big problem!!

yellowbing

Hey,

I'm new to this thing but my friend told me its a really good site!
I've a problem! it looks like my boyfriend is going to move abroad soon to work but I think he is expecting me to go with him but its not as easy for me just to drop everything and move away but I don't want to loose him either??!

any suggestions on what to do? Am I being selfish?

challengemaster

talk with your bf, tell him how you feel about it, get the situation straight. maybe find some sort of compromise? or even, you could have a long distance relationship.. i know of a few people in them. all it needs is a little trust..

LegacyUser

'There is always more to it. How far is he moving? Is he moving forever or just till he gets experience in his chosen career?'

yellowbing

I've never heard of long distance relationships working so I'm just a little worried! I trust him and he can trust me completely but he won't budge he keeps getting little digs in about me being selfish:(

LegacyUser

'Can you give more details?
Do you work? A job you couldn't get back once you return home?
How long is he expecting to go for?
WHERE is he going? If it's not far, Ryan-air can come in very handy!
Long-distance relationships can work, it just requires the will of both people to make it work.
But if you want more advice, you probably should give more details.'

4Xcut

If he's definatily moving away for good you're just going to choose(and by good i also include a long time like 10 years).

You could always try one option and if it doesn't work out then at least you'll be able to have no regrets.

Long term is an option but if his move is permanent then you'll have to choose at some point.

Ruu_Old

Long distance relationships can work (these seem to be coming up alot lately, I feel like repeating the same thing ) but it takes two to make it work, nothing one sided and it can be difficult. I was in a long distance relationship for a while, me in Ireland and herself in the US and we are married nearly 3 years now. It doesn't always end up like that though, I was extremely lucky. If you want the long version of it, do send me a PM as I have done for a few others who wanted the same advice.

How far away is your other half moving? How would he feel about a long distance relationship? Maybe go over and stay with him some of the time if you can to see how it works out, at least then you will know that you tried.

challengemaster

4Xcut wrote:

If he's definatily moving away for good you're just going to choose(and by good i also include a long time like 10 years).

You could always try one option and if it doesn't work out then at least you'll be able to have no regrets.

Long term is an option but if his move is permanent then you'll have to choose at some point.

I assume since the OP said the bf is going abroad for work, it wouldnt be perm. or atleast so i think anyway..

Rb

OP: Since you can't just drop everything and leave, how about letting him go ahead, keeping it long-distance for a while and then moving over there after him? It would be nice to be somewhere completely new afterall, and once you have a few things sorted (a job/somewhere to live etc) it could be a great opportunity for you too.

Black Swan

yellowbing wrote:

I've never heard of long distance relationships working so I'm just a little worried! I trust him and he can trust me completely but he won't budge he keeps getting little digs in about me being selfish:(

Well, I've been in a long distance relationship (8 time zones apart) for 11 months now, so it can work. Also listen to Ruu.

yellowbing

I was in a long distance relationship for a while, me in Ireland and herself in the US and we are married nearly 3 years now.

I suppose your right! its to england and he is not sure if its for good so I'll just have to see if it works out!

Thanks for all the advice guys!:D

Ruu_Old

Not so bad so, you could go over every second weekend or something with the price of flights being cheap enough. Good luck anyway.

Drift

Its cheaper to fly to England than get the train from Galway to Dublin (or even a bus in some cases) and its also not much longer .... regardless of what part of Ireland you're flying there from.

sweet-rasmus

yeah, england is good news. you'll be able to visit and size it all up after he has moved. no point in worryingl live life to the fullest and enjoy it

Lamps

I was a similar situation years ago. My boyfriend finished college and wanted to go to England to work. I didnt want to and he did. So he went!
At first I didnt really think he would go without me, but he did!!!

He came back then two years later (we did break up) but he said it was the best thing he has ever done. He always loved travelling and wanted to go experience the big bad world and I was more home bird and wanted to stay at home. he was never really going to settle down in one place, he wanted to go places and do things all the time. I would of missed my friends to much ( I dont even see most of them anymore!!!!)

He is now living in Austrailia and having a great time(we have kept regular contact) and I am starting to think why didnt I go? my life could of been so much better (but the grass is always greener!!!). Instead im living in the same town as I have done all my life, and nothing against Cobh but I really wish I had of went away and experienced new things with him, working in a boring job with the same friends i have always had.

But then on the other hand are you sure he actually wants you to go with him? Do you see him as "the one"?

I would let him go and give him a couple of months to settle down and then take a step back and have a look and make your decision. Things might change, he might not like it, your situation may change, who knows?

Hope that helps,
Chloe.

LegacyUser

Shure England isn't that far away - thanks to Michael O'Leary.
Just don't buy a packet of peenuts on the flight in case it's more
expensive than the flight !!!