Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

I'm new here, (poem)

Options
  • 08-01-2007 10:37pm
    #1
    Xios
    Registered Users Posts: 2,073 ✭✭✭


    Down I spiral, deeper and deeper.
    Under my blanket next to the heater.
    Thinking so hard, about my story
    Will I die, or bathe in glory.

    Down I spiral, darker and darker.
    I only awake to my timely marker.
    Waiting for a breakthrough, wasting my time,
    Looking for a job, still waiting in line.

    Down I spiral, colder and colder.
    Taking my photo's till I get older.
    Glacial crops and hedgey rocks,
    Snapping away till everything stops.
    ----
    Ciaran Dowling

    Was just trying out a rhyme pattern, aabb aacc aadd.
    What do you all think?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Dylan_James
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭Dylan_James


    Good stuff Ciaran, but if i was a poet i would concern myself with rhyming patterns or stanza lenght. Go for originality everytime.

    The imagary used in the last stanza is particulary poignant, the image of the poet casting himself off cliffs in his last deparate struggle for a perfect photo appears to me.


  • Options
    #3
    Xios
    Registered Users Posts: 2,073 ✭✭✭Xios


    Dylan_James wrote:
    Good stuff Ciaran, but if i was a poet i would concern myself with rhyming patterns or stanza lenght. Go for originality everytime.

    The imagary used in the last stanza is particulary poignant, the image of the poet casting himself off cliffs in his last deparate struggle for a perfect photo appears to me.

    Thanks for the feedback, kinda strange the way you saw that, my image was that of traveling and taking pictures alone in remote places till the end.


Advertisement