lust after guy with gf

LegacyUser

i have a bit of a dilemma, this guy in work i like came onto me at the christmas party, we kissed but i stopped it cause i felt bad cause he has a girlfriend. now the problem is that i do like him in a lustful kinda way, and i know we could have done something that night if i hadn't have stopped it, and now i regret stopping it. don't work directly with him but see him almost everyday breifly, want to suggest we finish what we started, but how? also feel that it's a bad idea since he's got a girlfriend, also want to make sure he doesnt think it can be something more. advice? should i just forget it?

Victor

Sounds like trouble on every front.

admiralofthefleet

it was the xmas party, spirits were high and he was probably drunk, he may not remember it so it is probably best for you to forget that it happened and move on

Black Swan

badgirl wrote:

feel that it's a bad idea since he's got a girlfriend

I think you have answered your own question?

biko

badgirl wrote:

should i just forget it?

Do.
If he breaks up with the gf in the future and you still lust, then...

wingnut

Ménage à trois - and eveyones happy.

Ruu_Old

You have no right to interfere in their relationship, leave them alone and move on.

tbh

yeah, all that, plus the fact that it's just a crush (how could it be anything more, given how little contact you've had with him?) Are you going through a barren spell at the mo? It's like when you're in school, even the frumpiest female teacher becomes a siren when you're bored and surrounded by 32 guys. Don't act on this, because it'll just end in tears.

BobTheBeat

Dont bother. Go and find someone unattached,and lust away.Saves yourself (and his partner) from heartbreak in the end

CathyMoran

Forget about him, he has a girlfriend. Even if you do end up having a relationship it will end up in tears. I was cheated on and the relationship that he had afterwards (I dumped him when I found out about the affair) was over within 6 months (he was running back to me), is it really worth it?

little lady

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago.

You felt bad - it was a bad idea and asking him to finish it is a worse idea. Forget about him, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. Why would you want to be with a guy who is willing to cheat on his girlfriend?? That doesn't really say much about him now does it?

The only two people that will get hurt in this are you and his girlfriend. Forget what happened and forget him, there are much nicer guys out there and they're the ones you should be thinking about and lusting after.

Beruthiel

badgirl wrote:

advice? should i just forget it?

Yes
He has a g/f. Keep out of it.

Trinity

Just have a gander at the other posts on here about the heartache that cheating brings.

Although you will not be cheating on anyone - dont help him or encourage him to break someone elses heart.

spinandscribble

you want this guy for sex. his gf wants a faithful relationship. you have no right to ruin things for her, even if the guy wants to cheat. its a very selfish thing to do, to put your lust before another persons more long lasting happiness. even your name "bad girl"... its like you're proud of being "the other woman".
yes he'll proberly cheat on her and you seem to keen to be the one to help him. move on, find some single bloke to lust for with no strings. at least that way no 3rd innocent party gets hurt

Húrin

badgirl wrote:

i have a bit of a dilemma, this guy in work i like came onto me at the christmas party, we kissed but i stopped it cause i felt bad cause he has a girlfriend.

Having trouble with the idea of monogamy?

Dutchology

Having once been a girlfriend on the receiving end of this situation, OP, you have no idea of the hurt and turmoil even just that kiss can cause.

Basically, get over it and find your own, think of what both of you have done to the girlfriend?! Are you not sickened by guilt? Why would you consider asking for more, knowing that he is in a relationship. If he wants you and not her, he'll come and find you if that relationship should happen to end. Otherwise... Stay out of it.

Many of us will have lusted after someone at some point who was not available. Note: LUSTED and NOT AVAILABLE. It is honestly not worth the heartache caused.

......

jellie

Speaking as gf who's had a nasty little b*tch coming onto her bf when she knows i exist, i would say stay well away.

Now im not calling you names (im reserving them for her), but this whole situation makes me so mad. What gives you the right to interfere in other peoples relationships?

The fact that you stopped it already tells me you know its wrong. Its purely lust, not even emotional, do you want to be responsible for some other girls heartbreak? Although it doesnt say much for the guy involved that he was willing to do that anyway.

Find yourself someone better

randylonghorn

Forget about it - now!

Just think about the possible scenarios:

(1) He has some decency, and just got drunk and silly at the office party, you had the sense at the time to say no ... now, in the cold light of day, you come on to him, he will say no, you feel rejected and maybe he says something to someone at work and you end up with a rep.

(2) He is a nasty piece of work, you rejected him once, now he takes great pleasure in handing you your own medicine ... and probably spreads the word at work.

(3) All his brains are south of his belt (as opposed to the normal percentage!) and it goes ahead. He boasts about it to his mates at work, you get a rep, his girlfriend hears about it ...

Do any of these sound like fun?

Apart altogether from the moral issues re: his girlfriend, etc., which others have (rightly) stressed above, the chances are that YOU are going to end up thrashed if you go ahead.

Just from the practical side, the old axiom "don't sh*t on your own doorstep" applies here.

dame

Should you ask him to finish what you started??? You didn't really start anything did you...you had a drunken snog at a Christmas that he (even if you don't) probably (hopefully) feels ashamed of and wishes he never did because he has a girlfriend. If you're just looking for your own lust to be satisfied, there are plenty of men out there who'd just love a one-night stand. Satisfying your lust is fine as long as you're careful and don't go causing trouble in other people's relationships. Would you like a boyfriend of yours to cheat on you?

Talliesin

If I did something with everyone I'd die of exhaustion.

So you lust after someone. So what? You can't make decisions based purely on that.

Lust + Available + Not a complete asshole you'll regret even talking too later, then sure.

Lust + Unavailable, then maybe think about him during private moments, but that's it.

LegacyUser

'Don't do it. Going up to someone and asking for sex makes you sound like a slut, I am sure you don't want that.'

dr.bollocko

If you want to sleep with the guy, and he wants to sleep with you, thats fair enough. You both know this, but nothing has to happen, as long as another potentially steamy work party encounter isnt around the corner. But if you say something to him, then you will probably end up sleeping together. I mean the guy IS in a relationship, but at the same time, its up to him to stay loyal to his girlfriend, his moral conundrums aren't your problem.

However, your feelings for him are purely sexual and not based on any romantic notion or wish to start a relationship with him. This is the rub, the trigger, the fulcrum of the situation. It would, of course, appeal to him to sleep with you, being in a relationship with a girl for a while, he presumably thinks about other women that way regularly. So if sex occurs, either he shouldn't be in that relationship, is happy cheating with you, and is treating his girlfriend badly or he is a nice guy caught up in the moment and destined to do something that he will regret forever. Either way, the simple fact that it is your sexual urges and not some love for this guy that are motivating you should tell you all you need to know. If its just sex, then think about it, masturbate about it, dream about it, but don't actually do it because its causing a potential world of problems, over something as insignificant as an orgasm, or maybe, two. Your apettites can be sated by others, available others, and just because they aren't around right now doesnt mean that ****ing this guy is the right thing to do.
Just because you know you have the power to sleep with him, and you know that he is unavailable, this forbidden passion can be almost overwhelming, but exercising restraint, not allowing yourself to act on these emotions, and moving on to somewhere that might have a happy ending is the only way to go. And you know that too.

Shinners23

Yes, I am in the exact same boat as yourself I'm afraid and you just have to leave it - It wouldn't be fair on his girlfriend and most importantly wouldn't be fair on you. Foget about it and there are plenty more fish in the sea and maybe sometime down the road his relationship may not last and you can lust after him again but for now - he's out of bounds. I know its hard and you think you regret it now but trust me - you would regret it fair more if something more had happened.