Moving to England - Leaving Girlfriend/life Behind

LegacyUser

I finished college in May last year and did reasonably well, got a job in a different sector of the course that would of been my seconds choice (this was due to a lack of jobs in the first sector in Ireland) but stuck at it but now i cant bear it anymore. It is just total boredom, the job itself and the place i work. I worked in the other sector on placement in college and loved the work and the people involved in it.

Some people from my class went to england to get a job and they love it over there. I never went cos of my girlfriend of whom ive been going out for 4 years. She refused to go and i couldnt do it without her.

But ive sat back and had a look at my life and i would really love the challenge of a brand new life and job in england. Besides my girl, ive nothing to lose. Im not really to close with my family, most of friends are busy settled down or abroad so I wouldnt miss them to much and I hate my job.
My girl on the other hand loves her life here, her job, family lots of great friends etc.

She will not under any circumstances, and im being drawn by better job, conditions, career prospects, money, new life and friends. I am also becoming more disillusioned with life in Dublin.

I know most people are gonna tell me to go, i can come back every few weekends on a ryanair, but tbh i dont think i could live away from my girlfriend permently. Any advice or experiences that could be shared?

custardcreams

yeah go for it ... move over to your chosen job, see how the job goes, the area you live in goes and see how well you integrate. It could last a day it could last a lifetime. You could sell it to here then or get experience in the field -> ryanair the relationship until you have enough and then move home as an experienced whatever....or by then might start to really like the place she visits (for a tenner every weekend) over time...
my two cents -

I uped and left my girlfriend, friends and family in 98 and moved to a village called churchtown in the middle of the countryside in germany about an hour from oldenberg (near bremen).

I loved it and she moved over and we had the best time. Subsequently moved home to waterford..now dublin then broke up so ..there you go. Have a new gf now.

Anyway you have to take risks in this life so my two cents is GO FOR IT LAD - you can always say it was boggie but you need to try the ideas that you have or regrets and bitterness creep in down the local in doneagmeade or wherever you are.

Gordon

whatwillido? wrote:

i dont think i could live away from my girlfriend permently.

Then stay.

However, you're not sure because you haven't done it have you? Why not try it out for 3 months, and if you don't like it or can't handle being away from your girlfriend then come back. What is stopping you doing that?

stooge

I'm looking at a similar (although not permanent) move to a foreign conutry and away from my g'frd of 4yrs.

Do you think you could go away, further your career, earn a bit of money and then possibly come back to start afresh with her again? If not, then could you face breaking up with your girlfriend for good.

IMHO If there is anything between you and her at all you will make it work no matter if you are 100 or 1000 miles apart. Ive done the long distance thing before, and although it was hard, it worked. She should understand the need for you to further your career, so I would say go and give it your best shot, if it doesnt work you can always come back. In the words of an ex "It's best to regret something you've done than something you havent"

humanji

I say go. If you stay, you'll just feel worse and you'll eventually feel resentment towards your girlfriend because she "made you stay". It's nice to do things for other people, but you have to think of yourself every now and again.

Life's too short to be miserable (even if the sex is good!).

stooge

humanji wrote:

Life's too short to be miserable (even if the sex is good!).

yeah, I forgot to mention about the regular sex you could miss....but I suppose that's why God invented the Internet....

biko

I upped and left to live the dream in Galway.
Best decision of my life.

Sony

If you love your girlfriend and can see yourself possibly spending your life together...stay. I know you dont expect her to go with you and nor should you obviously, but is moving to england really the only option you have?

Im saying this cause

1. I know Id pick the girl over anything else if I felt the right way about her
and
2. Is there not anything else you can maybe focus on doing instead of your job now?

Ive mates living in england now too but the grass is always greener-dont jump into anything - When youre sat in your new exciting job(that you love) over in england will it ever be worth losing this girl over? I think not but thats just me

Best of luck whatever you decide;)

LegacyUser

The way I look at it is if you are serious about this girl and she knows this, then if she liked you enough, she would go over with you and support you. If she is not prepared to move over with you and she apparently "loves" you then I suggest you just go.

The way I look at it is, if she likes you enough, she will do it...maybe you need to sit her down and explain to her your feelings for her and once she knows how you feel, she should be willing to go with you at least to try it out...

jimmycrackcorm

Go. It's not as if you'll only have one girlfriend in your life. If you think that "She's the one" then you haven't been married for a few years.

DJ_Spider

Ok here goes! I am 40 and lived in the UK for most of my life, I then joined the army at 16 and travelled extensively. Since I left in 1997 I have never been able to settle in one place for more than about 2 1/2yrs. I was living in the south west of the UK and my ex said just before xmas 2005 that we should split.

She still called me on the phone and we also still met for shopping/sex/drinks etc, she said she loved me but couldn't live with me. (strange I know) Well she basically threw me out of her house, but did support me as much as she could by giving me the train fare to cornwall for the weekend so I could stay with a friend. I then managed to get a place in a homeless hostel and she paid for my coach fare back.

I was only about 20mins from her and still met her for the above and even sometimes stayed overnight with her. Well to cut it short I was lonely at xmas as she couldn't see me as her parents thought we weren'e seeing eachother, so I texted an ad to one of the sky channels. I got a reply from a lady here in Dublin as she said I sounded nice and gen as my ad said 'sleepless in somerset!' (maybe she likes tom hanks?! - must ask her!)

She spent a lot of money calling me for hours on my mobile sometimes 7 hours at a time through the night! I suppose I was sleepless so she helped pass the time! Anyway I said I wasn't working so would no way be able to meet her but wish we could just to see what happened.

As I had to sign on every fortnight on a monday and we have 2 bank holidays in UK during May I was 'excused' signing for about 6 weeks, but still got paid. I also lost one and got a replacement, but the original one turned up. Someone told me if I took it to cash converters they would cash it and the dole would never find out. So I did it! OOPS!

The lady here in Dublin sent me the money to get a plane ticket and said she would meet me at the airport. I hadn't told my ex and just came over. I called her about 5 days after being here and told her I was in ireland. She was shocked but ok with it and asked me to go see her when I got back. I didn't tell her I was with a girl!

Anyway me and my new g/f as she is now, well actually my fiance' after I bought her a nice diamond and white gold ring for xmas! (jewelry so much cheaper here!) got on like a house on fire, I really, yes REALLY didn't expect to get into her bed, but it just happened.

When I got back to UK I went to my ex and said it was over and I was moving to Ireland to live. She tried to stop me and even told me the bus was cancelled and I would have to stay over at hers. But I had enough money to get a cab back to the hostel so that took the wind out of her sails. She was gushing at the bus stop and actually if I am honest so was I inside. I didn't look back as I didn't want to show my true feelings.

But really if I was honest we were using eachother, she would call me and say she was coming over and meet here for a drink etc. We should have split completly and that would have been better. When I came back to Ireland, (sounds like I lived here already!) I had my 40th birthday, my ex called me and told me that she was pregnant but she was going to tell me for my birthday. Yes I was disapointed as i do not have any children, but I don't think I am finacially or maturely stable enough to have them.

Well that's my 2Euros! I say if your g/f loves you she will stand by you and she might get to like the UK if she just visits. maybe she thinks it will be too much of a lifestyle change and needs to be eased into it! HTH

LegacyUser

'Em thanks for that lovely story DJ!

thanks for all the great replies.
The more I think about it the more I know I have to go. Im gonna go up to the GF later and have a big chat about it. Shes not gonna be happy when she hears the England again!

Im gonna go with or without her, il just come home every 2/3 weekends.'

Mrbrianmolko

I dunno but it seems a toughie.
I know id be over there thinking "this is actually a load of crap, i miss my gf back home and want to go". Missing her could wreck your view of your new life over there. Thats just what i think though.

LegacyUser

'Had a massive chat with the gf about this last night. She says she wont go, and secretly i think she thinks i wont go without her. But im going to do it, the more i think about it the more it seems the best option.

Its already starting to create a bit of tension between us. I believe her when she says she wont go, but i think when weve been apart for a while she might change her mind.

Shes not gonna hold me back though, its something im going to do, with or without her.'

ArphaRima

Go. The relationship may or may not survive it. Such is life.
Never regret making a decision to better your life.

Black Swan

whatwillido? wrote:

Shes not gonna hold me back though, its something im going to do, with or without her.'

It would appear that you have made your decision. That your career and this move to the UK are more important to you at this stage in your life than the relationship with your g/f? It also appears that your relationship is not balanced, given that you expect her to make the sacrifice, but not you? Even if you convince her to make this sacrifice, do you really believe that she will be happy leaving her family, friends, and beloved country behind? Will she be bitter someday down the road because only she had to make a sacrifice?

Ouch! Your case causes me to look into the mirror. Not sure I like what I see. I too am one of those career driven people who has gone overseas for opportunity and adventure, leaving everyone I cared about behind.

Marksie

The uk is not outer mongolia or katmandu. It will take you less time to get to the uk than it will say to get from dublin to kerry or cork (and is probably cheaper). Weekends over are not expensive and a weekend relationship works for many people who are balancing careers.


1) she is not stopping you going.. a "me or else" attitude. Which is promising.

2) It is something you have to do for yourself or you will get resentful in any event.

It will take some major readjustment but there is no reason why it shouldn't work for both of you.