How best to follow up

vorbis

Bit of a daft question this. Its just that I've been here in Boston for a year and have gotten a bit used to american way of doing things.

So anyways, I was out Saturday night with some friends. One of the guys came with a girl (Val). She had just moved over from Ireland. I didn't know what the situation was between them but she started flirting with me and I started flirting back. After chatting as a group for a while, it became clear that my friend was just friends with Val. At the end of the night we kissed and I went back to her place.

She had invited all the group to a party for the football match on Sunday night (Manning:( ) It becomes complicated as it turns out that my friend had asked her out the previous weekend and she had rejected him. I had a hunch that he might have liked her but he never said anything to me.

Anyways, at the party, she and I just acted like friends and as if nothing happened. She wants to keep it a bit quiet so I'm unsure how to proceed. The whole asking someone out on a date / hanging out is standard practice over here but always seemed a big deal back home. I don't want to ring her up, ask her out to something and have it come across as sounding too serious.

She'll probably be out again next weekend, so i could just wait and meet her again then. Personally, I'm leaning more towards this as in text back and forth a few times during the week but not actually make any plans to meet up.

free2fly

I don't see any harm in texting her. Have you asked your friend how he feels about her?

vorbis

I haven't. She was the one who told me about him liking her. She views it as just friends though. My friend did ask me did I go back to her place so he knows something happened. He didn't mention it last night, I could tell he was a little upset but he wasn't acting odd towards me or anything.

LegacyUser

'this is semi-related. i'm female so would appreciate a guys point of view.

what's the balance between a guy playing it cool and being uninterested when it comes to follow up.

was out with a guy sat. technically a first date but we've met a couple of times over the last few months just went for a bit to eat and drink and some dancing.
we had a bit of a kiss at the end of the night and i really enjoyed it.
can't remember the exact words when we left things, something like we'd talk soon or he'd call during the week.

so presumably in boy speak this means wed/thurs? if i don't hear from him could i contact him? boys would you like the girl to contact you? or if you don't get on too her are you just not interested? do guys always want to be the chasers as opposed to the chased?

i figure i at least owe him lunch or something after he paid for dinner...although i'd actually just like to see him again'

limklad

howtoproceed wrote:

we had a bit of a kiss at the end of the night and i really enjoyed it.
can't remember the exact words when we left things, something like we'd talk soon or he'd call during the week.

so presumably in boy speak this means wed/thurs? if i don't hear from him could i contact him? boys would you like the girl to contact you? or if you don't get on too her are you just not interested? do guys always want to be the chasers as opposed to the chased?

i figure i at least owe him lunch or something after he paid for dinner...although i'd actually just like to see him again'

He could be busy or anything could be distracting, so play it cool, do not upset yourself over it. Wait until Friday evening/Saturday morning before contacting him, Tell him you own him a dinner, that will get around the awkward moment, if any. The ball will be firmly in his court.
These days been chased or chasing, it does not really matter as long as you are secure with yourself or not behaving if you are clinging to him. Give him one chance with your call. If he responds positively, you know the story or if not, call it a day.

_blank_

howtoproceed wrote:

we had a bit of a kiss at the end of the night and i really enjoyed it.

If he kissed you, he likes you.

If you enjoyed it, you like him.

howtoproceed wrote:

can't remember the exact words when we left things, something like we'd talk soon or he'd call during the week.

If it was 'we'll talk soon' then there's no harm in you contacting him. IMO he'd love that.

howtoproceed wrote:

although i'd actually just like to see him again'

.
Er,...ring him then.

ELLIEJ

Grow a pair of goolies and ask her out for a drink. No harm done if nothing comes of it. Women are more cool with these things than men believe .......