Troubles with BF

LegacyUser

Im so frustrated and confused heres my story!

Yesterday morning I checked my credit card balance online and found my boyfriend had taken money off it for something online though it was only €10 its been €10 for the last few months. I gave him permission the first time that was fine but since he's been doing this without my permission. Last week I had a blazing row with him over this he said that it wasnt him that the money was going off my credit card by accident. So I said I wanted all my details removed and I was ringing the company to get th money back. He made a big sng and dance saying he'd give me the money not to ring. I said as long as my details were gone from the site I'd leave it go. But yesterday there was money gone again and I completely lost my temper.

I rang him and said it and he said the details are gone but I got so mad at him cos I am ment to be able to trust him and I thought he would have the respect and decency to ask my permisson before using my credit card.

I suppose you should know some background, we're together 6 years living together 6 months for me I moved to a new city and still dont know anyone mainly cos of the job im in so all I have here is him.

So we were out with each other then yesterday morning and I rang him at lunch and he was out with me cos I told him he'd more interest in his friends than me, so I was in the wrong in his mind.
I got home yesterday evening at 6 no sign of him till 6.30 when he txt saying "havin pint after work". I had an appointment so went and got back at 8 still no sign. I rang n rang n rang n txt and he completely ignored me. I was so upset he has no idea how I was feeling and he didnt even have the curtosy to come home after work and try sort things out with me instead he just leaves me.

I felt so alone I cried my eyes out all nite, I txt him and told him Id had enough that I was too stressed out and that onesided relationships dont work again no reply. I just feel hes not putting anythin in, even our sex life is scarce and it never use to be that way, I just think he's gone off me.

So he got home and I asked why he didnt answer the phone or text back he said he didnt realise it was vibrating in his pocket. Then he went to bed and that was it. Im completely gutted he's brushing off my feelings and if I say it to him he gets defensive.
Im at my wits end though today and he doesnt even realise it, I feel completely taken for granted, I dont feel like a gf should, special , loved....

As the months have moved on I just find him less interested, doing the cute boyfriend things less n less....dont get me wrong he has his days, and he does love me he just doesnt show it and i do truely love him, but i just feel like im nothing.
I dont even know why im posting this i have no real question but i needed to vent, there are people in the world that have problems a lot worse than me feeling rejected.

I just dont know what to do anymore, i give up trying, but then im so alone and lonely here......truely miserable today

milod

What's the tenner for each month? did he tell you? is it a porn site? is it a ring-tone site? Sounds like he's set up a Direct debit off your card or else he's been scammed by one of those porn/ringtone sites and doesn't want to admit it...

If he doesn't even have his own credit card, then why not? what age is he? he sounds a little immature from your description, but then again you come across as clingy and a little bunny-boiling to be honest... You're not married, he went for a pint and you barraged his phone with texts and calls all evening? Have some self respect and dump him if he's that bad.

LegacyUser

Hes 24 n no its not porn or ringtones.

And Im not a bunny boiler i dont care that he goes for a few pints thats not the issue the issue is he screwed up and instead of coming home to sort things out he stays out drinking he can go drinking any time he wants.

And its all very easy for you to say dump him but we have been together 6 years its not that easy to just let go of something.

And i didnt mean to come across clingy i guess i didnt explain things to well, but i am very independant its his lack of consideration and avoiding any issues that p'ed me off

Mighty_Mouse

Jaysis! Grow up will ya?

Fair enough you have moved to a strange city and dont know anybody. But you cant expect him to immediately drop "absolutely" everything and spend every possible waking second telling you how much he appreciates you!

Just have a frank conversation about what you expect. Presumably he will tell you where to get off on some things and agree with you on some things.!

Im sorry, I just find your expectations a bit "cute-sy"! I mean its an adult relationship with 2 working people. What did you expect?

Him having to lie to not "get in trouble" is pathetic. I mean do ye not have complete honesty? If he sent a quick text saying:: "out for a pint, wont be too late" would you have gone crazy? I bet: definitely!

I promise if you let a bloke have his occasionaly pint with the boys and get off his back a bit, then you'll be rewarded with the whole cute thing you require, more often

Fill your evenings. Take up yoga, join a few classes, and for the first while never turn down drink invitations from work colleagues. You'll be fine for friends.

As for the credit card thing. Sounds dodge. If he needs a credit card let him get his own. Cancel and reorder yours should do the trick so he wont have the information.

Finallly every relationship has its troubles, especially after big changes like yers. If your gonna do the whole "wailin nd baulin" thing, getting so upset you cant sleep.............then you're letting yourself in for a long hard road.

Relax, sort out the SMALL problems this evenin and get on with it

Poppy84

i dont think the OP is over reacting, I bet ye to posters were guys, shes obviously upset and hurt over his mistreatment.

The only way you are going to resolve these issues is to sit down with him and tell him you are feeling that way.

N guys if you read it its not about him out for a pint its about the classic guy taking girl for granted syndrome.....think every guy goes through this from what i hear. So back off dont be at his disposal 24/7 relax and try take the advice to go join a club or something that way you will meet ppl and when your not around he will begin to miss you!!!!

digitalage

Sounds more like time of the month for you, get over it you will be grand next week

Marksie

OP: Cancel the credit card, your Bf obviously hasn't done what he said he would.

No, i don't think you are a bunny boiler at all, i would be less than impressed if someone took advantage like that, then compunded it by going out on the booze... AND i am a guy.

I think it is time that you sat down and talked.... just make sure he is in the house at the time, put on paper what you feel and what he intends to do about it, but also what you intend to do as there are at least two issues here: A) the Credit Card and the taken for granted issue.

One poster did give some advice (amonst the guff) that was useful. Do try and find some outside activities to take up your time. It is always a concern when someone says he/she is all i have, so alter that part.

Beruthiel

marksuttonie wrote:

OP: Cancel the credit card, your Bf obviously hasn't done what he said he would.

Agreed.
Ring and just tell them you lost it or had it stolen. They'll send a new one with new details.
Lesson learned. Never give anyone your card details.
You're bloke is old enough to have his own at this stage anyway.

It's clear from your post that you are having some difficulty with the move and haven't settled in yet.
As you are in a new place and your bloke goes for a few drinks, could you not join him?
Tell him you are still finding your feet and a little bit of help from him on that score wouldn't go amiss.
And, as others have said, get yourself out there and join some clubs.
This is a small issue which I think turned into a mountain because you are still feeling a bit lost.

As the months have moved on I just find him less interested, doing the cute boyfriend things less n less....dont get me wrong he has his days, and he does love me he just doesnt show it and i do truely love him, but i just feel like im nothing

Are you expecting a bit much here do you think?
Now that ye live together, you cannot expect this to happen 24/7. He sees you everyday, things can get comfortable. Effort is required on both sides.
Go out together every so often to a nice restaurant.

Cake Fiend

Troubledtears wrote:

I rang n rang n rang n txt and he completely ignored me.

This will most likely only annoy him and make it even less likely that he'll contact you. He's not excused for being ignorant, but I think you'll need to back off a bit.

Also, your computer presumably has a full keyboard.

dellas1979

Listen,
just give him a bit of time to cool off.

Have learnt this the hard way, like yourself.

I dont thing you are being unreasonable one bit about the credit card. But some people have a tendency not to admit when they are wrong. He probably went to the pub to try and forget about it for a bit - things click in peoples head when they are more relaxed. When someone is on the attack, its impossible to talk.

I dont think you should cancel the card. I think he should sort it out. He should want to sort it out. Give him a little space to think about it. Then sit down and tell him to cancel what ever it is is being paid for.

Just sort that out first. I think that this will tell you alot about what is going on in the relationship. If he cant be bother to sort it out, then he isnt bothering at all.

The_B_Man

I was in a similar situation, except i was the fella (oh and no money issues ). In my opinion, based on my thing, he still loves ya but wants something new, like to see other people. Expect a horrible break up if he does get "sick" of it! He may also feel that hes bound to u now that u moved to his city and hes basically "stuck" with you, further making him feel like he HAS to stay with you an has no choice, which aint nice!

tbh, its on a downward slope.

dame

I would get rid of the credit card and get a new one and not give him the details. As others have said, at 24 he should have his own if he needs one. What is the site? If it's not porn or ring tones then it's probably either music downloads or gambling. It's definitely not anything he can't live without. You need to make the point that he can't take you and your credit card for granted.

You have to make the effort to meet new people, don't expect a ready-made group to come to you.

limklad

marksuttonie wrote:

OP: Cancel the credit card, your Bf obviously hasn't done what he said he would.

No, i don't think you are a bunny boiler at all, i would be less than impressed if someone took advantage like that, then compunded it by going out on the booze... AND i am a guy.

I think it is time that you sat down and talked.... just make sure he is in the house at the time, put on paper what you feel and what he intends to do about it, but also what you intend to do as there are at least two issues here: A) the Credit Card and the taken for granted issue.

One poster did give some advice (amonst the guff) that was useful. Do try and find some outside activities to take up your time. It is always a concern when someone says he/she is all i have, so alter that part.

Report you credit Card lost, that way you keep the credit limit you already have. You won’t get re-billed by that site again.
On one of my experiences on the credit card, I applied to a site subscription and a year later ask for it to be cancelled through the site own procedure and the site responded say I won't be billed again. The however, they bill me for a further 4 months before I cancelled the credit card. I sent several emails to them with one respond say it already cancelled the subscription. By canceling the card it sorted the web site debits. They were a foreign site so I had no comeback like here in Ireland. After another month that sent me several emails complaining that i never paid my subscription. I copied all the emails I sent them and replied to them. I got more emails of the same, so I got so fed up with them I told them to re my emails and my cancelled subscription and if they are not happy then to sue me. I never got a responds since. That was two years ago.

You boyfriend should not have used your credit card without your permission. That is stealing. It does not matter how long you are together.
Do have a talk to him. If he tried to blame everything else without taking responsibility then, it is time to dump him. It is hard I know, or else he will keep doing what he is doing, (and refusing to acknowledge his mistakes).
It takes two to make a relationship work. Everybody make mistakes. The mistakes are not important but the acknowledging and accepting responsibility for them is.
You also need to finds things you like doing. Meet the neighbors, try to socialize, meet his friends girlfriends/wife’s/partners. You may have more in common with them than you think.
I am a bloke myself and I do need time for myself to do my things. If your boyfriend is wise he will make up for his mistakes and rectified them.


Remember everybody make mistakes!!
Best of luck.

limklad

The_B_Man wrote:

Expect a horrible break up if he does get "sick" of it! He may also feel that hes bound to u now that u moved to his city and hes basically "stuck" with you, further making him feel like he HAS to stay with you an has no choice, which aint nice!

tbh, its on a downward slope.

Manipulation will only lead to you own downfall and make you the bad one, rRemember she is in his home (her foreign) city.
That the downward slope you need to avoid!
If he truly loves her than he will amends his ways.

limklad

dellas1979 wrote:

Listen,
just give him a bit of time to cool off.

Have learnt this the hard way, like yourself.

I dont thing you are being unreasonable one bit about the credit card. But some people have a tendency not to admit when they are wrong. He probably went to the pub to try and forget about it for a bit - things click in peoples head when they are more relaxed. When someone is on the attack, its impossible to talk.

I dont think you should cancel the card. I think he should sort it out. He should want to sort it out. Give him a little space to think about it. Then sit down and tell him to cancel what ever it is is being paid for.

Just sort that out first. I think that this will tell you alot about what is going on in the relationship. If he cant be bother to sort it out, then he isnt bothering at all.

I agree with the wise one

LegacyUser

'Jus to set you all straight we lived together in our home town when we met only reason we moved here was cos he got a job here and he moved here first and i followed a few months later.

And just one other issue I <b><u>do not</b></u> expect him to spend every minute with me He has his own life i am not complainging about not gettin attention 24/7.

I was upset over his lies, and then not coming home to deal with things and talk things through with me, and then for ignoring me it just felt like rejection

dellas1979 thanks for your advice.'

limklad

Troubledtears wrote:

I was upset over his lies, and then not coming home to deal with things and talk things through with me, and then for ignoring me it just felt like rejection

I would be upset and angry if my other-half lied and betrade me too. Talk about your feeling to him and how he is upsetting you. He needs to know or else he continue doing what he is doing and you will have to continue to deal with this issue. A smile for you today.

dellas1979

Well, you know, its hard to keep calm when you know there is something wrong.

All you can do is try. Just make sure that you are happy, ok? Thats the main thing.

sweet-rasmus

the whole thing with money leaving your credit card account is a bit off. whatever it may be, it would be best to cancel your card and get a new one sent out.

Black Swan

Cancel the card or report it lost and ask for a replacement with a new number. Happens all the time. No big deal.

As to the other matter, it would appear that he was avoiding you, cause he knew you were going to pounce on him. Cowardly, but natural. And you were awfully persistant with all the messages, so he knew what was coming!

The larger issues are trust and the nature of your relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship in the long run. And if you are feeling like you are being taken for granted, it's time for a talk? If you have had these talks, and nothing improves, then perhaps you should consider your future and if this is whom you want to be with?

the_syco

Troubledtears wrote:

Last week I had a blazing row with him over this he said that it wasnt him that the money was going off my credit card by accident.

Sounds like he forgot what he signed up for. What you should do, is google the name that appears on your statement, as it'll either give you peace of mind, or a reason to leave.

Motley Crue

Id kill him personally, and cancel the card, get a new numbered card issued

LegacyUser

limklad wrote:

You boyfriend should not have used your credit card without your permission. That is stealing. It does not matter how long you are together.
Best of luck.

It really depends on what the rest of your financial dealings are - for someone to say the above without knowing the other details is nonsense, it most probably is not stealing. If you don't trust him, then by all means cancel the card, but remember it is an admission that you don't trust him