grab ass girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi all I was out with my girlfriend of 8 months the other night when she had a few too many and got very frisky shall we say. we were in a busy city centre pub with a group of friends. we both we kissing and being very passionate at the time. later in the evening she started playing grab ass with the guys in our group. I took this as a joke as she was doing it right in front of me and some of the guys girlfriends. she can be very flirty.
the night went on and something happened that we were seperated for a while. As we were leaving I saw her talking to a friend of a friend and she was grabbing his behind aswell. this would be when she would not hink that I would be in eyeshot of her. I went straight over and the guy even said hay look heres you boyfriend so as to get her too me.
She acted like nothing happened and I didn't say anything but it pissed me off so much that she was doing that in a way that just seemed wrong. something else happened later on in the night so I left it at that but it is still pissing me off so much. I find that I text and ring her when Shes not around and I'm becoming more pocessive as a result of this. thats not how I want to be.
should I put this down to drunken sillyness or should I take some kind of action. our relationship involves a good bit of time appart so this is pretty important. I know it seems trivial but any help or advice would be very welcome.

Star Lord

Unsc wrote:

She acted like nothing happened and I didn't say anything but it pissed me off so much that she was doing that in a way that just seemed wrong. something else happened later on in the night so I left it at that but it is still pissing me off so much.
...
should I put this down to drunken sillyness or should I take some kind of action. our relationship involves a good bit of time appart so this is pretty important. I know it seems trivial but any help or advice would be very welcome.

I think you should have said something... but that's just me.

Not being nosey, but what is the something else that happened? If it had something similar then it may make a difference in how we should advise you here, but if it's something you don't want to discuss then feel free to keep it to yourself.

Personally I'd put it down to drunken sillyness, but you would need to talk to her to be honest.

Iago

I think you should break up with her, she didn't do anything particularily wrong but it's a symptom of something else.

She craves attention and grabbing hold of other guys asses is a sure sign that at least part of her has a desire to have other guys come on to her or show that they find her attractive. This will continue and will eventually escalate to the point where she kisses a guy and then apologises afterwards but the fact remains that it won't be the last time it happens.

After 8 months she should either be settled and happy with you or you should break up. I don't think she's happy with you, in a very loose (i still want attention from other men) type of way, and I only see that getting worse rather than better.

Get with someone who only wants to flirt with and feel your ass, when it's right that's much more fun than flirting with others.

dent

Imagine if you had being grabbing the ladies bottoms. I don't think she would have being impressed. Sounds like she has little respect for you.

Dumb her.

easyontheeye

for your own sanity get rid of her...you dont want her actions making you possesive and insecure...it will affect you in later relationships... theres plenty of girls out there who respect their boyfriends and dont feel the need to flirt...mickey tease or make a laugh of you.

Dutchology

If I went around grabbing guy's behinds, I'd expect to be dumped. She has no respect for you OP. Lose her and find someone that only wants to grab Your behind...

BoozyBabe

Iago wrote:

I think you should break up with her.

Dent wrote:

Dumb her.

easyontheeye wrote:

get rid of her...

Dutchology wrote:

Lose her

Please see my thread in AH.

Out of 5 replies, the advice given by 4 of them is to dump the girl for grabbing someons arse!!!!!:eek:

Now, I'm not saying what she did, was right, I wouldn't be happy if my bf grabbed some girls arse, but what ever happened to sit her down, talk to her & find out why she did it, explain to her how it made you feel etc, etc, etc.....
Depending on the outcome of that, & if behaviour improved or otherwise, then make a decision on the future of your relationship.

As said in my thread, I just feel we seem to have a tendency to give up (& advise to) far too easily these days!!!

kellxor.1337

Hey Op
So far everyone is sayin dump her or break up with her. Fair enough she was playing grab ass and watever the other thing was that happened thats your own business, But before you go and ruin 8 months of a relationship, Try talkin to her 1st, Tell her that it's an issue for you that she likes grabbin ass, Tell her It might seem like a joke to her but for you "and more than likely 99.9%of men" Grabbin the ass of another man in front of your boyfriend doesnt swing,

At least give her a chance to explain herself!

Kellz

kmick

Not really a dumping offense in my book. Just ignore it. You can hit her with it as an excuse next time you get caught doing something. Tell her you felt hurt because of her grabbing. Then start to cry. Actually only use the crying if you have done something really bad like crash her car or eat her chocolate.

Iago

BoozyBabe wrote:

Please see my thread in AH.

Out of 5 replies, the advice given by 4 of them is to dump the girl for grabbing someons arse!!!!!:eek:

What is the point of talking to her about it?

Explain that it's wrong? If she doesn't know that then her problems are bigger than he can possibly fix.

Explain that he's not happy with it? Who in their right mind would be happy with it?

Ask why she feels the need to do it? The only answer that's going to lead to will cause a bigger argument again.

I don't believe in giving up on anything easy, but I also don't believe in ignoring warning signs and pressing ahead regardless.

If she was happy, secure and content in the relationship she wouldn't be doing it.

If she respected him, she wouldn't be doing it.

If she respected her friends, she wouldn't be doing it to their boyfriends.

If she respected her male friends she wouldn't be putting them into uncomfortable positions.

If she was secure in herself she wouldn't be craving attention from other people.

That's a hell of a lot of disrespect and insecurities to take on, I'm not saying that people shouldn't but if the relationship was right and had a long term future there wouldn't have been a post like this in the first place.

Carrigart Exile

I agree with those who say speak first then take action depending on what you hear. You need to explain to her that you don't like her flirting (its hellish being on teh receiving end of that), you certainly don't like her grab people intimately and by doing so she is disrespecting you. Also, for her own safety, if she gets into the habit of getting drunk and groping men she has sent out the signal that physical contact is okay.

py2006

As inappropriate and disrespectful as her actions are I don't recommended dumping her straight out! Its a knee jerk reaction.

If you feel strongly enough about her and the relationship, question her on it. Ask her something like:

"Why do you feel it necessary to touch other men inappropriately in front of me and our friends?"

Her response to this should lead to your decision as to whether to dump her or not. If she dismisses you and continues to do it then dump her immediately!

I can guarantee you if you were to start feeling up other girls in front of her you would feel the reprecusions with immediate effect!

EDIT: By the way, this is beyond simple and harmful flirtation. If you were to grab her female friends breast it would not be deemed flirtation. Sexual assault more likely!

LegacyUser

the thing that happened later was that she got into a blazing row with a friend of hers and tears started to flow so I didn't think that it was a good time to bring it up. I have to state in fairness to her that se was saying to me throughout the night that "you know I'm only kidding right" and I said ye sure. it was only when I saw her grabbing some guy when I wasn't supposed to be around that I got angry.
I think breaking up with her is out of the question. its just to find a way to fully trust her and not get wraped up by jealously. how should I go about it if I want to raise the issue again.

Marksie

Unsc wrote:

the thing that happened later was that she got into a blazing row with a friend of hers and tears started to flow so I didn't think that it was a good time to bring it up. I have to state in fairness to her that se was saying to me throughout the night that "you know I'm only kidding right" and I said ye sure. it was only when I saw her grabbing some guy when I wasn't supposed to be around that I got angry.
I think breaking up with her is out of the question. its just to find a way to fully trust her and not get wraped up by jealously. how should I go about it if I want to raise the issue again.

I think that you had better explain to her what you feel and ask why she felt the need to grab ass, was it the alcohol talking?.

The guy who said here is your boyfriend..did he recognise her as obvioulsy drunk or had seen her grabbing ass with others.. in any event he did the right thing.

The ass grabbing thing may be a symptom of something more, it may not, but its best to get it out into the open.

Eamonn1110

Time to cash in the chips and move on there Buddy.

If she considers this to be acceptable behaviour with you present, what is she up to when you're not around.

Perhaps it is only because she was drunk and having a laugh, but there is obvious distrust in your relationship which is a serious flaw.

Plenty more non ass squeezing fish in the sea, so grab your rod and go Fishing.

Angeles

I'd say Dumping her for this once off accurence is abit extream for 8 months relationship?, it might not be extream if this is or has been a regular thing?
Has she normally done things to others which my be considered "wrong"?

The way i see it, you can look at this 2 ways

1: She dis-repects you and her friends and feels she can do as she likes for attention and what she believes is fun. (knowing its wrong but fun)

2: She holds you in high regards and feels it might be ok to "play around" abit with her friends knowing/thinking you and her friends trust her to be having abit of drunken fun, (not relising this is wrong)

Only way your going to get these answers though is by talking to her.
Let her know that even at the time you said it didn't bother you, that it does now and you would like to know why?
The answers per other peoples post could open up good or bad information for you to make some additional choices though.

dr.bollocko

Jesus christ. Its not like she flew the plane into the world trade centre, or bullied an Indian woman on national telly. She had a drunken game of assgrab with her (your?) friends. If you dont like it, hey, tell her that you dont like it. Jeez, I seem to recall her asking you, and you told her that you didnt mind....

She asked you about it. You kept saying "Yeah, thats fine, doesnt bother me." Well what do you expect her drunken ass to do? Realise that behind this delicate veil of her boyfriend approving her behaviour lies a cranky paranoid guy thinking "Just wait till we get home."?
*slap*

LegacyUser

'I'd say she's doing more than grabbing guys asses when you're not looking. I had a girl that used to play "grab ass", I dumped her pronto. I later found out she gave some guy I work with a blowjob in his car on the day of one of our dates.'

LegacyUser

'

dr.bollocko wrote:

She asked you about it. You kept saying "Yeah, thats fine, doesnt bother me." Well what do you expect her drunken ass to do? Realise that behind this delicate veil of her boyfriend approving her behaviour lies a cranky paranoid guy thinking "Just wait till we get home."?
*slap*

I have stated that that didn't bother me. it was when she was grabing a guy when she thought that I wasn't around that was hurtful. as for the last sentence. screw you buddy!'

Beruthiel

dr.bollocko wrote:

Realise that behind this delicate veil of her boyfriend approving her behaviour lies a cranky paranoid guy thinking "Just wait till we get home."?
*slap*

A totally uncalled, unhelpful for comment.
B

dodgyme

Dump her , or pay the price. If you would enjoy grabbin other women then she enjoys physically fondling other men .. so dump her

Marksie

dr.bollocko wrote:

Jesus christ. Its not like she flew the plane into the world trade centre, or bullied an Indian woman on national telly. She had a drunken game of assgrab with her (your?) friends. If you dont like it, hey, tell her that you dont like it. Jeez, I seem to recall her asking you, and you told her that you didnt mind....

She asked you about it. You kept saying "Yeah, thats fine, doesnt bother me." Well what do you expect her drunken ass to do? Realise that behind this delicate veil of her boyfriend approving her behaviour lies a cranky paranoid guy thinking "Just wait till we get home."?
*slap*

Very fair point...well up until the slap bit.
add to that a drunken row at the end of the night she had with her mate and it indicates somenoe who really isn't in control.
So Lesson 1) if she asks if it bothers you... if it does.. answer YES.
Lesson 2) Rather than brood about it and start getting paranoid, wait til she is sober and then explain what where why and how it made YOU feel.
Lesson 3) when you start you are most probably going to get the answer "but you said you were happy with it". A bit of a rod from your own back.

But not insurmountable if you just be opne and calm

dr.bollocko

I didnt mean to cause offence. I wasn't implying at any stage that you were violent or had the potential to be violent.
when I said *slap* I was just giving you an e-slap to snap you out of worrying about it. Dont mean to imply that you are normally a cranky paranoid guy or anything like that, but it came across as if you were making mountains out of molehills in my opinion.
Thats all I was saying.

Caliden

MY gf and I do this all the time when we're out with her friends and their bf's. Everyone in the group knows that it's only a bit of craic. Most of the time it ends up with all the lads giving each other titty twisters by the end of the night. I think you're being a wee bit paranoid

hullaballoo

What's the problem?

She was just messing. Some girls are like that. If she was shagging them, you might have an issue, but you're not fracking married to each other.

Why does it make a difference that she was doing the same thing when you weren't there? Do you feel a need to supervise her? "Oh yes, you can act a certain way when I'm there, but not when I'm gone". Personally, if I had a girlfriend and she was a flirt in front of me, I'd take that to mean that she's not going to be a cheater.

It's a good thing that she doesn't hide it from you, if you catch my drift.

LegacyUser

hullaballoo wrote:

What's the problem?

She was just messing. Some girls are like that. If she was shagging them, you might have an issue, but you're not fracking married to each other.

Why does it make a difference that she was doing the same thing when you weren't there? Do you feel a need to supervise her? "Oh yes, you can act a certain way when I'm there, but not when I'm gone". Personally, if I had a girlfriend and she was a flirt in front of me, I'd take that to mean that she's not going to be a cheater.

It's a good thing that she doesn't hide it from you, if you catch my drift.

I've never looked at it that way. I think thats dispelled the dark clouds in my mind. thanks

dame

Dark clouds dispelled or not I'd still tell her I don't like it. It may just be a bit of craic to do it once or twice but to keep doing it all night is a bit much. To me that spells a girl who's a bit insecure, desperate for attention and can't survive without knowing guys are fancying her/paying her attention. Does she spend more time talking to the guys in the group rather than the girls when you're out like that? If she does then I think that proves that theory. I'd ask her to tone it down a bit. If she doesn't then you're going to have to think about how you feel about your relationship and her behaviour some more.

cast_iron

Probably one of the most hideous threads I have read in a long time. Quite why I'm responding, I'm not sure.

She was drunk. We all do things we wouldn't normally do when sober. It was a once off also. The fact that she did it when you weren't there is irrelevant. I doubt she was doing it all along because you were there, so if you weren't there should make no difference. I'd guess she did it for the fun and she had a few drinks. Get over it.

sweet-rasmus

good advice there hullaballoo

OP; do talk to her. bring it up somhow (however we suggest or you try, it won't be easy, but it would settle your mind).

dodgyme

I am telling you to dump her.Dont listen the 'its only a bit of craic' bridgade. You came here for advice so take it. She is doing something that if it was the other way around you could get a decent slap on the face for if it was a woman. When a woman touches inappropriately the male will pick up on this and the lads in the group you were out with will now think they can have your woman. Silly boy, go out with someone who has a bit more cop on.

Petey2006

I dont think the whole 'DUMP HER!' arguement is totally rational, to be honest. You should have said something at the time if it was bothering you, that's for sure. Saying it's fine and then later having a problem is kinda spineless. However, it's done. What I'd do now is I'd approach the subject in a manner that's not accusatory, but just explain it to the girl that you're not comfortable with that kind of thing and ask her to cut it out. If she's anyway rational herself, she'll accept that and stop. If not, then there's a respect issue there and maybe there is a case for dumping her ass! Good luck with it anyway! I know I'd not be too comfortable with it myself!