Trauma of Parental separation

Filan

My parents are going through a very acrimonous separation. Every inch being fought over, bills not being paid, father refusing to co-operate with solicitor...new woman etc, Mum is 65. I live alone with her. In short she is constantly down, cries most days and is there is a horrible air of constant negativity and depression in the house, at least that's what I feel. I had always considered myself a very patient, very caring person, who has been involved with a depression/anxiety support group before....so I have plenty of experience of people who are down. The problem is that I never had to live with them, even a counsellor does not live with his/her patients....I have been depressed before...but I always had good and bad days...I was never continuously down. My mother is constantly down and while I was strong and there for her most of the time for the first two months. However I now just feel unable to deal with her...unable to support her any longer....my tank feels full..I have great sympathy for her...she has a reason to be down..and I do sympathise a great deal...but this negativity every day...sparation is likely to take most of this year if Dad continues to be unco-operative. The enviroment has seriously affected me...and I feel bad that I feel unable to be there for my mother now. I don't know why I'm writing this...Nobody can change anything...but I suppose sometimes getting things out can deflate strain slightly...maybe this might a little. Thanks to boards for this space.
Alan

Shauna_K

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I can see how this must be extremely difficult and emotionally draining. If your mum is depressed, she may need help, i.e from a G.P, a therapist, a psychiatrist or all three. Is she under someones care? If not it might be worth trying to encouraging her to seek some. It may also be useful for you to speak with a therapist, you can take that time every week or whatever to talk through things and you may find ways of helping yourself to be able to cope with all of this.

Best of Luck
S

viggi-tea

Shauna K is a wise woman. Its often difficult as an adult "kid" of a break-up because you feel you should be able to handle it maturely and try to take care of everyone else in the family. My parents broke up last year and I felt the same way. But it sounds like you need to start trying to take care of yourself now. It seems like you've been taking a lot of your mother's pain onto your shoulders and though its really commendable that you want to help her, your parent's break-up is obviously a very difficult subject to be objective about and can cause you a lot of pain. It sounds like your mother needs to talk to a counsellor or visit a G.P. and if you're feeling depressed or unhappy then talking to someone outside the situation may help you too.

Best of Luck.

darkflower

Now's the time your mom would be needing much of you. Give it dear. Good luck to both of you.