am i being fazed out

LegacyUser

Ok so … fairly massive post here. Up until 6 months ago I would have considered myself a very good friend. Always there with a lift, a cheer up text message birthday cake on your bday , hug when you looked down and a listening ear. Up until 6 months ago. Then I changed a lot. I became quite unreliable, (was living with mates and was 2 days late with a deposit for a house we were moving into then moved out of the house 2 months later) and probably quite hard to live with (I am clinically depressed so spend most of my time in tears rather than being any real fun) so my friends say they are still my friends ( two very close ones in particular) but I feel like I am being cut out. I always get 1 word replies to texts if any and one of them has now not invited me to his bday party. I have heard about it through my bf who is mates with him. So my question is should I just bow out gracefully or try to redeem myself and save my friendships.. and if I try to save them how should I do that?

free2fly

Have you tried talking to your friends about the way you feel? People are always so busy at the holidays. And perhaps your friend assumed since your bf was invited to his birthday party you would naturally come along?

humanji

In fairness, can you blame them for not wanting you around if you're going to spend the night in tears. I sound harsh, I know, but the problem is with you and not then, but it's nothing that can't be helped. As you said, you're suffering from depression, so deal with this first. Not sure what you've done about it, but the usual sort of thing of healthy diet, exercise and a trip to the doctor will help. You'll be back to your old self in no time, and then you can start working on rekindling you friendships.

justsomebloke

I would have to agree with humanji, no offence but if you where looking forward to your birthday and being happy at it, would you want somebody there who is just going to be in floods of tears come the end of the night.

LegacyUser

ok... jsut to calrify when i am on my ow ni ball my eyes out but on nights out io can hide my depression really well and can crack jokes and appear happy..

dame

Have to agree with the other replies here. You need to sort out your depression and get your life back on track. Telling your friends (if they don't know already), might help them understand why you get upset and act as you do. You can understand why they wouldn't want to keep hanging on as friends if you don't seem to be even trying to get back to the old you. Depression is not an excuse for staying an unreliable, moody friend who will ruin birthday parties with tears. Friends will lose patience with someone who cries all the time but does nothing about it. You will find however, that most people will want to help you cope so long as you are trying.

Could you go to social occasions for a while (just to keep up with your friendships and show them you still want to be included) but leave before you become tearful and ruin other people's nights? This leaving early is only a temporary thing by the way, just until you get on top of your depression. Also, don't drink as this will probably make you more tearful and depressed.

{EDIT: Sorry OP, just saw your last text there now....}

Another tip, try not to be late with things like house deposits as you could cause your friends to all lose out if one of them doesn't stump up and cover for you. Try and do what you say you will, when you say you will. Otherwise people get pissed off.

humanji

But if they know about your condition, or about your behaviour before hand, they might want to do without the hassle. Have you spoken to your friends about it? It might seem embarrasing, but it shouldn't. It'll help clear the air and your friends will understand. Plus I'm sure they'll be willing to help

LegacyUser

'I think some people are being very harsh. These are supposed to be your best friends. They are supposed to be be there for you when times get tough - not just when the going is good. You are suffering from clinical depression so it is not like you have purposefully set out to upset or hurt your friends - if you had then they would every right to drop you.

That said, they may not realise how you percieve the situation. Perhaps they feel at a loss for how best to cope with your changed personality and don't know the right thing to reply to your messages, and as a previous poster said they may have assumed you were coming to the party. You should tell them how you feel about the problem. Perhaps clarify what you need from them at the moment - maybe just to reassure them that while you are obviously down that you only expect them to interact with you as they would have before and not to worry about what to say etc.

Having had more than one close friend go through a period of clinical depression I would never dream of "fazing them out". It's not like they were merely a casual acquintance I enjoyed a few drinks with - they were my friends who had been there for me and I was happy to do the same in return. I am sure this is how it has been for you OP, if you are close friends. I can honestly say that I would like my best friend at my party even if they would end the night in floods of tears, especially if I knew that it was down to a clinical problem and not just someone after a few too many bemoaning the fact they were never going to find their soulmate or whatever.

Good luck OP. Talk to your friends and explain how you feel. If they feel they can't be there for you when you need them then perhaps it's best to leave them to it. At least you have your boyfriend for support and I'm sure you will come through this difficult time with or without their friendship.'

biko

Explain to your friends you're going through a rough patch.
Be open, they will most likely see you through this if you let them.
See a specialist about the depression, perhaps it can be treated easily?

Friends are harder to make than to keep.