Girl between me and a friend?

Skiesonfire19

My friend of years has been dating a girl for a little over a month, and since being with this girl he has barely spoken to his friends. He has basically given her all his time but he thinks that it's ok because he thinks we understand, his best friend from primary school has severed all contacts with him and he hasn't even noticed!

Should I confront him and tell him to loose her, or loose us? He wouldn't even spend his birthday with us, but with her and he wont come out for my birthday because of her. We've been friends before all this crap. Even his job is suffering because of this.

There's also more to this, his girlfriend always badmouths him to me and L, should I tell him that? And how I feel?

I can comment on others problems.. But cant solve my own.

Skies

kmick

say nothing - keep out of it - its his problem - if you say anything you will lose hime as a friend - just be there when it goes titsup

Skiesonfire19

I wont be there for him when it's over, he can bleed on his own. He's gotta learn. All I needed was a second opinion thanks, i'll keep ot of it.

Skies

humanji

Maybe you should find a kind of happy medium. Don't tell him it's either you or her. Just let him know that that he's losing his friends by ignoring them. There's no reason he can't spend time bit both of you.

Poppy84

Its a fact of life that we loose friends as we grow up. I was in your situation except i knew my bestfriends guy was cheating on her when i told her she chose him, we were friends since primary school, we havent spoke in years.

So stay out of it if you dont want to loose a friend and be there to help him get over it

Its just the way life goes the saying boyfriends/ girlfriends come and go but friends last forever pure fantasy!!!!!

Marksie

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

I wont be there for him when it's over, he can bleed on his own. He's gotta learn.

Friendship has no expectations or pre-conditions, and friends should be there regardless.
While he has to find out things on his own don't you think it it is unfair to act like that?

4Xcut

why can he not spend time with you and her at the same time. I'm not saying that its a proper lads thing but you'll still be mates tho.

walrusgumble

he is only doing it because he genuinely taught ye would understand.I am sure ye do and i sympathise with you on your birthday coming up, that is taking the P(ss. at least appear to be there for him when she decides she has enough of him, by sounds she has him wrapped around his finger. as much as i loved my ex's, spending almost 24 hours a day with them, and them with me does not go down well later on. he has to make his own mistakes, and when he comes back to ye, he will realise and might even say, what the f**k was i playing at, ... realising he nearly lost ye as mates.

what kind of things is she bad mouthing him for? maybe you could gently remind her that you are his mate so talking like that to you is out of order. (1. you dont want to know. 2 at least you are standing up for him)

Black Swan

Concur with others. Don't step into it. But if you are indeed a friend, you will be there for your friend when things go bust.

miles teg

Have the cahones to say something to your friend!
A proper friend should be able to say what he thinks is best for someone, even if it's not in his own interest. You're friend is neglecting everyone for one person and losing friends as a result. You don't have to go on a rampage with him, just have a quite word and make him aware it's having an impact on everyone. He may well not appreciate it now, but he'll see sense eventually.
Would you want your friends to say anything if it was you?

Kell

marksuttonie wrote:

Friendship has no expectations or pre-conditions, and friends should be there regardless.
While he has to find out things on his own don't you think it it is unfair to act like that?

God damn, you just beat me to it. We think too alike, though you put things nicer.

OP- when you are annoyed at friends for not being in contact, think to yourself "do I enjoy their company when I see them?" The answer is most likely yes. So what the fúck are you worried about. I used to wander around bawling if I hadnt heard from mates in a few weeks. Now I dont give a fúck. Believe me, this sort of shít isnt worth worrying about.

If he comes crawling when things go títs up, accept him with open arms as you would hope he would do if you were in his shoes.

IF on the other hand, he is bad mouthing your mate to you guys, tell him. Thats what mates do.

K-

Beruthiel

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

Should I confront him and tell him to loose her, or loose us?

I know what I'd say to that if anyone was silly enough to go there.

He wouldn't even spend his birthday with us

I'm guessing from this comment that you are still young, it's more than a bit childish in fairness. It's his birthday, surely he can spend it how he wishes?
Now you can be put out that he didn't turn up to yours, but in the grander scheme of things it's not the end of the world.
There have been times when I haven't heard from someone in six months, I'm busy, they're busy, but as I like the people I call 'friend' I'm always thrilled to hear from them and to meet up and exchange a pleasant few hours.
I'm there if they need me, they are there if I need them, there are no need for rules and 'he didn't come to my birthday, so I'm never talking to him again' type behaviour is just a bit silly isn't it?
Why not just leave him be and get on with whatever you're doing, he'll be back later when he misses you.

Chinafoot

He's only been with her a month for god's sake! He's probably just smitten at the moment and still in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.

It's seems completely unreasonable to be cutting off contact with him because he's been spending a lot of time over the past month with his girlfriend. As was said, he can spend his birthday exactly as he wishes. Perhaps in the past you all celebrated your birthdays together but you'll soon realise that as you guys get older things are going to change.

Groups of friends will expand and girlfriends will be on the scene. You can't expect your mate to drop his fledgling relationship because you and your other mates want to keep the same group dynamic that you've had since primary school.

Asking him to choose between his girlfriend and his mates is completely unfair! Usually the person giving that ultimatum is the one that shouldnt be picked. Your opinion of his girlfriend is just that, an opinion. Chances are you havent really gotten to know her very well and in fairness, your dislike is more than likely coming from the fact that you feel she's taking your friend away. It's his relationship and his business. If you want to keep his friendship then make the effort to get to know her.

If this is really bothering you then call him up and say that your birthday is coming up and you'd really like for him to be there. Chances are he doesn't realise how annoyed you all are.

Alternatively find yourself a girlfriend and maybe then you'll be a bit more understanding to the situation.

LegacyUser

'from your posts i'm guessing you're still in your teens.

I'm having a similar situation except i'm a bit older. one of my bf's is going out with her bf for about 2 years - she's lost contact with a lot of people. in the last year bar christmas they have not spent a weekend night apart. i've seen him all of about 4 times in the last year. i havent had a weekend night out with her in months except christmas.i'd usually meet her during the week.

there's a group of us planning a holiday in april she won't come as she doesnt want to be seperated from him for that long - its actually quite pathetic, as she's in her mid-late twenties and not a lovesick 15yr old.

for my birthday a few weeks ago she came out till 11 and then he collected her!!!

her parents are concerned that she's cutting all ties and have started asking me how often i see her lately.

to be honest i'm severly peeved at the whole situation and when it all goes to hell i'm not sure how many of her alleged friends will be around to pick up the pieces......sorry for the rant, just wanted to say i totally understand!'

Alter-Ego

It happens. Been in the same situation and kinda still am!! The relationship is still fresh so the novelty might wear off and your friend will start spending more time with with yous again.

The only thing that you can do is make sure he knows that you're there for him and show that you're not the one causing the issue. When everything goes pear shaped you'll be there to pick up the pieces.

Skiesonfire19

She was going on a big rant saying she was gunna dump him and all this, that's the stuff she was saying (When he wasnt around that is).

Even if I was there for him, what can I do? I can't fight his battles for him.
Is listening to him really enough?

Skies

BobTheBeat

I would genuinely say 'yes', it is enough. If you make shapes to try and 'save' him from the (unseen as far as he's concerned) drama that is unfolding, he may misconstrue it for something different,like you and your friends being jealous or something.

He is within, what is affectionately know as, 'the bubble' - Often Impervious to sense and outside interference.

You should take a different approach with his gf. Just ask her to not bad mouth him in front of you and your friend, citing unfairness and the fact that he is your friend as reasons. Let him see sense in his own time.