The Complete Idiot's Guide To Talking To Women

Capt'n Midnight

The Complete Idiot's Guide To Talking To Women
What you are thinking... What you can actually say... with bits edited after field testing

Excerpts

Does this make me look fat?
The textbook classic. If you've never heard this one then you've never dated [strike]a girl-next-door type[/strike] [strike]a supermodel[/strike] anyone.

The camera adds ten pounds, doesn't it?
I know I'm overweight but in serious denial. Deny with me.

Do you love me?
Here's a noose. Try it on for size.

Do you love me for my brains or my body?
The no-win situation... pick one and she feels stupid, pick the other and she feels ugly.

Are you listening to me?
Listening is integral to success in any relationship. Failing that, work toward creating a decent impersonation — nodding, smiling, and verbal acknowledgements like "Uh huh" and "Yeah" are a good start.

Will you love me when I'm old, fat and ugly?
Wake up! This is a trick question, even the hottest [strike]broad[/strike] (not PC! — Ed.) chick in the world only sees the negative aspects of her looks. Any answer on this one is instantly interpreted as about the here and now. Always remember, removing your tongue with kitchen scissors remains the most viable response to ANY questioning.

Not very good - but the title is brilliant.
HowTo:Break_Up_With_Your_Imaginary_Girlfriend

GLaDOS

Good find