Problems with flatmate

Faith

Hey all,

My parents bought me an apartment for the rest of my time in Edinburgh last summer. I needed a flatmate, but all my friends had flats, so I advertised and a girl I didn't know moved in with me. She's the same age as me and generally she's fine. I'm having a few problems with her now though, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Basically, she never paid her rent on time. I always had to ask her for it and then she would take several days to come up with it. Eventually, I insisted she set up a standing order. Next, when bills arrive, I leave them on the counter for her, but she ignores them. I always have to chase after her for her share, which she very unwillingly parts with.

She insisted on recycling, but never emptied the box. As a result, we got mice.

When I returned after Christmas, she came back on the same day. There was no food in the flat, so she suggested we order pizza. When we were finished, I went to throw my boxes in the bin, but she took them, saying she'd take them out for recycling the next day. That was a Sunday night. They were there until Wednesday, but I didn't say anything. A second pizza box was left lying around on Wednesday evening, which she still hasn't disposed of. In fact, she's been adding more trash to the pile, and leaving it strewn around the kitchen floor. Last night, I found the original pizza boxes stashed in the box room of the flat. I stormed in to her and told her that that wasn't acceptable, and she must take all recycling out immediately. She didn't even apologise, just shrugged it off.

This morning, I came into the kitchen to find the pile of rubbish still there. I threw it all into a bag and put it in the bin, fuming all the time.

Secondly, bills arrived over Christmas that I had paid for by direct debit. I left them out for her and even kindly totted them up. She ignored them. Last Friday, I stuck a neon pink post it on them, asking her to pay them asap. She still hasn't. She went shopping yesterday and bought a load of clothes, so I know she has money. I asked her straight out last evening did she have the money for them and she replied "Emmm... no.. .Eh, I'll go get it in a while", which she didn't. She took a nap instead. I'm out of pocket nearly £30 meanwhile.

Finally, she has a cold. The bin in the bathroom is full to the brim with her snot rags. I just went in there and saw three seperate tissues strewn on the floor, not even in the bin.

I'm going insane! I'm not the tidiest person, but this is taking it too far! I've tried asking her to take out the recycling on a regular basis, but she's just throwing it on the floor. Now she's not paying bills. Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to talk to her again? She's violating the terms of her contract, which I'll tell her, but I don't know if she'll even take any notice.

Sorry that was so long...

tbh

Hi Faith -

I'll just give you the advice you'd give me if the situation was reversed.

1. It's your flat - even if you were the most unreasonable person in the world, your rules apply

2. You are not the most unreasonable person in the world.

3. You need to set down some guidelines.

I'd sit her down, and say something along the lines of "Look, I really like living with you, but we need to discuss some things so that we both know where we stand.

a: I can't afford to subsidise your rent. I have a flatmate to help pay for the rent. Unfortunately, if you can't pay on time, I'll have to find someone who can - it's not what I want to do, but I'll have to.

b: Ditto the bills. I'd appreciate it if you could pay the bills within 3 days of getting them. If this is a problem, I'll have to find someone else.

c: I don't want cardboard boxes in the kitchen anymore. I appreciate you wanting to recycle, but please take out the boxes regularly"

Don't apologise for telling (not asking) her this, it's your house and your rules.

BC

Ditto for tbh's recommendations. You need to sit down and have a proper talk with her in a calm but assertive manner.

Does she have a lease? Does it mention anything about timely payment of rent/bills etc? See what she says but if its not sorted out asap i would ask her to leave.

Faith

Cheers for the advice guys. I just said it to her and it did not go well. She reacted like a cornered rat, saying it was basically all my fault that she's messy. She started going on about how I leave food out all the time and she's messy because I am. She refused to take responsibility for ANYTHING. She wouldn't acknowledge that she doesn't take the recycling out, or that it might have anything to do with why we have mice. Eventually, I just had to say that it's my flat, and I can do what I like, and what I say goes. I tried to be really nice, and apologised for times when I left food out too. Still, I get the feeling that there'll be a frosty atmosphere at home from now on.

She didn't react much when I said I always had to chase her for the bills, though. She paid up, so we'll see how it goes in future. When I called her on the tissues all over the floor of the bathroom, she said, "Yeah, but that's because the bin was full!", basically admitting that she threw the tissues on the floor because the bin was full and she was too lazy to empty it.

Ah well, it's done now!

The_Conductor

Faith- don't roll over, while you do need someone to help you with the bills etc, you do not need the grief that you are obviously getting from your flatmate. It is your house first and foremost. Ultimately if you do not get on with her (your flatmate) you should ask her to leave. You appear to be too nice to her altogether......

Faith

To be honest, I don't see her enough for me to be too bothered. The benefits of having her live her outweigh the benefits of kicking her out. I rely entirely on her rent money to live. I'm looking for a job, but I need her right now. Also, I'm a pretty solitary person. When I'm at home, I tend to stay in my room and surf boards, or watch DVDs.

I really don't have a problem with her, per se. She's only here until June, and I'll be at home for the best part of a month around Easter, so it's really only the next 10 weeks or so that I have to deal with her. I am far too nice to her, honestly. I'm generally a very passive person and I hate confrontation, so I usually just let her get on with whatever she's doing. It's easier for me to leave her living here than try to work up the balls to kick her out!

tbh

Faith wrote:

I am far too nice to her, honestly. I'm generally a very passive person and I hate confrontation, so I usually just let her get on with whatever she's doing. It's easier for me to leave her living here than try to work up the balls to kick her out!

see the thing is Faith, she knows that, and she's taking advantage of it. So just remind yourself that you don't owe her anything. Well look, it's out there now, and it's better than you getting madder and madder - the balls have been set rolling, if you like, and the situation is closer now to resolution than it was before you said anything - good or bad. As far as living in that atmosphere goes, in my experience is just to act like nothing has happened. That way, she doesn't get paranoid that it's her you don't like, and she'll accept the fact that it's just that aspect of her behaviour you don't like, and as long as she doesn't do it, everythings good in the 'hood. Constant, gentle nagging also helps.

I know it's a crappy situation, I've been there myself and it's not nice. However, like all things, it'll pass. Just don't waste too much time thinking about it, it's not worth it. All the best, and you lucky girl, Edinburgh is great!

Zambia

Faith i had this and to be honest it came to the piont where i just was all sh*tty with her till she took the hint and left.

I am afraid sometime with renting you just get these idiots.

I was in the same spot, in the end my sanity was more important and i lived on the credit card till I re-rented the room.