Best approach?

LegacyUser

OK so this isn't the end of the World but I'd still like some advice on it.

I've fancied this guy for about 4 or 5 years but I never tried it because I thought he was way out of my league and he always had a girlfriend. I was out a couple of nights ago and he was too. I know him to speak to through my best friend but lately we've been getting on better and better. Anyway, this particular night we kissed and I have been out with him a couple of times since.

The only problem (well not a problem for me) is the age difference - 6 years. I live in a small enough town so everyone knows everyone's business. I know I'm going to have to tell my Mum if it develops into a relationship because she'll find out from someone else but I'm not sure how to tell her. I've told her about all my exes and she's been grand but none of my exes have ever been more than 1 year older than me. He's 25 and I'm 19 by the way.

So I was wondering what people think I should do. Do you think the age gap is too much? Well to be honest I don't really care if people see it as a problem. I'm a lot more mature than most people my age, for the most part, and I have loads in common with this guy. Mainly I'm wondering how I should approach telling my Mum?

Victor

smitten07 wrote:

I'm a lot more mature than most people my age

Thats whats we all say.

LegacyUser

I went out with someone around that age before... + I was 20... big mistake... a short while into 'going out' together.. he started on about settling down etc... It freaked me out.
AND I've a friend who started going out with some one around that age also+ the guy she was going out with, also started talking about marriage etc...
I know not everyone who is 26 would be like that, however, I'd make sure before you start anything, that this guy isn't totally looking for something you might not be, as you're 19...
Personally, I'd never ever ever go out with someone again who was that much older than me...

Sparky

It really depends on the person really.
At such an age gap people have different outlooks on life.
You are going on 20 and your life has just started to get going, while the guy will be 26 and for the most part thinking about settling down etc.
Not that anything like that may happen, but the chances are greater at such an age.
Ask him how he feels about the relationship should it grow.
Personally I don't have problems with age difference within reason of course, but I do think it's something you will have to work hard on as 1 party has already been there, done that and may have the t-shirt.

honru

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the age difference imo. Live and enjoy life.

As for informing your mother, just tell her. Be direct and honest with her. If she doesn't accept the idea of you being in a relationship with a six-year age gap, get to the bottom of what she's fearing.

BrandonBlock

Thats nothing of an age gap,go for it!

Ruu_Old

Agreed with the above posts, that isn't really much of a gap. If you reckon you can be happy then go ahead with it. Spanky-s is correct about the plans for the future, you might be thinking of going to college, etc and your potential partner might be fininshing or working. Just some things to think about.

Chinafoot

Like the others have said, the age gap isn't all that big when you consider both your ages. If neither of you have a problem with it then everyone else can sod off.

As for informing your mother... Well, to be perfectly honest, do you not think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself? Perhaps you should wait and see if anything is going to develop before you go telling your mam you're seeing someone, particularly if you think she'll react badly to the age difference. No point in causing problems for yourself.

Should things become somewhat serious and you decide to tell her (or she starts asking questions because she's heard things from a nosey neighbour) then be up front and tell her that you like this guy and although he's a few years older you are both mature adults and she has absolutely nothing to worry about. Don't automatically go on the defensive. If she thinks he's too old for you, going on the defensive and getting mad isn't the best way to prove to her you aren't a child.

Ultimately you should enjoy yourself and ignore the curtain-twitchers.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies so far.

Just a point in reply to everyone wondering about him wanting to settle down. One of my friends said to him yesterday that she wanted to start having kids by the time she was 30 because she wouldn't mind settling down then. He told her that she wouldn't be saying that when she was 25 and that he had no plans to settle down in the near future. He wants to wait at least another ten years.

As for getting ahead of myself regarding telling my Mum, you're absolutely right. The reason I asked was because there is a chance she could come home from work today and know. This town is like that. I think her main worry would be about sex and all that but I can't see why she would worry. I've been in college for almost two years now and I've had two boyfriends in that time. She must be pretty naive if she doesn't think I've slept with one, if not both of them. She also must not know me that well if she thinks I will be pressurised into sex etc. with someone as she knows I only just broke it off with someone who was pressurising me. Maybe I'm being worried for nothing.'

spurious

The only possible problem I could see would be if he was in a position like a teacher or youth worker when you met him.
If he was, your relationship will always have an unequal dynamic.

sweet-rasmus

don't worry about the age gap. when i was 19 (recent enough) i was going out with a 25 year old, though i admit he was quite an immature one!

one suggestion re. your mum; would you consider calmly telling her and asking if you could invite him to dinner some evening?! i know it sounds old fashioned, but if you think she would be the type of mother to worry about you, then this may set her mind at ease.

good luck!

LegacyUser

Ok let me share this with you....

I'm 30 I was 28 at the time... my last Girlfriend was 19.... what you think of that age gap....


It doesn't matter if you have a open minded regarding each other worlds and respect them.

Of course after 27 we consider settle down, but if we do enjoy and respect the relationship we have we will not rush things... our Internal clock is not that demanding

Victor

Someone2share, if you were logged in, you would have been infracted for brining up a 2 year old thread.

Locked.