Is it OK to chase dreams when there are Children involved?

Mrs_Doyle

I went to see the Pursuit of Happyness last night. Was a good film, but it got me thinking.
I am all for chasing rainbows, but is it ok to pursue your dreams if you have a child's welfare to consider?

I don't want to spoil the movie for those who haven't seen it yet, but the plot revolves around Christopher Gardner's rags to riches story.

A series of circumstances in the early 1980’s left Gardner homeless in San Francisco and the sole guardian of his toddler son.
Unwilling to give up his son, or his dream of financial independence, Gardner started at the bottom.
Without connections or a college degree, he earned a spot in the Dean Witter Reynolds training program. As most of you will know, Gardner went on to be an incredibly successful business man, but on his journey to the top, himself, and his young son, often spending his nights in various homeless shelter's, and at the gents bathroom at a near by tube station.

Now, it can't be denied that Garner worked damn hard for his success, but I feel that he put his child's welfare at risk in order to do so.

He could have taken a 9-5 doing pretty much anything, and by doing so he could have kept a permanent roof over their heads, and food in their bellies.
He could have pursued his dream once financial stability had been secured.

Instead he took a non paying internship and sourced food and accommodation from the state, and passers by.
He placed his child into what can only be described as undesirable circumstances.

Some will say that the means are justified by the end result.

But what do you think? Is it really OK to chase your dreams when you have people/children depending on you to provide for them.

BlitzKrieg

wikipedia wrote:

Adamantly determined to raise his son, regardless of the circumstances, Gardner fought to gain guardianship of Chris Jr. Meanwhile, with no experience, college education, and virtually no connections, he earned a position in Dean Witter Reynolds’ stock brokerage training program.[1]

As fortunate as Gardner was to have his "big break," the struggle was hardly over. He was barely able to pay rent and living expenses on his $1,000 monthly internship

Its more of a question of the economic climate of america during these times then purely chasing dreams.

seamus

I haven't seen the movie, but it's probably a favourite in the U.S. because of its "American Dream" factor. Americans love stories about people who came from nothing, risked everything they had and came out on top.

They don't however, tell the stories of people who had nothing and never got anywhere. For every Gardner in the U.S., there are thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of people who end up permanently homeless or dead.

It's a massive gamble. A bit like selling your child for a lotto ticket in the belief that you can buy them back again when you win. The interests of the child have to come first.

Of course, I'm not saying that your dreams should go on hold when you have children, or that you should try and earn as much as is humanly possible, even if you hate your job. But you should be providing at least a minimum basic home for your child. The child should go asleep happy and safe, wake up happy and safe, and have food in their stomach.

ScumLord

I didn't see the film (but know the one your on about) or read the OP because I want to watch the film but anyones first priority should be their children (if they have them). Millions of people work jobs they hate to support their children, because it just has to be done. It doen't mean you have to forget your dreams it's just that they have to come second.

connundrum

I really don't think that someone could take the same sort of risk over here, as the state will always be there to catch you when you fall. I do think that young single people who decide to take a business risk ie. pour all of their life savings into a franchise restaurant, are well entitled to do so as they are single, have no responsibility to anyone and therefore can afford to fall flat on their faces.

Where does a risk become silly though? After 2-3 attempts without success? If I had kids, and had laid a good foundation by working for years and years (and had a good amount saved) then I would take a risk on a business. But I would do it once, and if it didn't work out then that'd be it. God loves a trier, but not when you have kids to consider.

Earthhorse

No, I don't think it is. Unless your dream is to chase children. In which case, maybe. I don't know. It's a bit of a nightmare area really.

nobodythere

There's no reason why chasing your dreams has to end up with you being homeless.

MisterAnarchy

I've seen the film ,its quite good.
However its only inspired by a true story as alot of the story is fiction.
He was paid for his internship and his wife looked after the son alot of the time .
I thought that Gardner acted extremely selfishly in the film and to be honest he treated his wife extremely poorly.

Pappa-eat-peach

Your child and his/her welfare should come number one. You are bringing another person into the world that depends on you for survival. Therefore, in my opinion, making sure that the child is safe, warm, clothed and most of all, happy, is paramount.

Dreams can be chased, so long as the child isn't neglected.:)

Flukey

Sometimes chasing the dream is in the longterm benefit of the children, even if it means bringing them through tough times. Whether it is worth it is the thing to weigh up.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Won't someone plase think of.... ah, feck it, the moment's passed.

Seriously, if I was in that position and the child was the same age is the one in the film, I'd ask the kid what he thought. He's got a right to an opinion as it effects him.

Also, this is hollywood: how accurate is the film...?

0ubliette

From the title, I thought this thread was going to be about paedophilia

Black Swan

seamus wrote:

They don't however, tell the stories of people who had nothing and never got anywhere.

Indeed! The States are big on Social Darwinism (Spencer).

Rabies

seamus wrote:

It's a massive gamble. A bit like selling your child for a lotto ticket in the belief that you can buy them back again when you win. The interests of the child have to come first.

That gives me business proposition for the National Lottery

OT:
The child comes first. Of course tighten the belt, do with things. But the welfare of the child should come first always. Allow the child to reach his/her early teens, at least then they would be as dependent on a parent for every little thing.
At that stage, go back to education. Quit your ****ty job and aim higher.

Sleepy

Entirely agree with the OP. Been thinking about kids a lot the last couple of days after seeing my ex's 3 day old baby and have to say I think that once you've got kids, they have to be your only concern.

stovelid

Yes. F*ck em, they'll be happy enough to roll in your money when you are successful

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

Is it really OK to chase your dreams when you have people/children depending on you to provide for them.

Nevyn

You have a duty of care to your children but you have to follow your dreams as well.
Living a grinding misery of a life will impact on the happiness of the family and will reflect negativly on the children.
There has to be a balance.

Sleepy

I think once you can follow your dreams without harming your kids, all's great but they should never suffer for your dreams. That said, I'd imagine most parent's dreams are for their children, no?

Nevyn

They have to have and follow thier own dreams for themselves and while a parent has to do thier best for them and be supportivethey are not going to be living with me for ever and I have dreams of my own to be getting on with
and have to prepare us all for when they are off living thier own lives.
People think children are a lot more of a restriction then they need be.

Sleepy

I dunno, like I said above, I've been thinking about kids a lot lately and I don't think I'd really see them as a 'restriction'. I've probably got an overly-romantic notion of having children though...