Thoughts please

Kell

Folks,

as we all know, theres a bunch of people over on PI's on a daily basis moaning about their lack of love lives. Now whether its girls wondering why guys dont chat them up or guys moaning that they dont have the bottle to ask someone out, I am beginning to recognise that a bag load of people have these issues.

What I would like to try and find out is why. Have people always had this lack of confidence and nerve to do something as simple as asking someone out? Is it just that the internet affords people to anonomously spill their confidence issues or is it something else?

Has society somehow moved in a direction where people are terrified about how someone will perceive them if they make a move? Why are people terrified to stick their necks out and take a risk?

Anyone any thoughts?

K-

Sleepy

Maybe it's something to do with parental pressure to succeed in life that has people so afraid of failure?

Beruthiel

You can't put it down to just that Sleepy.
Many factors are involved imo.
Internet, mobiles, msn, may ways of comunicating without having to look a person in the eye. (Back in my day you had no choice by to go to the local hop ) Lack of sockal skills as a result, coupled with no self esteem and confidence and a fear of taking any kind of risk. I'm sure your peers (teens) don't help if you haven't the back bone to stand up for yourself.

I think the older you get the less you care about the fear factor, in fact, you have none anymore. That's only if you make some kind of effort of course.

Dontico

i blame two things.
-loud music in clubs. one cant actually go up to someone and start talking to them.

-since materialism has its grasp over most people, others think to them selces, "am i good enough to tlak to them?" the sad fact is that thier are people that think they are "too good" for some people and dont bother to get to know them.

Red Hand

Beruthiel wrote:

You can't put it down to just that Sleepy.
Many factors are involved imo.
Internet, mobiles, msn, may ways of comunicating without having to look a person in the eye. (Back in my day you had no choice by to go to the local hop ) Lack of sockal skills as a result, coupled with no self esteem and confidence and a fear of taking any kind of risk. I'm sure your peers (teens) don't help if you haven't the back bone to stand up for yourself.

I think the older you get the less you care about the fear factor, in fact, you have none anymore. That's only if you make some kind of effort of course.

I would have to agree here, but hiding behind computors is only a symptom of people's frustration in relation to people issues, merely another expression of it. Some cloud their frustration behind drink, violence, self-abuse...even art.

I guess self-esteem issues have been with us for as long as human history.

humanji

Dontico wrote:

i blame two things.
-loud music in clubs. one cant actually go up to someone and start talking to them.

-since materialism has its grasp over most people, others think to them selces, "am i good enough to tlak to them?" the sad fact is that thier are people that think they are "too good" for some people and dont bother to get to know them.

And on the flip side there's people who feel they aren't good enough for others.

tbh

Beruthiel wrote:

I think the older you get the less you care about the fear factor, in fact, you have none anymore. That's only if you make some kind of effort of course.

that's it exactly, I'd have no problems asking a girl out (well, I would if my g/f found out), but 16 years ago, as a 16-year old, it terrified me. Mostly fear of the unknown, really. I know it's frustrating for ya Kell, but it's a fact of life that people will always have the same problems. It doesn't matter how many times you or I say "just ask them out" the next day, someone else will ask the same question. All we can do is give them the benefit of our collective experience
It's the fear of putting yourself out there - part of the human condition.

simu

Kell wrote:

What I would like to try and find out is why. Have people always had this lack of confidence and nerve to do something as simple as asking someone out? Is it just that the internet affords people to anonomously spill their confidence issues or is it something else?

I think people have always been nervous about such things but the internet allows people to express their tiniest niggles to a wide audience and start off huge long discussions. The diaries people (me!) used to write their angsty teenage thoughts in the old days didn't reply!

Dave!

Is this a new thing? I mean, before the dawn of texting and the internet, were blokes walking up to women and asking them out without feeling nervous about it...?

It's totally natural; probably the fear of rejection, looking stupid, etc., is what stops alot of people.