Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

depression

  • 17-01-2007 4:51pm
    #1
    soulcakeduck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    i'd like some help, boards.
    my boyfriend of three years has been really depressed lately. he's always been quite bad, but since starting college, he's been miserable most of the time, and unable to talk to anyone or make friends. i'm very worried about him, and i'm not sure what to do. he's been seeing a college counsellor, but it hasn't helped much at all.
    it's also stressing me out quite a lot, cos i'm used to talking to him pretty much constantly, via text, but he hasn't wanted to talk as much... we only text a few times a day now, cos he's much happier having peace. i'm glad it's making him happy, but i'm worried too. he never tells me what he talked to the counsellor about either...
    is anyone else in this sort of situation, and if so, how do you cope? thank you


Comments

  • #2
    free2fly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    Not to sound rude OP, but what he discusses with his Counsellor is private and confidential, and quite frankly none of your business if he decides not to share with you.

    On the other hand I can understand your concern. Have you tried phoning him instead of texting? Are you too far away to suggest a visit with him? College can be insanely busy. Perhaps he is not replying to your texts because he is just caught up in the work load? Have you discussed your concerns with him?


  • #3
    soulcakeduck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭soulcakeduck


    i know it's none of my business, it's just unusual that he won't tell me something. and i live in the same city as him, so we see each other sometimes, but we usually fight when we're together. which also makes me sad. and when i phone or text him, he just talks for a short while and then asks for more peace. he does have a lot of work, but last year he was doing his leaving cert and he had more time for me...


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I disagree free2fly. She's been with this guy for 3 years, they probably talk about everything. This is a long term relationship, he should be able to share with her.
    OP I was in the same position, my b/f (over 3 years aswell actually) got completely depressed when he went to college cuz he couldn't make friends. I just tried to make him as happy as I possibly could when I was with him, and it made him feel better, but at the end of the day he needs to make friends in college. Tell him to join a club or society, he'll meet people with similar interests.
    You need to do something or this will take it's toll on your relationship, and more importantly, you.


  • #5
    free2fly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    soulcakeduck wrote:
    i know it's none of my business, it's just unusual that he won't tell me something. and i live in the same city as him, so we see each other sometimes, but we usually fight when we're together. which also makes me sad. and when i phone or text him, he just talks for a short while and then asks for more peace. he does have a lot of work, but last year he was doing his leaving cert and he had more time for me...

    I'm sorry OP. That must be very difficult for you. Has he given you any reason why he thinks he needs peace? Are you fighting over petty things?


  • #6
    free2fly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 565 ✭✭✭free2fly


    Unregreg wrote:
    I disagree free2fly. She's been with this guy for 3 years, they probably talk about everything. This is a long term relationship, he should be able to share with her.

    I respectfully disagree Unregreg. It is his perogative not to share if he so chooses. I'm not saying that it is the proper thing to do if they do share everything, just that it is his right.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    soulcakeduck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭soulcakeduck


    we fight over really small things, like me misunderstanding something he says and him getting worried that we're not right for eachother... i read in the irish times a while ago that sometimes people fight if one of them wants more space than they're getting, so i've been trying to give him as much peace as he needs, but it's hard. i didn't expect to not be talking to him at all...
    he's always needed more peace than i like, especially after being together for extended periods of time. like he's catching up. but it's slightly unnerving to have this much.
    it's also quite difficult for him to join societies and things. he's very shy, and quite paranoid, so he always thinks people don't like him, even his friends. i do my best to reassure him, but i'm never sure what to say.


  • #8
    girl25
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18 ✭girl25


    Hi

    I m sorry to hear about ur situation i really am. BUt one consolation is that he is getting counselling and one thing the counsellor wud of told him that things always get worse before they get better so thats prob whats happening with him and he prob doesnt want to worry you any more than u already are. I m going through counselling myself at the mo and at first i wudnt talk to my partner about it at all cos i needed to take it all in myself first. Give him time and he ll prob sit down and speak to you then. My partner wud agree with u thou its hard to sit back and watch and not be able to do anything for the person you care for. So just try hang in there with him and try let him get on t it


  • #9
    Nightwish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,129 ✭✭✭Nightwish


    I was depressed for many years and it was college too, which made it worse for me. I was nothing short of miserable for 3 years of it. As this guys partner, I would urge you to be supportive - listen when he needs to talk, if he cries console him, reassure him of your love and how much you care for him. Thats all you can do. If he wants to share his troubles, don't let your feelings show, if you hear things you may not want to hear or like to hear. All you can do his try be positive for him.


  • #10
    limklad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    Nightwish wrote:
    I was depressed for many years and it was college too, which made it worse for me. I was nothing short of miserable for 3 years of it. As this guys partner, I would urge you to be supportive - listen when he needs to talk, if he cries console him, reassure him of your love and how much you care for him. Thats all you can do. If he wants to share his troubles, don't let your feelings show, if you hear things you may not want to hear or like to hear. All you can do his try be positive for him.
    I second that. also If you love him unconditionally then tell him so. He feels that he is on his own. I used to go through those periods. I felt i could not talk to anyone incase my abusers got wind of it. But each situation is different. Since he is not talking to you. it may be someting you said in the past that has now prevent him from confiding in you or he is too embarrased about it. After all he is a young man with poor self esteem.

    You need to be open and non-judgemental (It important).

    The next time you see him. Gently look into his eyes and then hug him tell him that you love him.
    You also need to be patience, for it will take some time!
    If you loose your cool or become judgement, you have lost his trust and confidence.


Advertisement