Looking for a critique and follow up tips

LegacyUser

Today, I was lounging about my school’s lounge trying to kill 30 minutes waiting for my 2 hour philosophy death class. I was about to fall asleep for sheer boredom when a pretty nice looking girl from my class (lets call her Philly Girl) showed up early as well. I’ve exchanged “hellos, some class huh?, and goodbyes” with Philly Girl for a few weeks, but never had a substantial conversation her. Personally, she doesn’t look like my type (hot nonetheless) and vice versa. After, we exchanged greeting and I offered her a seat, we started up a conversation that I was more than certain would be limited to “this class sucks,” long pauses of disinterest, and a timely mobile call to save us from the nightmare. Shock of shocks, this did not happen. Instead, we had a solid ten minute conversation that was both funny and deep. Jesus, we talked about everything from our families to the crazy characteristics of some of our wacked-out classmates. All the while, I made her laugh would some pretty edgy humor that could have pissed her off, offended her, whatever. Instead, she responded with broad, loud laughs as if my observations and jokes were a stunning breath of candid fresh air. I sat next to her in class and aside from laughing together about these wacky guys during class, I didn’t bother talking to Philly Girl or hanging around her and her friends during the class break. Obviously, I didn’t want to look like desperate clinger. At the end of class, however, I asked if she would like to study sometime in a café or wherever and she hooked me up with her number.

So, did I play it right? I thought I did a pretty good job considering I’m usually a nervous wreck. Probably my one draw back is that I easily blush and that was really evident during our conversation.

Any tips on how to proceed? I’m not going to call her until early Saturday afternoon, but I will see her in class tomorrow. I don’t want to look like I want her oh so bad. Should I continue with more of the same tomorrow and then call her to set a study session on Saturday? If I am able to set up a study session, should I ask her out at the end? Or should I pace myself more and call her three days after that? I really want to pace this appropriately without making the mistakes common to clingers. Thanx.

randylonghorn

Pick a Name wrote:

I will see her in class tomorrow. I don’t want to look like I want her oh so bad. Should I continue with more of the same tomorrow ....

Why mess around with a winning formula? And rather than winding yourself up over when to ring / what to say / what will she think, why not take it more casually? ... e.g. at the end of class "Jeez, I need a coffee after that! Do you fancy one?" or some such.

If she's not rushing off somewhere, she will probably say yes, and then you can always pop a casual "would you like to meet up and do a bit of work on ..." or "Such a band are playing in X, I was thinking of going, would you be interested?" into the conversation.

Tbh, always found that approach a lot easier and less stressful when dealing with girls I didn't really know.

And by the way, have been told by girls that they find guys who blush easily really "cute" (in the positive sense, apparently) ... odd creatures that they are!!

dazftw

randylonghorn wrote:

And by the way, have been told by girls that they find guys who blush easily really "cute" (in the positive sense, apparently) ... odd creatures that they are!!

Yep happened with me! I was really shy 1st couple times she thought it was lovely Im going out with the girl two months today and couldn't be happier!

I have to say to OP that you did things perfectly and well done I can honestly say she mostly likes you! She gave you her number!! Thats a real positive sign right there!!

but yes, take it easy don't rush, at least until ye get comfortable around each (when theres no need to feel clingy when around her) If you get me?

5times

OP - why ring the girl when you see her every day ? Just take it easy and talk to her during school when you can . Like a previous poster said , act casually , start off with something about school and then work ahead . Sounds to me like you're in

Black Swan

Pick a Name wrote:

At the end of class, however, I asked if she would like to study sometime in a café or wherever and she hooked me up with her number.

Call her and follow up with a cafe' study session. Take it slow and don't rush it.

D-Generate

Forget ringing, just ask her to her face. If you see her everyday there is no need to plan when you can simply just ask her to go for a coffee at any time after a lecture.

limklad

Pick a Name wrote:

Today, I was lounging about my school’s lounge trying to kill 30 minutes waiting for my 2 hour philosophy death class. I was about to fall asleep for sheer boredom when a pretty nice looking girl from my class (lets call her Philly Girl) showed up early as well. I’ve exchanged “hellos, some class huh?, and goodbyes” with Philly Girl for a few weeks, but never had a substantial conversation her. Personally, she doesn’t look like my type (hot nonetheless) and vice versa. After, we exchanged greeting and I offered her a seat, we started up a conversation that I was more than certain would be limited to “this class sucks,” long pauses of disinterest, and a timely mobile call to save us from the nightmare. Shock of shocks, this did not happen. Instead, we had a solid ten minute conversation that was both funny and deep. Jesus, we talked about everything from our families to the crazy characteristics of some of our wacked-out classmates. All the while, I made her laugh would some pretty edgy humor that could have pissed her off, offended her, whatever. Instead, she responded with broad, loud laughs as if my observations and jokes were a stunning breath of candid fresh air. I sat next to her in class and aside from laughing together about these wacky guys during class, I didn’t bother talking to Philly Girl or hanging around her and her friends during the class break. Obviously, I didn’t want to look like desperate clinger. At the end of class, however, I asked if she would like to study sometime in a café or wherever and she hooked me up with her number.

So, did I play it right? I thought I did a pretty good job considering I’m usually a nervous wreck. Probably my one draw back is that I easily blush and that was really evident during our conversation.

Any tips on how to proceed? I’m not going to call her until early Saturday afternoon, but I will see her in class tomorrow. I don’t want to look like I want her oh so bad. Should I continue with more of the same tomorrow and then call her to set a study session on Saturday? If I am able to set up a study session, should I ask her out at the end? Or should I pace myself more and call her three days after that? I really want to pace this appropriately without making the mistakes common to clingers. Thanx.

I say it straight and what you need to know. “It is you that is your biggest problem”, Your insecurity to be exact. You are your biggest enemy here. If you feel nervous and afraid of making mistakes, that ok, we all been down this road, it is part of growing up.. We all do it. You already recognize your mistakes which is a big plus. Not many people can do that. Ask your self, how would you feel if you don't? How would she feel if she like you and you ignored her? Ask her out and if your nervous say that to her. It can be flattering to women, especially if they feeling are mutual and if she don’t, then the nature of her true colours will show. It will let her know more about your feeling to her. If she interested and the feeling is mutual then she will accept. If she does not accept, then you know where you stand and you can move on. It can be hard I know. Be yourself, be honest but control yourself, one step at a time. There is nothing worst than trying to behave in a false manner, to cover up your insecurity. She probably has her own insecurity. You will get caught out and people will not trust you. You not alone in this situation, I made some blundering mistakes in not asking girls that I like, and found out much later that they liked me. I also behave like you did, avoiding them, not trying to feel clingee. The fact is if she likes you, she will want you around. Give her space when she needs it. I bet you would like space when you need it. Do not ignore her or look the other way. Smile if you see her and say hello. Also have you own thing to do. In time you security in your self will come. Do not hold your self security connected to how others treat you. Be the person you like to be in one step at a time. Learn from others.
What happened when the girl though I did not like them and they avoided me like the plague, until many years later when we met by accident alone and the situation was uncomfortable to say the least, after taking to the girl (woman now) about the past, I felt huge regrets and so will you if you don’t. I got turn down by many girls by my insecurity in my teens/early adulthood. I learnt from that and made thing better by not making the same mistakes.
What is boils down to: you will not know until you do ask and if she asks why you avoid her then apologies for it. Secure people apologies in a clam manner. You need to deal with yourself first and ask “why am I insecure? Why am I denying myself happiness?” Everybody deserve happiness, but not at the cost of others. Learn to be comfortable around yourself and with others.
The best way you can proceeds, is to be yourself first. Call her. Life is about taking risks and learning from them.

One tip, If you feel nervous, take a step back in your mind. And acknowledge the feeling. Once you have done this the nervousness will subside.
If unsure, close your eyes and simulate it in your mind and practice every situation that can happen and learn from the mistakes. Be aware of your behavior and control it.
Take care and good luck. You deserve it. Now call her and be cool with yourself.
:cool:

limklad

5times wrote:

OP - why ring the girl when you see her every day ? Just take it easy and talk to her during school when you can . Like a previous poster said , act casually , start off with something about school and then work ahead . Sounds to me like you're in

Rining her means that no one else can interupt you both (well most of the time) and it shows that you want to talk to her. ie "two way conversation".:D

LegacyUser

'Thx for the feedback so far.

I had another class with her today. I dunno, things kinda when tits up from the original post. I didn't expect to see her in class today since she mentioned that she had a conflicting appointment. She came in just in the nick of time. The seats around me were taken and she sat next to her friends. She acknowledged me with a wave only after I initated one. After that, nothing. During the 2 breaks, she was either on the phone or hanging with her friends. I didn't make myself unattainable and wanted to talk to her and set up something, but there were too many c*ck blockers present.

Maybe I am overreacting, but my chances don't look to promising at the moment. The class ends in early Feb, so I'm gonna go for it and ask her out anyway. I'll test the waters by calling her tomorrow in the early evening, tell her that I'm going to be studying for the big test during the weekend and would like to know if she would like to tag along. If she rebuffs this, I wont ask her out. If she accepts, I'll ask her out after the study session is over.

Is my logic and planned strategy flawed?'