it bothers you, you can try & overcome it.

Best of luck.

milod

OP, there's a whole lot of over-analyzing going on here. It happened BEFORE you started dating - Get over it!!

You can't control what's happened in the past - start looking forward before your rearward navel gazing ruins your relationship.

I can't think why you'd be bothered... unless your best mate is better in the sack than you are and smirks whenever he sees you?

Mighty_Mouse

Ah I dunno. If it was a mate I knew fairly well I'd be bothered.
<<hard to know on the internet, cos some people "best friends" from msn!>>

Sure ya know exactly what the lads are thinking etc.............

Personally I wouldnt go there. But if the person that wasnt in my regular social circle , I wouldnt give a fiddlers...

My 2c

BoozyBabe

Yes Op, it happened before ye were an item, so you've to accept it & move on, or don't & break up.

I do think I understand why you feel like this though.
She's your gf, you love her dearly & she's very special to you.
Prob is, you best mate knows her just as intimately as you do.
& normally this wouldn't be the case, normally of all the people you know well, only you & your partner would know each other in an intimate & special way, whereas in this case that's been spoilt a bit.

Or in a nother way, you & your gf leave the night club early. Normally your friends might be thinking "I bet she's a goer", whereas in your case you know your friend KNOWS she's a goer (if that applies)

At the end of the day, if she's really that special, you've got to learn to live with the fact she has a past,
Best of luck

randylonghorn

Mighty_Mouse wrote:

Ah I dunno. If it was a mate I knew fairly well I'd be bothered.

Why?

OK, tbh, I've been in this guy's shoes. I don't know that I was madly in love with her, looking back, but I was certainly well into her at the time. She had been seeing a good friend of mine about six months before for a fairly brief period ... a couple of weeks at most. I didn't know for certain that they had shacked up, but I presumed so (and had it confirmed for me later!)

And yes, it did itch at first ... and at the same time I was thinking that he might be pissed off that I was now going out with her.

Whe I sat down and asked myself "why?" I realised there was no *good* reason for it, just macho bullshit! In the end, the two of us (i.e. the guys in the triangle) went out for a few pints one night and got over ourselves ... much to her relief!

It's really NOT worth messing up either a relationship OR a friendship over.

Miss Fluff

It's in the past and if you can't deal with it then this won't go anywhere. If you are obsessing that she might actually be in to him then you have another problem on your hands entirely.

jj99

she's def not into him anyway, its on my mind everytime im with her though. it happened bout 4 months ago now, weve bein going out for the last 3. just want to get over it and get it out of my head.

LegacyUser

'my advice is dump her, shes not worth the head wreck!!!'