have I cheated?

LegacyUser

So been single the past two years and have been generally just screwed over by guys, they lose interest, find a new girl while Im on holidays, you name its happened. So I took a break for a while and enjoyed being single

But a few weeks before Christmas started dating this guy, for simplicity sake he is Guy A. He was nice and sweet seemed to like me and after a while refered to me as his girlfriend. Problem was he never had all that much time for me and if I saw him once a week I was lucky. Plus he was rubbish at keepin in contact with me. So I was frustrated at losing the independence of being single and not really getting anything out of it.

Enter Guy B. Guy B was a guy I knew through mutual friends and we had always had a very flirty attitude towards each other.
So Im out one night with this gang of friends and Guy A isnt there, hes cancelled on seeing me for the 2nd time in a week. Guy B doesnt know anything about Guy A and I end up kissing Guy B.
Next day Guy A texts me to cancel plans with me again! So I begin texting Guy B...
so Ive technically cheated on A but does it count as a relationship if I never see him?? I felt like a b***h when I woke up the morning after kissing B until A cancelled plans again...

LadyJ

Eh, dump guy A ffs. Who cares about the "cheating"? What are you waiting around for? You're not a door mat are you?

Dump him already.

Red Hand

Your relationship with Guy A seems pretty tenuous if you were only in contact once a week? Leave him down gently and find someone that likes you and spends the amount of time with you that you like.

Ruu_Old

Regardless of the kind of relationship ye had, you should have dropped Guy A before fooling around with someone else.

aidan24326

Whether you technically 'cheated' or not is almost irrelevant now as if you hardly ever saw the guy and he continually cancelled plans/showed a lack of interest then you haven't a whole lot to be guilty about either way. Doesn't sound like you'd be losing that much if you got rid of him.

On a separate note you might want to consider why guys keep treating you badly and losing interest. It sounds like maybe you're attracting the wrong types (for you) for whatever reason.

Kold

Not really cheated, just don't mess around with guy a anymore otherwise you are a bitch.

Black Swan

You don't seem happy with Guy A? Make a clean break? Call Guy A and officially breakup with him (no matter how loose the relationship)? See Guy B from now on? Promise yourself not to get confounded between guys in the future?

r3nu4l

I'm kind of fussy about these things, in my little world you should have ended with Guy A before kissing Guy B. That said, don't beat yourself up too much as from what you have said you had/have a relationship with him by name only.

Either way, I think you should discuss your future, or lack thereof, with Guy A. No need to mention Guy B, draw a line under that for now.

If you decide to end with Guy A, do so sooner rather than later and see if Guy B is better for you.

Wing Walker

Dump A for a start, followed by dumping of B.

You gotta have a bit of respect for yourself before you do anything else. Sit down and think of exactly what you want out of a relationship/friendship/buddyfeck and then see where you want to go from there.

You might find that B is the guy for you but you gotta be true to yourself. And don't forget to be safe.

Crucifix

Yes, you have.
If you aren't happy seeing guy A so rarely you should talk to him, or break up with him, or whatever.

jon1981

to be honest i doubt guy A would give a sh*t

LegacyUser

'Guy A is not interested in U.
If he was, he'd show up.
I wouldn't bodder with him any more, if I
was U.'

chuci

id say dump guy a and then talk to guy b see if he is someone that you like and if not then tell him and wait for someone who you really like. dont beat yourself up too much over what happened really it would be hard to rem that you had a boyfriend esp one you hadn seen in about two weeks;)

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies guys!

havent talked to A since Saturday since he text me saying Im being "stroppy" because I was pissed about his plan cancelling. He hasnt contacted me and I havent contacted him...so I think thats it for him. should I text him again though to make the break official even if the relationship never was?

Funny he did seem to like me and seem keen those rare occasions we did see each other, I dunno I dont understand boys anymore

but have put B on backburner until all this is sorted out - I dont want to mess either of em around. any more than I already have of course.

padser

Yes it counts as a relationship, and you shouldnt cheat.

When you did cheat, you should have the decency to admit it to yourself rather then trying to justify yourself.

You say you have been treated badly by guys...If thats the way you treat them.......


My advice dump both guys, unless you are planning to treat guy B a hell of a lot better then you treated guy A

Bob the Builder

nah, you were screwed over by GuyA, you feel like a bitch for kissing GuyB because GuyA who you "cheated" on, pays no time to you....

Dump GuyA because you cant have a date once a year, and go for GuyB who pays more attention to you, cares enough for you to flirt with...

...My Opinion of course, as always

calex71

Guy A considdered you his girlfriend????
Sounds like someone needs to explain
the whole girlfriend / realationship thing
him lol.

So if you want to be technical about it
then its a big yes , yes you did cheat.

Should you feel guilty about it ?????
Hells no.

Tell Guy A to sling his hook and go have
fun with Guy B. Life is to short for this
kind of messin about

LundiMardi

Yeah you did. Regardless of how much you saw of guy a, he saw you as his gf and it doesn't seem like you corrected him on this so i presume you saw him as your bf as well.

So, you've been cheated on, now you're doing the cheating. Great lesson learned.

PS. Dump guy A.

kaalgat

Ruu wrote:

Regardless of the kind of relationship ye had, you should have dropped Guy A before fooling around with someone else.

Sure, but now that it's done, get rid of guy A. No point in having a bf if he's constantly unavailable..

Saruman

You know.. this is the kind of thing that was done to her by guys... hence the reason she called herself "givinuponboys"

Like others have said. If he considered you his girlfriend and you did not tell him your only dating and its not a relationship then you cheated on him.
Dump him. He is not spending any time with you so its not a real relationship.

_Kaiser_

Been there, had this happen..

In my case though it went on for the best part of a year. Despite us talking/txting all day and late into the night and next morning and whatever else, I was always the one who had to suggest actually MEETING up and most of the time she'd have some reason why she couldn't, yet she could make the effort for everyone else around her. Whenever I tried to broach the topic I got accused of "pressuring" her (just because I wanted to SEE her for more than an hour or two a month).

Totally wrecked my head as we got on so well otherwise & I did really care about her (which is probably why I put up with it for so long), but I eventualy had to say enough is enough and walk away as you can't have a relationship with someone you never see.

As everyone else kept telling me, you owe Guy A nothing as they clearly aren't too bothered about you, so I'd say enjoy what you have with Guy B and forget the first fella.

connundrum

IMO you were 'dating' both guys - like what they do in America from what I can tell.

If Guy A decided that you were his g/f and you weren't doing the same then something was wrong there.

Nowt to worry about tbh, if Guy A wants to get all stroppy about it - tell him that he should have been there when he said he would

BeardyGit

What do you really want? People here to tell you 'Guy A' is an arsehole? Well, he is. Might make you feel a little better about cheating, but doesn't excuse you. That's the way I see it, but of course it's not as simple as that.....

Here's the thing, it's all about what you think yourself, or more accurately, thought yourself. When you were about to kiss 'Guy B', did you think that it was wrong and that you shouldn't, because 'Guy A' was your boyfriend? I know that's what he said he was - Is it what you thought he was? If so, I guess you would probably think you've cheated, and I think we'd mostly agree.

Borat_Sagdiyev

givinuponboys wrote:

So been single the past two years and have been generally just screwed over by guys, they lose interest, find a new girl while Im on holidays, you name its happened. So I took a break for a while and enjoyed being single

But a few weeks before Christmas started dating this guy, for simplicity sake he is Guy A. He was nice and sweet seemed to like me and after a while refered to me as his girlfriend. Problem was he never had all that much time for me and if I saw him once a week I was lucky. Plus he was rubbish at keepin in contact with me. So I was frustrated at losing the independence of being single and not really getting anything out of it.

Enter Guy B. Guy B was a guy I knew through mutual friends and we had always had a very flirty attitude towards each other.
So Im out one night with this gang of friends and Guy A isnt there, hes cancelled on seeing me for the 2nd time in a week. Guy B doesnt know anything about Guy A and I end up kissing Guy B.
Next day Guy A texts me to cancel plans with me again! So I begin texting Guy B...
so Ive technically cheated on A but does it count as a relationship if I never see him?? I felt like a b***h when I woke up the morning after kissing B until A cancelled plans again...

Did he even ask you officially if you wanted to be his GF? If not, then you were single the whole time. If I were you, I wouldn't feel even the slightest bit guilty for what you've done - he sees you as his GF but doesn't feel the need to contact you or meet up with you more than once a week? If I did that the missus would hunt me down and chop me up