Do i need a GF

LegacyUser

Ok so i havent been "going out" with a girl since my early teens (a good few years ago now.) All my mates are with there girlfriends long-term well a year or two for the shortest couple 5 or 6 the others. Fair enough to them, i have not been as lucky in the love game as them, don't get me wrong i wouldnt mind being in the same position. The thing is the rest of them are always trying "hook me up", fair play to them, but i always wonder do i really want that. Sure i could do with the company and bit of action, but i am happy and content living the single life getting no action than being pressured into a false relationship.

What are your opinions on this? Im just lost and need some guidance................

Webmonkey

Yeah never be pressured into a false relationship. I think that sucks. It will happen when you least expect it so I would be patient.

r3nu4l

Webmonkey is spot on here, it'll happen when you are ready for it and entering into something where the other person has higher expectations than you do wouldn't be fair to that person.

littlesurfer

i was just talking to a friend about this last night. he's 26/7 and been single for a good few years.....he was feeling the pressure a little too! His feelings on it were that it would be really unfair of him to get into a "thing" with a girl if he wasn't 100% into it.

I would tend to agree. Wait till you meet some girl who knocks the socks off you!

i did the opposite over the last few years......I wouldn't reccomend it....i've been out with some interesting characters to put it nicely...i'm holding out from now on

iremex

been single 18months now and its a blast mate. got out of an intensive relationship in 2003 ( a deep one) and for 2years i dated ppl off and on with no real commitment and i felt worst for it. i KNEW i wasn't ready.

better single and happy than with someone and both miserable.!

dvega

Totally agree with the above posts,sounds like your in your mid twenties,you have plenty of time to settle down,in the mean time live life once your tied down its a whole new ball game.
You'll know when your ready.

vorbis

??????? wrote:

Ok so i havent been "going out" with a girl since my early teens (a good few years ago now.) All my mates are with there girlfriends long-term well a year or two for the shortest couple 5 or 6 the others. Fair enough to them, i have not been as lucky in the love game as them, don't get me wrong i wouldnt mind being in the same position. The thing is the rest of them are always trying "hook me up", fair play to them, but i always wonder do i really want that. Sure i could do with the company and bit of action, but i am happy and content living the single life getting no action than being pressured into a false relationship.

What are your opinions on this? Im just lost and need some guidance................

Are you really shy or do you get nervous around women? I ask as I know people who have the same attitude as you and they have it due to being nervouse around women. If you don't want to go out with a girl (bear in mind, one date does not equal marriage!!), what do you want???

Are you questioning your sexuality? Do you have a very low sex drive? If you're straight, then its abnormal (as in not like the majority of guys) to not want some form of relationship with a girl. i hope you're not deluding yourself into thinking you don't need a girl just to cover up any inadequacies you have regarding getting a girl.

LadyJ

OP,if you're not interested in a shallow fling or being with somone just for the sake of it then just do your thing. If you're happy being single then why force yourself to get with someone?

The decisions we make in life should reflect what we really hope to achieve. You should be stepping towards the things that you feel will make you happy and not the things that you don't really want.

If you meet someone who you really want and are really into then go for it but if you aren't bothered then why go out of your way?

Carrigart Exile

??????? wrote:

Ok so i havent been "going out" with a girl since my early teens (a good few years ago now.) All my mates are with there girlfriends long-term well a year or two for the shortest couple 5 or 6 the others. Fair enough to them, i have not been as lucky in the love game as them, don't get me wrong i wouldnt mind being in the same position. The thing is the rest of them are always trying "hook me up", fair play to them, but i always wonder do i really want that. Sure i could do with the company and bit of action, but i am happy and content living the single life getting no action than being pressured into a false relationship.

What are your opinions on this? Im just lost and need some guidance................

For one so young you show incredible wisdom. As a married man I so wish I had followed your lead.

squiggy

Im in the same boat, all my friends have partners and they thought it wud be great to set me up on new year's eve, at the time it seemed like a good idea but now I realise I just want to be single so Im faced with the task of breaking it to him.

Anyway the point is just politely say to your friends that your happy being single and you don't want a partner at the moment....I know i wish i had!!

AnonoBoy

vorbis wrote:

Are you really shy or do you get nervous around women? I ask as I know people who have the same attitude as you and they have it due to being nervouse around women. If you don't want to go out with a girl (bear in mind, one date does not equal marriage!!), what do you want???

Are you questioning your sexuality? Do you have a very low sex drive? If you're straight, then its abnormal (as in not like the majority of guys) to not want some form of relationship with a girl. i hope you're not deluding yourself into thinking you don't need a girl just to cover up any inadequacies you have regarding getting a girl.

Dude - you're reading a lot into the OP's post. Are you a psycho analyst or something? Sheessh - leave him be.

vorbis

Sorry, it reads like my brother could have written it, guess its just a pet peeve of mine. I used to be really bad with women when I was in college, and hung out with some people who were really bad as well. Some of them were like myself in that they weren't happy about it. Others were like the OP in that they said that they didn't need girls. It always came across as reeking of insecurity to me.

getting no action

This comment is significant to me. It suggests that there's nothing at all going on regards girls and hasn't been for years (this is an assumption on my part). If thats the case, I'd wager for 9 out of 10 men, that would be a problem.

Crucifix

I think Vorbis raises a good point, whether it applies to the OP or not. I reckon the OP should definitely take a good look at his feelings and motivation.
That said, I'm definitely not in favour of going out with someone just for the sake of it.

bugs90

I've been single for about 18 mths after a v serious relationship. I have had a whole lot of fun and have no regrets with that but I went out with someone for a few months for the sake of it and that was such a bad idea. Made me feel like sh 1t and ended up hurting her.
If you're happy, just be happy and dont sweat it:D

LegacyUser

'

vorbis wrote:

Are you really shy or do you get nervous around women?

I'm not shy around them at all, if anything im a bit over-confident, which in turn drives them away.

vorbis wrote:

Are you questioning your sexuality?

I wouldn't go that far.

vorbis wrote:

Do you have a very low sex drive?

Yes, but mainly due to not having any sex.

vorbis wrote:

If you're straight, then its abnormal (as in not like the majority of guys) to not want some form of relationship with a girl.

Its not that i dont want some form of relationship, its when the opportunity seems to be arising i couldn't be arsed persuing it.

vorbis wrote:

i hope you're not deluding yourself into thinking you don't need a girl just to cover up any inadequacies you have regarding getting a girl.

I think you may have nailed it on the head there.'

Sony

sounds to me like you want one:D

Just hold onto a good thing when it comes along---dont go looking too hard but dont shy away from it either!

chuci

you could do some kindsa funs things like speed dating or something you never know you could meet someone and if not it still be loads of fun. i wouldnt suggest going out with someone just for the sake of it its bad for them but you prob be worst for you. if your happy living the single life why not stick to it until you find someone who you know oyu want to be with. hard though if all your friends are in couples thinking your wierd because you want o be single. stick it out.

Red Hand

If you are happy being single OP, then there is no point in having a g/f just because everyone else has one.

Black Swan

??????? wrote:

i have not been as lucky in the love game as them, don't get me wrong i wouldnt mind being in the same position... Sure i could do with the company and bit of action, but i am happy and content living the single life getting no action than being pressured into a false relationship.

Well, it would seem that the right someone has not come along yet? When she does, you will know.

Marksie

??????? wrote:

'
I'm not shy around them at all, if anything im a bit over-confident, which in turn drives them away.

Over-confident? Are you telling us that you come across as an "I can have anyone" type.. or come across as arrogant?. In my exprience, being confident or over confident is not something that drives women away. Are you perhaps confusing over confidence with intimidation?? driving them away and is this happening for a reason known to yourself?

??????? wrote:

Its not that i dont want some form of relationship, its when the opportunity seems to be arising i couldn't be arsed persuing it.

So are you telling us that opportunities have arisen for you to explore the possibility of a realtionship? Couldn't be arsed or got scared of the of actual intimacy with another. Masking it in a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders . Or perhaps it is the idea that its there, it could happen but you convince yourself that you don't want it to?

??????? wrote:

I think you may have nailed it on the head there..

I think vorbis is very close, but is it deeper than that? Is it in yourself that lies the fear. of hurt, inadequancy or some such?

The question is simple: If you look at yourself as see what vorbius is saying, what are you going to do about it? Take a chance and risk the inadequacy. Remember, we all learn sometime these things dont come naturally. and you dont grow unless you learn.

MugMugs

??????? wrote:

Ok so i havent been "going out" with a girl since my early teens (a good few years ago now.) All my mates are with there girlfriends long-term well a year or two for the shortest couple 5 or 6 the others. Fair enough to them, i have not been as lucky in the love game as them, don't get me wrong i wouldnt mind being in the same position. The thing is the rest of them are always trying "hook me up", fair play to them, but i always wonder do i really want that. Sure i could do with the company and bit of action, but i am happy and content living the single life getting no action than being pressured into a false relationship.

What are your opinions on this? Im just lost and need some guidance................

Why in good gods name would you want to inflict a relationship onto yourself !?

Do you need a hand paying the mortgage cos she will just get half anyway....

You learned a valuable subconcious lesson in your teens and you have been obeying it very well up until now.

Sew those wild oats squire and sew them good. When you begin to bald / thin on top and pork out a bit then go in search of a woman but for now, live the dream and laugh at your commited mates who wont be able to make the pub this weekend ! !