scared of what she'll think

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this girl now for about 2 months and we've slept in the same bed just after a few weeks of seeing each other. I felt it was too soon for anything to happen but she tried to bring it one step furthur.

However she's slept with a few guys already and I'm still a virgin. I'm kind of worried what she'll think when it comes to that time when we do have sex, what will she tink of me if I tell her im still a virgin..

any advice on this ? thanks

Talliesin

We can't read her mind.

However, chances are that if you say you're a virgin she'll think this a good thing or at least not a bad thing, but if you don't she'll not realise how inexperienced you are and judge you unfairly.

Hence, I think you should tell her you're a virgin.

free2fly

Why are you sleeping in the same bed if you're not ready to take it a step further? Don't you think that is leading her on a bit? IMO you should tell her you are a virgin and let her help to guide you. If she gives you grief about it then she isn't worth being your first quite frankly. Find someone who will want to make it special for you.

dr.bollocko

You're sleeping in the same bed as a girl that you really fancy.
What in the hell is the problem here?
Let things develop organically, dont lie to her about your experience and for Gods sake why worry about something that you should be delighted about?
Seriously... Could you further over assess a situation?

Talliesin

Sharing beds is nice. You do have to both know what the score is though.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

We can't read her mind.

However, chances are that if you say you're a virgin she'll think this a good thing or at least not a bad thing, but if you don't she'll not realise how inexperienced you are and judge you unfairly.

Hence, I think you should tell her you're a virgin.

ok thanks!

as for free2fly and dr.bollocko , i had only known her a few weeks and we were friends and I didnt want to ruin anything, and she just wanted someone to talk to that night! so sorry for trying to be a respectful person!

Talliesin

blacklight wrote:

as for free2fly and dr.bollocko , i had only known her a few weeks and we were friends and I didnt want to ruin anything, and she just wanted someone to talk to that night! so sorry for trying to be a respectful person!

Unless you were used to sharing beds as friends prior to dating or it was clear from the get go I think it would have been more respectful to make those things clear.

As I said above, sharing beds is nice, but you do have to be clear about things.

hunnymonster

I'm female and to be honest if I was sharing a bed with someone and I tried to initiate something but got rejected I would be a bit hurt. I'm just being honest here. If (s)he explained to me that (s)he was new at this and wanted to take it slowly or was a bit unsure of him/herself I would be more than happy to go with either their timetable or to teach them whatever I know.

Don't leave the poor woman in the dark. Remember we're an insecure bunch too and she is possibly wondering why you don't fancy her enough

daiixi

I don't understand why there's such a lack of communication between people?
Tell her your a virgin - don't make a big deal out of it but mention it sometime. If she freaks then you're better off without her. If she waits until you're ready and then teaches you exactly how to get her off? Then she's a keeper!

LegacyUser

we talked about it afterwards and i told her i dont want to rush anything and that I do like her , now she does know the truth cause we both feel strong about each other so we talked about it again and I just said I did like her back then but I wanted to move slowly.. so she understood that.. but the topic of sleeping togethor hasnt come up again so I'm wondering is she scared off again ? when I say sleeping togethor I mean sex, but she has asked me to come over some night again cause she said she enjoyed the company alot without any 'strings attached' so to speak.. ie. no pressure..

thanks for the input hunnymonster, good to get a womans point of view, I hope I havnt hurt her, I honestly didnt mean to.. and she knows how I feel about her now..

free2fly

blacklight wrote:

ok thanks!

as for free2fly and dr.bollocko , i had only known her a few weeks and we were friends and I didnt want to ruin anything, and she just wanted someone to talk to that night! so sorry for trying to be a respectful person!

Well,to be fair you didn't explain that in your post OP. That is a completely different situation.

LegacyUser

'ok.. i'll forgive u.. my bad '

LegacyUser

'

free2fly wrote:

Why are you sleeping in the same bed if you're not ready to take it a step further? Don't you think that is leading her on a bit?

I used to sleep in my now boyfriends bed while we were still friends because we were into each other and it was nice to cuddle, we hadn't even kissed at that stage.

He was a virgin at the time, had been in a long term relationship but she was underage so never had sex with her. He led me to believe he had, so I was shocked when he finally admitted it. He was emotional and scared of telling me cos he thought I seemed more experienced than I was. I didn't believe him at first, but in the back of my mind I did have a inkling he was keeping something from me.

I was very relieved and happy when he told me.
I would say "I wish you were a virgin" and mean it, it meant I could have something special with him that wasn't shared before with a previous love. Also made it less stressful for me with experience levels etc.'

dr.bollocko

I dont buy this "trying to be a respectful person" stuff either. Particularly if she was willing and initiated a sexual situation, surely having the sex would have been respecting her wishes rather than rejecting her and hiding the truth from her. Perhaps fear of the unknown / worry about your performance was more of a motivational factor in you being uncomfortable with this situation than being respectful. Its ok to be worried about stuff like this, being a virgin, but you know, sex between you and someone you like is supposed to be great, and even if you get off to a bumpy start, honesty about your sexual needs and how to please each other is the only way to go.
Sorry if you thought I was being harsh earlier, its just that I feel you are making a problem out of an opportunity to experience something new and wonderful, and the worry you are exhibitting, in the grand scheme of life, this problem will seem almost silly to you soon.

Talliesin

dr.bollocko wrote:

I dont buy this "trying to be a respectful person" stuff either.

"Don't buy" as in don't believe that was his motive?
I believe him, though I do think his thoughts were arseways.

I don't get why virgins pretend to be more experienced than they are (whether by lying or just omission). If you're a virgin you probably won't be great your first time, but you'll learn if you apply yourself (it's a fun thing to apply yourself to). If you've led her to believe you've had 50 lovers before her she's going to think "50 lovers and that's the best he can do? I'm out of here".

dr.bollocko

Im not saying the guy isnt a respectful person, or trying to dis the guy. But he stated that the girl tried to initiate sex, and he shied away from it right? So that wouldn't be respectful would it? In fact, as pointed out by other posters, this would likely upset the poor girl.
Following from this, It would mean that he was uncomfortable with the situation, which indicates that his problem is with himself, and not that he felt he was being disrespectful to the girl. Because he is a virgin, I am merely guessing that the issue is his worry over lack of experience or his worry that it was too soon would be more at the root of the problem than what he claims to be the case... being respectful.

Talliesin

Yes, but he could well have told himself he was being respectful that way and honestly believe it.

dr.bollocko

I know but whether or not he wants to tell himself pretty lies I still reserve the right to also give my theory, and then maybe the OP will have a more balanced view of the situation.

sweet-rasmus

important: don't feel rushed into having sex!

do let her know, when you are alone together, that you are a virgin and it will certainly clear things up for her. nothing to be embarassed about! comunication is the key

OliviaM

blacklight wrote:

I've been seeing this girl now for about 2 months and we've slept in the same bed just after a few weeks of seeing each other. I felt it was too soon for anything to happen but she tried to bring it one step furthur.

However she's slept with a few guys already and I'm still a virgin. I'm kind of worried what she'll think when it comes to that time when we do have sex, what will she tink of me if I tell her im still a virgin..

any advice on this ? thanks

Just do enjoy it. Never mind what she thinks.

LegacyUser

'I told my gf a few weeks after we started going out that I was a virgin, well she kind of forced it out of me when she thought I had some sort of dark secret (seemed a dark secret to me at the time) and actually had alot more respect for me knowing that I wouldnt try get into bed with her straight away.

I'd say tell her, it will make you seem more honest and it will make that first time all the more special'