annoying ex

LegacyUser

i broke it off recently with my boyfriend of about a year and he's not letting go. i dont expect it to happen straight away but i mean he just wont leave me alone - wanting to meet up with me, etc. he wants us to be friends but i feel its too early. and he's insistent.

has this hapened to any of you and what should i do?

Ruu_Old

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind if he won't listen. If he wants to be friends then make it crystal clear that you need some space and time alone for a while. "Look I need a bit of space and you're crowding me, I won't be replying to your calls/emails/texts/whatever else, just back off".

PrincessFiona

Don't be too hard on him, he probably is finding this a lot harder than you and is going through a rough patch. Just make it perfectly clear that the relationship is over, and try and remain friends, but tell him you need time. In time ye both will move on...

greenteaicedtea

When I break up with someone, I cut off all contact most times, unless we were good friends before we had a relationship.

Sometimes, as long as we're still talking, the guy gets a false hope that we are going to get back together, and I don't want to foster that hope. I mean, you can say "it's over" but if you're still spending time with the person, well I think actions speak louder than words.

RealJohn

Don't be too hard on him but do be very clear. You'll both be better off if you don't have any contact (other than the inevitible chance meetings in the street or whatever).

I had a lot of trouble moving on from my ex as we'd agreed to stay friends and it wasn't until she told me she didn't want us to be friends anymore and that she didn't really want to have any contact with me that I actually started to move on.

It'll probably hurt him initially but you'll both be better off in the long run.

LegacyUser

'I got dumped and I was friends with the guy for ages (years) before we ever went out (for a few months). After the break up, I felt we could be friends immediately. But he didn't... needed 'space' (even though he was the one who initiated the breakup), so he then treated me like crap. Now we don't even talk. If you're the one who did the 'dumping'... why can't you be just friends with the guy?
When my ex wouldn't meet up with me etc just as friends, it made me feel a MILLION times worse.'

Black Swan

Be honest with them. You want to stay friends, but only friends, and for now you need a little time to yourself to make the adjustment.

Busterpuss

i broke up with my ex 3 years ago, and up until christmas day he was still contacting me where upon i changed my mobile no. It annoyed me no end that i had to do this.. the first year yes we did keep in contact but after that i felt there was no point to it as it wasnt achieving anything i had a new partner and to my knowledge so did he, but he just wouldnt let go, May of 2006 was the last time i texted him and in no uncertain terms i told him to F**K off and this still didnt work as he continued to contact me.

Your ex is probably different and i cant speak for you, but that is my experience which led me to having to change my number, i still feel that he could probably contact my house number and this bothers me. I would tell him how you feel and if he doesnt respect your wishes well then he clearly cares more about how he feels and not you.

py2006

Although its probably good in the long run to cease contact, its a very hurtful experience for the dumpee (for the want of a better word).

When a person is dumped by somebody they really care for and that person doesn't want to hear/see from them again all sorts of things go through that persons head.

Something similar happened to me years ago and it made me feel like I was just being used by the girl, that the relationship actually meant nothing to her, that she had no feelings for me in the first place and I felt like a total fool.

It made the whole grieving process so much worse! It makes you very angry towards that person.

Elphaba

I've been on both sides of this story. When I got dumped I'd been so used to having this person in my life every day I couldnt think how to get on with things without him cos it was totally out of the blue for me. It made me v angry with him and it seemed like he didnt care but in retrospect he just needed time away and to sort his own head out.

I realised that a while after and even more so when I had the experience of being the dumper in another relationship. This guy would ring me and give me load of abuse down the phone because I hadnt answered a txt and then 10 minutes later he'd be texting saying how sorry he is. It sounds mean but all I wanted was for him to leave me alone and not text or ring or contact me at all. That's probably how the guy felt when he dumped me but it's just hard to see it at the time. Definitely made me stronger anyway so dont be afraid to be cruel to be kind. It seems liek the only way to deal with this kind of situation

LegacyUser

'hey thanks for the replies. i was the dumper and we did kinda end on friendly terms and all that but he dragged a friend of mine in2 it trying to check up on me and get back with me so i told him to back off. then he was saying we're best friends and i have to tell him everything and now im like ahhh leave me alone but i dont want to be nasty. like i do want to be friends some day but its just too early for that. still getting over things you know so its too soon and weird to be jumping back into being close. but obviously he feels differently.....'