Do Modern Romantic Fairytails Last

nyskjerrig

I've been very lucky to experiece a real romantic fairytail - exhilarating, magical (yes, magical), intense, zesty. I was longing for it for so long and yes, it did come after a very long time. Unexpected and wonderful.
But then, time and so called circumstances have started transforming it into a kind of awkword and may be bitter state of affairs leaving me helpless in the face of that transformation. i am dreading that it's going to whitlle away at the power of realities. Goodbye magic, goodbye intensity, goodbye zest... Perhaps i've somehow contributed into its demise, but i find it difficult to see where it's all begun.
Should i retreat back into routine and numb my mind till it reaches the state of complete indifference, where one day is like the other, one month like the other, one year - like the other... And there goes your life, plain and tastless.
DO MODERN ROMANTIC FAIRYTAILS LAST? Age old question. But may be there is some fresh outlook on it out there.

Dec McC

eh no- i think!

oceansize

The answer as i see it? No.

People just plain dont like eachother! They have insticnts that make them want eachother. But then another instinct makes them want others also.

I've had relationships that started and i couldn't believe my luck, only to realise that there is always problems that lead to the end.

Only when you're older and your basic sexual instincts start whitling away do people become less prone to wanting something "better".

It's probably not true but from what i can tell it's true.

dr.bollocko

Thats why the fairytales only ever end when the people get together for the first time with a deriding "And they lived happily ever after." Sometimes, no matter how great the other person is, the whole thing just sucks for a while. But generally, it gets better again at some point.

Talliesin

"And then she woke up."

You weren't having a romantic fairytale. It was happening in the real world. Let go of the "fairytale" idea and look at what is really happening. It might actually be quite good.

free2fly

All relationships evolve. Sometimes they become deeper and stronger. Sometimes they don't. The only way to make a relationship last is to work together to make it last. The "Fairytale Romance" will fade in time, but if your feelings are deep enough for this person you will find a way to resolve your problems. If your feelings are not that deep, then the relationship will end. It is up to you what you decide to do.

LegacyUser

I don't understand d questshun !!! ???

CathyMoran

Yes, romantic fairytales exist, but you have to work on them. I am far happier with my husband now than when we first met over 10 years ago, as long as you put effort into a relationship that wonderful feeling should last (I should explain that I am a newly wed).

ChRoMe

Sounds like the honeymoon era of your new relationship is coming to a end. Dont worry it happens with every realtionship it doesnt mean that its getting worse its just changing/evolving.

Welcome to the land of comfortable silences its not bad its just different!

dudara

There are no such things as fairytales, and to expect a relationship to be one is unrealistic. What you can have is a fantastic relationship which is kept that way through hard work.

Talliesin

CathyMoran wrote:

Yes, romantic fairytales exist, but you have to work on them.

That's not a fairytale then.

Still, I'd prefer something with meat to it than a confection of spun sugar that offers no sustenance and crashes to pieces at the merest touch.

Black Swan

Yes! One started last St Valentine's Day.

nyskjerrig

thank you all, interesting streamlined consistent feedback. People in story are mature enough, pass the college, career building drive, mortgage hunting headaches and all that.
Coomment on 'Working' on 'relationships' above: 'working' spells problems. 'Working' often means forcing your point of view on the other or being forced into other's point of view and trying to live with that - surrender to something you don't believe but willing to put up with it (reasons are countless)
'Working on relationship' has nothing to do with understanding, it's militant in nature. It could be good if it's done for a greater good - love, but often it is done in fear of being lonely, hassle of dividing the house and all that material crap people consider a solid happy relationship. Socially blessed and accepted.
I am talking about genuine union of soules, Shangri-La if you like. Above artifical reasonings. Natural and happy...

CathyMoran

When I mean working on the relationship, all that I mean there is remembering that your partner is special, hardly a lot of work!

Mighty_Mouse

Is it possible to have any more adjectives in a post?

nyskjerrig

Feels that people merged business and private lives and utilise board rooms vocabulary for all. Dominant trend nowdays. Drive for efficiency in everything, aiming for sucess, project managing love affairs and households Do many actually know their significant halfs beyond favourite items on restaurant menus, GAA teams support and beer brand? Or is it as far as the 'work' goes?

Beruthiel

Fairytales are for children. A rose tinted view of the world and the people in it will only end in tears.

nyskjerrig wrote:

'working' spells problems.

No it doesn't. It means an adult view to how the world is. You come across as someone who just expects things to be magical all on their very own. The first 3 to 6 months of any relationship is always exciting, new and intense. Nobody can keep that kind of intensity up and as you each slowly relax and get to know each other a deeper relationship occurs, it does not have the same intensity but it has something I will always prefer, it's real.

'Working' often means forcing your point of view on the other or being forced into other's point of view and trying to live with that

No
Working is coming to a decision which suits you both.

surrender to something you don't believe but willing to put up with it

That all depends on how much the relationship means to you in the first place.

but often it is done in fear of being lonely, hassle of dividing the house and all that material crap people consider a solid happy relationship.

Your way of thinking is borked. It's done in order to keep a relationship alive with the person you care about most in the world. Until you get that into your head then you will find keeping a long term relationship difficult.

I am talking about genuine union of soules, Shangri-La if you like. Above artifical reasonings. Natural and happy...

There you go with the fairy tales again. I blame Hollywood.

Marksie

nyskjerrig wrote:

thank you all, interesting streamlined consistent feedback. People in story are mature enough, pass the college, career building drive, mortgage hunting headaches and all that.
Coomment on 'Working' on 'relationships' above: 'working' spells problems. 'Working' often means forcing your point of view on the other or being forced into other's point of view and trying to live with that - surrender to something you don't believe but willing to put up with it (reasons are countless)
'Working on relationship' has nothing to do with understanding, it's militant in nature. It could be good if it's done for a greater good - love, but often it is done in fear of being lonely, hassle of dividing the house and all that material crap people consider a solid happy relationship. Socially blessed and accepted.
I am talking about genuine union of soules, Shangri-La if you like. Above artifical reasonings. Natural and happy...

Working on relationships means nothing of the sort. A connection is eminently maintainable within the framework of "working" on relationships.
But the first aspect of "work" is not your partner, but knowing yourself. Only then can you begin to work on the relationship with another (btw this goes for the other as well). As the initial flush of a realtionship dies away, it can be replaced by a whole series of different emotions and feelings. It is how you handle those yourself that will determine whether the relationship deepens or moves towards indifference.

It is not a matter of forcing anything on a partner, but expressing how issues make you feel not how you claim your partner makes you feel.

Talking about your own feelings, hopes and fears to your partner openly and honestly.

Listening to your partner, without judgement or interupption or getting upset.
these are all forms of working on relationships.

Surrendering? Militant? is it a war situation? Is surrendering aspects of yourself to your partner such a bad thing... allwoing them to know your vulnerabilities and fears.. your worries and concerns? In opening like that you lead the way for openness in return.

You are expressing doubts and concerns in your posts, examine the reasons for these within yourself first, see if they can be rationalised... then ask your partner to do the same.

Then talk to each other about it. You may find you both have similar doubts and fears, and that they are not so different from anyone elses.

NextSteps

nyskjerrig wrote:

Feels that people merged business and private lives and utilise board rooms vocabulary for all. Dominant trend nowdays. Drive for efficiency in everything, aiming for sucess, project managing love affairs and households Do many actually know their significant halfs beyond favourite items on restaurant menus, GAA teams support and beer brand? Or is it as far as the 'work' goes?

The term 'work' is being misused here. 'Work' is not something tedious that stops at 5pm as you step out of the boardroom. Everything in life need work - you work at learning, you work at being a better person, you work in your garden or you work at being a good friend. And you certainly work at holding onto a good relationship. Work is no bad thing and it needn't mean unpleasantness. It just means making an effort and striving for what you want. Things don't just happen TO you, that's the stuff of fairytales and Hollywood.

Surely a good relationship deserves an effort?

nyskjerrig

Thank you all for disection and feedback. It's all in: adults not allowed to have fairytails as mental retreats, but supposed to believe in hell and heaven (does this not qualify for a fairytail? - it's quite popular throughout the world and never been frawned upon or attributed to Hollywood influence ).
Also interesting to see the associations in work:'fairytail' - unreal, for children and not an epithomy of imagination, beauty, carriage to inspire. NO, IT'S a STORY FOR CHILDREN. FULL STOP.
Great to have a snapshot of people's opinions - i do thank you all very much for your sincerety and time. Great crowd.

Nevyn

I don't blame hollywood I blame the storys we read to children.
Seriously the way cinderella and snowwhite and all the other tirte tales are told
gives a very skewed idea of how the world should be.

My daughter got a musicbox for christmas and while it is nice and all the idea of her singing along with snow white to 'some day my prince will come ' makes me wince.

To have a life and not just an exsistance takes work, to share that life with another person and to work for your dreams, thier dreams and your dreams together for yourselves and any children you have is hard going.

Just because you find your prince or princess does not mean you will get a happy ever after.

Yes relationships can be romantic and wonderful put you have to make those momments happen for you and for the other person.

Beruthiel

nyskjerrig wrote:

Thank you all for disection and feedback. It's all in: adults not allowed to have fairytails as mental retreats, but supposed to believe in hell and heaven (does this not qualify for a fairytail?

For me it does, but that's another thead in the Atheist forum.

Also interesting to see the associations in work:'fairytail' - unreal, for children and not an epithomy of imagination, beauty, carriage to inspire. NO, IT'S a STORY FOR CHILDREN. FULL STOP.

I see nothing wrong with getting on a plane and having a fairytale weekend in Paris or Rome. The work required in that is obvious, tickets, hotel, time off etc...
A cooked dinner by candle light, whatever floats your boat.
See what we mean by work to keep the relationship alive?

dvega

Dont think they last,happiness is the basis of a good relationship and you have to work on the that it doesnt just fall from the sky.

Reality is bound to bite you in the ass sooner or later!

Marksie

nyskjerrig wrote:

Thank you all for disection and feedback. It's all in: adults not allowed to have fairytails as mental retreats, but supposed to believe in hell and heaven (does this not qualify for a fairytail? - it's quite popular throughout the world and never been frawned upon or attributed to Hollywood influence ).

I can damn well reach heaven with a partner when making love, but it ain't a fairytale mental retreat, its a conscious state of being. But to reach there we had to work at mutual understanding and trust first. Both of ourselves and then each other.

Neither is it constant, unless you want to say its in a constant state of flux.

To think that the work involved is not worth it, you get out what you put in.

NextSteps

Looking after your BF/GF if they're sick or sad or if something bad's happened isn't romantic or fairytale (try rubbing someone's back when they're puking if you don't believe me), but if you're not prepared to do it then the relationship isn't worth much. And if they're not prepared to do it, all the easy romance in the world won't make it better.

Nevyn

Well you will have a fairytale relationship if you but the same ammount of effort into maintaining it as you did in pursuit of your prince or princess.

Talliesin

marksuttonie wrote:

To think that the work involved is not worth it, you get out what you put in.

Well no, not necessarily what you put in.

In a good relationship you both get more back. In an dysfunctional relationship at least one is getting little or nothing back for a lot of work or mental effort.