Self-esteem

LegacyUser

Hi all.

I would like some advise on i guess would be my general life-style and confidence, being in that i have neither of both
I'm 23 years old and have nearly completely bald (first major esteem blow)
I've only gone out with 1 girl who hasn't cheated on me. (second major esteem blow)

I work generally and try to keep myself active, but its latly getting extreamly hard to stay concentrated on anything anymore, i've find myself addicted to computer games and no longer have any friends.
My average weekend, evening's, life's/holidays entertainment consists of sitting in my room playing games.
I guess i realise the social aspect of being unable to get hurt again online, if someone does me wrong i can just change my name right? but in turn after all this time i'm left empty and without the confidence to do anything about it.

I've lived this way for now hitting on 4 years, and to be honest i didn't even notice how bad my life had become.

I don't know if i should see someone or something.
I can't exactly talk to my family either as well i don't generally trust them or know them enough to feel secure around.
So many let downs and i'm begining to wonder why i'm still standing.

There are a mass of complexitys to each one of these paragraphs which is more then enough to type, but can anyone well help or offer advise on any of this? atol?

chamlis

I just want to say that I picked up on that "not being able to relate to my family" bit.

I know what that's like. I was only close to my mother when I was a child well into my teens. She died when I was 18, but things worked out after that.

The way I look at it, I lost a mother but gained a family

So just to say that I understand that.

It's a cliche, but you need to find positive things in life. Hard to do when you're stuck looking at the same 4 walls. I've found that going for a long walk (another cliche) does help alot, especially if it's somewhere spectacular, like a long beach or cliff face (just be careful ^_^). You don't have to go foreign to get away for a while.

Cliches for a reason I guess....

Good luck

LegacyUser

Aye well i find a walk can help aswell, but in the end i'm still returning to the same position, that being trapped without the will do anything.

I think my major problem is simply how low i actully feel at this point in myself, i can't even look myself in the mirror without a sense of hate.
I've not hit a stage where i'm in danger yet, but am deteriorating rapidly.
I can't stand the fact ive lost my hair, even after years of trying to accept it.
And well when you don't have a shread of confidence, how do you meet and great?

JustCoz

I know this sounds very cliche but why don't you join a club or something? Or even sign up to do some voluntary work, like with the samaritans? Something like this makes your own problems (anyones problems) Seem alot smaller plus you get the satisfaction of helping other people.

I know a couple of guys your age that are balding and it's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you are the kind of person who can get away with shaving your head then it won't even be noticeable.

tbh

Unreg0000 wrote:

Aye well i find a walk can help aswell, but in the end i'm still returning to the same position, that being trapped without the will do anything.

I think my major problem is simply how low i actully feel at this point in myself, i can't even look myself in the mirror without a sense of hate.
I've not hit a stage where i'm in danger yet, but am deteriorating rapidly.
I can't stand the fact ive lost my hair, even after years of trying to accept it.
And well when you don't have a shread of confidence, how do you meet and great?

Here's what you do. Take some time out, and have a think about the type of person you want to be - visualise yourself being the opposite of the person you are now, and try to figure out what it would take to make you happy. Lots of friends? Girlfriend? Better fitness? Whatever you like.

Take each of these attributes and work out a way that you can get closer to any or all of them. For example, if you want more friends, and you already play computer games, have a look at making friends online. It's not what you want as the end-product, but it's a step in the right direction. The more you talk and interact with people, the more confident you'll become through positive affirmation. Basically, you're in the pits at the mo, but it'll pass. What you need to do is concentrate on the positive aspects ("ok, all my friends are online, but at least I talk to someone every night") instead of the negative.

you sound like a good bloke, all the best.

Lorax

I think you should consider some volunteer charity work. It will get you out of the house and in contact with 'real' people. You will make loads of new friends and it will boost your confidence because its for a good cause.

Miss Fluff

You need to wean yourself of gaming for a while. You're not living a "real" life if your entire existence is based on a virtual reality. You are losing out massively on human interaction and won't meet people by being holed up in your room. Maybe try to get to know your family too, you say you don't feel comfortable around them, that's because they might as well be strangers to you if you are never there.

onemanband

The same thing happened me in my late 20's. There's Fxxx all you can do about it so you should just get your hair done the best way possible to suit your appearance. Ask your barber. Shave your head, whatever suits best.

What seems to be getting you down is your physical appearance. You can do something about this. Hit the gym, lose some pounds, add some muscle. There are loads of women out there who like a fit bod and a bit of baldness rather than a podgy guy with flowing locks.

Comments ladies??

MojoMaker

What has going bald got to do with self-esteem? It has neither a positive or negative effect because it's neither a positive or negative thing - it's just something that happens.

Sounds like you're equating going bald with becoming unattractive and I'm wondering where you get this from? Because seriously dude, you couldn't be further from the truth.

The more pronounced the differences between males and females the more primal the reaction to those very differences by sexually healthy females.

Play the numbers game, you'll win more often than you'll lose, trust me.

Carrigart Exile

Going bald is a sign of a high testosterone level, mate you are a walking man bomb. Do you go on holiday abroad, not just for the drink and women but just for the culture. Hit Greece, see how another people live, see the sights get some sun and yeah, get some beer down your neck and meet some great ladies. Try and give the virtual world a bye for a while (he says typing this on a website) and enjoy life mate.

Uthur

Dude don't sweat the hair loss thing - just shave your head. Some of
the best-looking dudes I know have shaved heads. You will look good
I swear!

Even I looked good when I had my head shaved - and I have a head
shaped like a banana!

spurious

Many women find bald men hugely attractive. I sometimes wonder is it just men think it's not.

OP - have you ever seen the movie 'Swingers' starring Vince Vaughn?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
I know the title makes it sound a bit dodgy but it's not. It's about a group of male friends out on the pull in L.A. - says a huge amount about self-esteem. Worth renting I think.

'You're money'.

jrey1981

I'd second the volunteering thing. I'm sure you have some skills that would be valuable to a charity.

You'll meet other people who tend to be easy going and non-judgemental.