commitfobe

LegacyUser

hi there,basically ive been going out with my boyfriend for around 7 years but he refuses to move in with me everytime i ask we just end up in an arguement, we only see each other about 3 days a week due to our work schedules but he isnt working at the moment but still makes no extra effort to see me anymore,yet i have spent nearly all my spare time with him and have lost out on a lot of time with my friends!i dunno maybe its because im with him so long that this seems normal!i dunno any suggestions?

Nevyn

Get on with your life and the goals that you have set for yourself.
Do what you want to do and if he wants the same he will pull up his socks,
don't wait around for him.

limklad

Unregjan07 wrote:

hi there,basically ive been going out with my boyfriend for around 7 years but he refuses to move in with me everytime i ask we just end up in an arguement, we only see each other about 3 days a week due to our work schedules but he isnt working at the moment but still makes no extra effort to see me anymore,yet i have spent nearly all my spare time with him and have lost out on a lot of time with my friends!i dunno maybe its because im with him so long that this seems normal!i dunno any suggestions?

After 7 years going out, unless you both are very young, i suggest move on. You both already discuss it and he is not commited.

Ruu_Old

Get on with your life OP, you have tried to talk to him and he is not budging.

Silverfish

You probably would need to give us a general idea of your ages - sometimes in some relationships its not about how long you are together, but the ages of the people involved.

From what you have said, I would pre-emptively say that after 7 years, if he is not willing to see you more times a week even though he is not working, or he is not willing to try living with you, then I would say it is time for you to start moving on.

My mother always says ( and she's always right) 'If you want to know me, come live with me'.

She thinks all couples should try living together to see how their relationship goes - you wouldn't buy a car without a test drive, would you?

So if he isn't willing to take the extra step of seeing you more nights a week, never mind living together, I'd be seriously considering a life change.

If you feel you don't want to break up with him, then as Thaedydal suggested, start doing your own thing. He either shapes up or ships out ( as my mother also says).

LegacyUser

'hi everyone thanx for the advice,we are both 24,and yeah ive thought about splitting up lots of times but i just cant seem to fall through with it,i dunno whats wrong with me at all!!i think ive just been with him so long that its become routine and im afraid of being left on my own!ii know im only 24 and theres plenty more fish in the sea and all that but its just hard when your with someone for so long, you tend to think they will always be there!'

decies

Dont be to harsh on him your both 24 thats still young!!!!
( probably ancient for some people around here)
I know seven years seems a long time ,sometimes it 3 or 4 years sometimes it takes longer.
Maybe he is also afraid of the financial committment as well.
I knew somebody who was dumped out of the blue by his girlfriend as he was not ready after five years..
He was devastated.
All i will say to you is do you love him and does he love you??
Are you and him, not just him, still making a effort in the relationship,things like talking together,texting each other ,making the effort in the bedroom department??
If the answer is yes to the above you can work through this ok.

Its all too easy for a girl to say right 5 years,seven years house and marraige or get lost!!!!!
It happens every day and imho it happens too often.
Plenty more fish in the sea is correct but is he the one for you??
I wish you well whatever happens but please just dont dump him out of the blue,at least try to work it out at least.
Good luck with that......

ELLIEJ

You are obviously not getting what you want from the relationship. It would appear to me that he is used to getting things his own way in this relationship and not really taking heed of what you want. you can spend the next 70 years with someone like him, cos he is unlikely to dump you when it is so cushy or move on. I personally would sit him down, tell him what is bothering me and what you want from the relationship and if he cant provide it move on. You sound like you are in a rut but not a happy rut. Take it from me, who is a good few years older than you - people do not change and he is not putting in the effort cos he does not feel he needs to.

Ask for what you want and if you dont get it then move on.. You CANNOT and should not have to change him - there are enough fish etc etc

ELLIEJ

and a second thing - why the hell are you at dumping your friends regularily for him, when he doesnt even seem to want to see you. Wake up and smell the coffee. Men come and go but friends are forever.......