Ignoring me?

Seoige

Hi, just a quick question. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? A flatmate who my boyfriend is living with has taken to ignoring me. We used to get on quite well, I didn't do anything to offend her as far as I know and its upsetting me as whenever I go over she either gives one word answers to me or leaves a few mins later. She's fine with everyone when I'm not around apparently...dont know should I just keep being the bigger person an be nice to her anyway or should I make sure to keep out of her way? or should I speak to her or get my boyf to talk to her?...only I dont want to cause friction! I really dont think I'm over reacting though because its been going on for a while, like some tension or something...Any advice taken,
Cheers, S

tba

You should make an effort to get on with your partners friends, if they return the favour then you have new friends (hooray!!)

However if they are not interested in talking to you (or hate you) for some reason then you should simply be polite. They could be having a difficult time with that you are not aware of. If they get over it and you have remained civil then things will return to a previous state, if not you remain polite, there is nothing more you can or should do.

Kebab

Hi Seoige,

Just wondering - do you go over to his a lot? It may be that she's a bit tired of you being there all the time?

Just a thought.

K

Faith

My first instinct was that she's fallen for your boyfriend and now resents you. Is this a possibility?

Anti

Faith wrote:

My first instinct was that she's fallen for your boyfriend and now resents you. Is this a possibility?

Seconded++

tba

I also thought that but even if it is true it is prehaps not the best thing to be thinking about, it may drive a wedge where none need be placed.

Rb

anti wrote:

Seconded++

Thirded.

You could try confronting her to see whats up, why she changed her attitude towards you so drastically and without explanation. Or you could just try and be polite and not let it get to you.

Odd that there is no reason for her change in attitude though, or at least one that could be logically determined. That said, there are some people who are just like that, its frustrating to deal with so you can either confront her and try and find out whats going on, or just ignore her back.

daiixi

I'm hovering between both camps. Maybe she's got the hots for your boyfriend or maybe she's sick of having you around.
I know that when my flatmate started going out with her boyfriend the whole dynamics of our flat changed. We used to hang out together and when they started shagging he stopped saying hi and used to go hide in her room. Now I resent the fact that he comes over and makes a mess and that there's not only her dishes lying around but his and also his boxers drying in the middle of the living room and him taking control of the remote. Now if he was friendly all the time and cleared up after himself all of the time I wouldn't care what else he did around the flat - he could dance nekkid all he wanted (even though that would blind everyone). But he isn't always friendly and he doesn't always clear up after himself and that means I get the ****es when he's around. If that's not you then she likes your boyfriend. If this is you then change your ways missy.

Squall

I would agree with some of the previous posters. If they're good friends then she may resent you being around all the time as they no longer get to hang out.

Or she could just be getting annoyed that your around all the time.... she might feel like your invading her space.

I dont really think she has the hots for your boyfriend.... if that was the case then chances are she wouldnt have been nice to you from the get go.

My advice is to try and give her some space. Go to your place for awhile instead of his.... give her some space and maybe let him spend some time at home on his own for awhile.

AnonoBoy

It could easily be just that she thinks you're there too much.

People like their space. If it's a small flat she may feel that it's not her place anymore.

I once had a housemate whose girlfriend practically moved into our house for a whole summer. He never asked anyone if we were cool with it. I found myself going from being polite to the girl to practically ignoring her because she just sat around the house all day while her boyfriend was at work and commented on how she didn't like what I was watching on TV/playing on Playstation. Plus she used to turn the immersion on constantly for no particular reason. Stupid bitch.
[/rant]

Maybe you should have your boyfriend go over to your house a bit more, give his flatmate a bit of space and you may find her warming to you a bit more if she doesn't see you all the time.

Seoige

Thank you for all the replies! I was surprised that a few people suggested she might be into my bf! Hadn't really thought of that. I doubt it though, (not to say my bf isn't yummy!), we'd been going out for over 2years before she moved in and that was a year ago. I also make SUCH an effort not to act like I live there or anything, I definitely don't leave my dishes or laundry around!!!! I'm really careful about not stepping on anyones toes to be honest so that's why I was confused...I don't know, she's back to being chatty with me again so I'm not going to stir things up just to find out what it was all about. She's not my favourite person in the world and I have to say I did loose a bit of respect for her over it but I suppose I'll just get on with it cos hopefully in a few years we'll have a place of our own

Black Swan

Faith wrote:

My first instinct was that she's fallen for your boyfriend and now resents you. Is this a possibility?

Possible. Then again, do you guys get heavy all the time in the common living area while she is there? After awhile, that could be a bit tedious for her, too.

Carrigart Exile

Seoige wrote:

Thank you for all the replies! I was surprised that a few people suggested she might be into my bf! Hadn't really thought of that. I doubt it though, (not to say my bf isn't yummy!), we'd been going out for over 2years before she moved in and that was a year ago. I also make SUCH an effort not to act like I live there or anything, I definitely don't leave my dishes or laundry around!!!! I'm really careful about not stepping on anyones toes to be honest so that's why I was confused...I don't know, she's back to being chatty with me again so I'm not going to stir things up just to find out what it was all about. She's not my favourite person in the world and I have to say I did loose a bit of respect for her over it but I suppose I'll just get on with it cos hopefully in a few years we'll have a place of our own

Maybe she was just going through a bad time and was a little resentful of your happiness

Silent Grape

she could also just be having a hard time in her own love life/ or just life in general and find it hard to express that with you being around so much. i dunno, mightend have anything to do with you at all.

im living with two boys and a girl, all of whom are good friends of mine. and ALL of them have girlfriends or are kind of seeing people. i was dumped a few weeks before christmas and what i couldnt get over was my housemates girlfriend, she'd sit on his lap although there was plenty of space for her on the couch, they'd kiss and cuddle, oblivious to everyone else in the room, just days after i had my heart broken. also shes the most ridiculous dumb blonde bimbo. it's gotten to being afraid they'll be at home when im leaving college.

anyway it could be worse. sorry for my lack of compassion and comlete rant there!

Pigman II

Do nothing. Just give what you get. If a person is ignoring you then just make like it doesn't mean a thing and ignore back (but make it LOOK like you are deliberately doing this).