fcuk buddy or boyf!

LegacyUser

I posted here jus before xmas,askin opinions on the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me)..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

dame

Sounds like he's just keeping his options open and will drop you in a flash if he finds someone else he really fancies. Do you really want to wait around and be there to be his "second best" forever more?

LundiMardi

Unreg06 wrote:

I posted here jus before xmas,askin opinions on the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me)..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

erm, you do everything a couple does and now you're on holiday together...

If you're afraid of getting into a relationship again then why the hell did you agree to go on holiday with him???? I mean come on!

Mad Dog

LundiMardi wrote:

erm, you do everything a couple does and now you're on holiday together...

If you're afraid of getting into a relationship again then why the hell did you agree to go on holiday with him???? I mean come on!

Good point :rolleyes:

free2fly

If you're afraid to get back into a relationship, then don't. It will only come back to bite you in the butt in the long run.

Blackpitts

Unreg06 wrote:

I posted here jus before xmas,askin opinions on the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me):(

you are already in a relationship!!

biko

Unreg06 wrote:

I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

Wonder on, or just ask him. If you love him, as he loves you, just try it again - it's worth it.

Black Swan

Unreg06 wrote:

and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..(

Why not talk to him when neither of you are drunk?

Beruthiel

Unreg06 wrote:

dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

Quit procrastinating out of fear.
You cannot avoid pain your whole life and if you do not take a risk sometimes you might as well go home, wrap yourself in cotton wool and never leave the house again.
You have two options.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel
or
Finish it with him because you're too scared to try.

Right now you are miserable because you have no clue what's going on. How long do you intend to keep that up?

comewatmay

looks to me like this guy enjoys the casual sex without the hassle of going out and getting it, i.e he sees u as an easy target and is tagging you along till he finds some1 better.What you need to do is sit him down and talk about what exactly both of ye want from each other. Do ye want a relationship? just to be fcuk budies? or wat...you need to ask him what he sees for the present not for the future

limklad

Unreg06 wrote:

the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me)..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do..

When we too shy or nervous to admit our feeling they do tend to come out when we are drunk or we bury them or say anything. Drink can cause us to be unpredictable.
When we too shy or nervous to admit our feeling they do tend to come out when we are drunk or we bury them or say anything. Drink can cause us to be unpredictable.

Unreg06 wrote:

I love him to bits

You have answered your own question.

Unreg06 wrote:

but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

Life is about risks. Sit down and Talk to him. If he loves you then he wants to be with U not just your body, for you put on it on your headline "Fck buddy or bf " That is your choice and always is.

John Mason

Unreg06 wrote:

I posted here jus before xmas,askin opinions on the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me)..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

errr very obvisiouly fcuk buddy ...............he is using you because he has no one else to go on holidays with and he knows you like him so he doesnt have to make an effort. what he says to you drunk means nothing. if he was saying it sober it would be a different matter

you are being used but if you are happy with that ............

triona1

Ok not seeming bad but all couples fight with drink,and it turns into a storm in a teacup,but the minute i see anything to do with beer wines or spirits,i think to myself have they not coped this yet,my partner and i drink me more so than him,put us together and theres murder(not around people)talk to him with no drink involved

vorbis

I must be missing something very obvious here ????
How exactly is she being used?
They go out on for what are for want of a better word dates. They presumably sleep together. That is definetly more boyfriend than ****buddy.
A ****buddy is literally supposed to be someone who you meet up with to have sex with. And even if that was the case, she's still not being used! Some of the comments here are bordering on sexism.

Miss Fluff

Unreg06 wrote:

I..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..:(

Christ, isn't he the charmer. :rolleyes: (:eek: )

So let me get this straight. You are basically in an open relationship and you can both go off and shag someone else whenever the fancy takes you? So he is offering everything a relationship has to offer except exclusivity and loyalty? That's fine if you can cope with that kind of thing but nine times out of ten this kind of situation leads to no end of head f8cks imo.

ELLIEJ

If you have to ask then he is your F B

Heyes

vorbis wrote:

I must be missing something very obvious here ????
How exactly is she being used?
They go out on for what are for want of a better word dates. They presumably sleep together. That is definetly more boyfriend than ****buddy.
A ****buddy is literally supposed to be someone who you meet up with to have sex with. And even if that was the case, she's still not being used! Some of the comments here are bordering on sexism.

Id go with the above. I personally think you are in a relationship without the official title or commitment to not see anyone else. You know the saying the truth always comes out when your drunk, if he was using you i dont think he would have said any of what he did when he was drunk, some may disagree with me, but i have always found my guard is slightly down with a few drinks on board and i tend to be more honest about what i think.

The best thing to do is talk to him,and discuss how things are explain how you feel and what he said when you were out. He clearly cares about you as you both spend a lot of time together. What is stopping you both giving it a go now ? obviously if you get back together he is seeing it maybe as the real thing,so he s having a bit of a fun before hand which tbh is understandable, but your both obviously emotionally involved and care a lot about each other so why bother with the rest and just get the two of you back together.

Shauna_K

OP i was in ur position and i know how u feel, i really do, but im betting that sometimes the thought flashes through ur mind that this is not good enough, and its not, ITS NOT.

If he wants to comit to you thats one thing, if he's leading u on thats another. Someone above said that it sounds like he this guy is keeping his options open, and thats certainly what it sounds like and id hate to see anyone put themselves in the situation i was in, i knew in my heart of hearts this guy would dump me like a piece of crap as soon as he found someone else and thats exactly what he did, i cant tell u how awful the whole thing has made me feel and what terrible effect it has had on my sense of self and confidence.

If u have any strength in you at all, demand better because everyone deserves it.

Best of luck and please take care of urself x

chuci

id say talk to him fig out where ye both stand before getting into anything as for holidays might not be such a good idea. you being led up the garden path? i suppose tyou have to ask yourself if its worth it really worth getting hurt again? talk to him discuss your worries

sobriquet

Unreg06 wrote:

I posted here jus before xmas,askin opinions on the current relationship Im having wid my ex..we do all the things a couple does,like cinema,bowling,gym,shoppin and have a great laugh..now were going on holidays together(he asked me)..and when we were drunk he said he still loves me and can see us being together exclusively a few months down the line..but we have to make sure its the right decision because if we break up again we'l both be devastated.. I wonder was this jus the drink talking..we both date other people the odd time but everybody has been a disappointment..I dont know what to do.. I love him to bits but Im afraid of gettin back into a relationship!

How did ye break up?

There's a lot of reflexive assumption here that the guy is basically a manipulative shít. He invited her on holiday, and appears to still care a lot for her - **** buddies don't do that sort of stuff - and the OP is saying she doesn't want to get into a relationship... well, who's leading who on here?

When he told you (while drunk, but as the saying goes, in vino veritas) that he still had feelings for you and might want to resurrect the relationship, he qualified it by saying ye both have to be sure because another breakup would really hurt. To me, that sounds fairly reasonable. From my reading of your post, it seems that you're holding back at least as much as he is. Perhaps he's aware of this: if he was into the relationship and got burned, well, he's not going to jump in again overnight. So yes, he may be sitting on the fence but perhaps with reason. (I'm saying this because it resonates with something that happened to me recently.)

You said you're afraid of getting back into a relationship again: why? Don't want the hurt of a breakup again? Maybe ye're both on the same page then. 'Course, you won't know till ye talk it through.