frustration

LegacyUser

so been with my bf for a few mths now and i think hes gettin frustrated that we havent had sex. im still a virgin and have tried to have sex with previous bfs but just couldnt! to be clear, ive been lucky enough to never have been pressured for sex by any guy, its been more both of us wantin it and even myself gettin frustrated! hate this word but, ive never even been fingered it just hurts too much. i get turned on and all grand but no matter how gentle the guy is, and how comfortable i am, we just cant do it! with regards to sex, its not so much the pain, i mean it doesnt even get to the painful stage! when a guy tries to penetrate me, it just wont go in! some ppl have said i should go to the doctor, but it seems like a lot of hassle if my doctor tells me its just nerves or whatever! any advice? thanks for readin!

p.s. im 18 btw

Shauna_K

Hey,

Im not a doctor but there is a medical condition similar to what u are describing, maybe u should talk to a doctor about it......... i realise at 18 that mite be difficult but doctors are well used to all sorts of people with all sorts of probs coming thru the door.

Or maybe ur just not ready????

hunnymonster

You should go to see a doc. At the very least (s)he will be able to put your mind at rest that there is nothing physically wrong. If that's the case, I would suggest a couple of things

Buy yourself a vibrator/dildo and play with yourself in private. Get to know your body, what feels good and what is uncomfortable.

Try to spend some time with your bf where sex is not the goal. You may have become too focused on penetration. There is a whole lot more to intimacy than thrust-thrust...

wexford12

hunnymonster is right relax relax relax take things slow it might be that you need to see a doctor about it but have you not tried to masterbate using your own finger etc how does that go if its still very painfull i would get it checked out or it could be that your hymen is stronger than normal but that would only give pain a little deeper inside not on the opening

LegacyUser

not trying to be smart or anything, but you say you haven't been fingered, have you tried doing this yourself ? is it painful then ?

Anti

There is a condition where the opening to your vagina is smaller then normal. Its not a deformation or anything, just some girls have it when others dont. Try the dildo/vibrator option. Just dont o buying a big black mamba of a thing. Get a small one. Use lube. See if this is infact painfull.

But go to your doctors and get checked out. Or can you talk to a older sister or a friend ?

spinandscribble

you cant really jump from nothing to sex without taking the steps with youir bf fingering you. its painful at the start but if you continue and build up from using only the baby finger, then the index then try two fingers and such you'll gradually open up, you're just really tight.

Talliesin

yeahyeahyeah wrote:

but it seems like a lot of hassle if my doctor tells me its just nerves or whatever!

Why the "just" in "just nerves"?

Of the things that can cause such symptoms a lot are psychosomatic, but they aren't "just" psychosomatic.

Pain is psychosomatic. If you got your arm crushed in a car crash the pain in your arm would be psychosomatic (brain and body working together, that's what psychosomatic means). Would you say it was "just nerves" or would you want some bloody morphine?

See if you can get things going better starting with oral, which if done well is gentler than a finger. Otherwise, go to your doctor.

wexford12

was thinking i used to have a gf that had mch the same prob we both went to the doctor and asked her it turned out that she was to put it in lay mans terms just a bit tight it used to be so sore that she would cry with pain the doc said to use lube lots of and to try diff size vibs small to start i think a lot was in the brain because when she orgasmedmost girls get tight but no prob entering when she did time and lots of D I Y are called for id say best of luck