Whos the father?

SilverChair

Hi all, I tried googling but to no avail and tbh theres nobody in real life Im comfortable talking to about this.

I girl I slept with recently is now pregnant, and though she says Im not the father theres a few things that bug me and make me think I might.

I know she had unprotected sex with her last bf. She had std test and pregnancy test 3 weeks later. All clear.

A little while later we started dating. I remember her saying one day that her period was heavier than usual.

A week or so later she became unwell and the doc gave her a look and some antibiotics.

We'd been together for about a month and ended up sleeping together. Though we intended to use contraception the plan didnt work out (we were both high as kites. Ive never been this irresponsible and it wont happen again. I dont need a lecture).

Two weeks later she tells me shes pregnant, but that its her last bf's not mine.

The reason I doubt her is (and this is where I might be showing my ignorance)
*She had a pregnancy test that said she wasnt pregnant 3 weeks after him
*I know she had her period a while after the test
*She had that test just after we slept together

She says that what we thought was her just being unwell was that she was actually pregnant, and that the doctor told her she was 7 weeks pregnant (can they tell this?).

Now Ill be honest here and say I know sweet **** all about women's bodies and pregnancy.
Should I believe her?

Asking for a paternity test is out of the question. I dont need advise on what to do next or being careful. All I want to know is if ye think I might be somebodies father?

Boston

You presume she wasn't lying about her period.
You also presume she didn't sleep with the ex while with you.

Nevyn

Paternity test can only be done after the child is born.

Until she has a scan the time of the pregnacy is calculated from the 1 day of her last period and that is what is used and then adjusted.

It is possible to have some bleeding while pregnant.

So honestly there is no way of knowing even with all the facts or even assuming all the facts she has told you are true.

You can do some backward comparing dates wise if you know what her estimated due date is.

She could have gone back and had sex with her ex during her fertile time and it could be his.

Sleepy

A doctor can tell how long a woman is gone in her pregnancy so as long as she's telling you the truth about that, you can be pretty sure you're not the father if you only slept with her a month ago (bit of a difference between 7 and 2 weeks). There is something funny about the maths though:

3 weeks before STD & Pregnancy Test
+ 1 month before sleeping together
+ 2 weeks later she tells you she's 7 weeks pregnant

= 9ish weeks, are you sure there wasn't someone between you and her ex?

SilverChair

She could have slept with some one else sure, though I really doubt it, and Im 100% sure she didnt sleep with the ex cos we were in a different country at the time.

She came to Ireland to study on erasmus and went home when she discovered she was pregnant. Shes gone now, I dont know the due date and am unlikely to see her again. I dont know what Id do if it is my kid, but Id like to know, in fact its all I think about.

As for what I definitly know.
I know she fainted one day and I know the doc put her on antibiotics.
I know that shes definitly pregnant

Im 90% sure she had a pregnancy test though I dont know for def how long since she slept with the ex that she had it.

I knew her 32 days before sleeping with her.
It was 11 days after sleeping togehter she told me

More or less 6 weeks there. So to be 7 weeks pregnant she would have had to sleep with someone a week before meeting me (presuming it is in fact 7 weeks and there was noone else while we were dating).

dame

It is possible to take a pregnancy test and find out you're pregnant after taking one earlier (even by a day or two) and getting a negative.

embee

SilverChair wrote:

I knew her 32 days before sleeping with her.
It was 11 days after sleeping togehter she told me

More or less 6 weeks there. So to be 7 weeks pregnant she would have had to sleep with someone a week before meeting me (presuming it is in fact 7 weeks and there was noone else while we were dating).

Hi OP,

When a doctor tells a woman that she is X amount of weeks pregnant, she is usually 2 weeks "less" pregnant than that.

The reason for this is - the amount of weeks pregnant you are is calculated from the first day of your last period. Ovulation would happen 2 weeks approx after that date, so when a doctor tells her she is 7 weeks pregnant, in reality, she has only been carrying an embryo for 5 weeks-ish. So, if you slept with her five weeks or so ago, there is chance that it is your baby.

When I conceived for example, the first day of my period was April 23rd, but in reality I conceived around May 7th. The due date is worked out as 40 weeks from April 23rd, not May 7th.

Hope this might make things clearer for you.

King of Kings

She may have taken the pregnancy tested too soon after having sex with her ex. for it to register.

If she says it's not yours you just have to assume it's not - she prob got advice off doctor on who's kid it most likely is . stay in touch with her and get a paternity test done when the kid is born.

Do you have any reason to think she is lying to you?
Does she see the ex as a better prospective dad than you? and maybe then she is lying.

It sounds **** but you have no option but to believe her and maybe force (legal route)a test when the baby is born.It not great but one of the drawbacks of being a man that cares:(

miles teg

Thaedydal wrote:

Paternity test can only be done after the child is born.

Well, actually they can be done prenatal
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_testing

delly

SilverChair wrote:

It was 11 days after sleeping together she told me.

Well I don't think any woman would know she was pregnant after 11 days and most tests would show a false negative which can occur when testing is done too early. I think this is what happened when she got the first test in the start.

All this is based on probability tho', so don't take my word for it.

Nevyn

miles teg wrote:

Well, actually they can be done prenatal
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_testing

Not in this country.

embee

delly wrote:

Well I don't think any woman would know she was pregnant after 11 days

I did, or at the very least, I had a majorly strong suspicion.

delly

embee wrote:

I did, or at the very least, I had a majorly strong suspicion.

But what would the test have said after 11 days?

littlebug

Some of the more sensitive tests could show a positive result at 11 days but it would probably be very faint. I'm pretty sure I got a positive result at 12 days but it was quite a faint line and it wasn't until 14 days that it was a definite strong positive line. I can't imagine a doctor would do a test at 11 days when the person's period isn't even due. I did the test because I was trying for a baby and was starting to feel very mild symptoms.
I think it is unlikely that the baby is the OPs if she is telling the truth about the dates. However if she said she was told she was 7 weeks pregnant by the doctor that means it was only 5 weeks since actual conception which is a week after she started seeing the OP but before she slept with him. If she means it is 7 weeks since conception (but then a doctor wouldn't tell her she was 7 weeks preg) then it happened a week before she started seeing the OP but after the sleeping with the ex.

I hate to say this OP but if she is telling the truth about dates then she has definitely slept with someone else either just before or just after you got together. If I am reading all of this correctly then the original negative pregnancy result could have been correct but she conceived after that.

I am getting confused though!

miles teg

Thaedydal wrote:

Not in this country.

England perhaps?

Victor

miles teg wrote:

England perhaps?

Perhaps, however there is a risk to the baby in doing this.

Carrigart Exile

I hate to raise the spectre of this but has she gone home for an abortion, slightly less complicated without someone else's feelings to consider (although I know it a horrendous decision to make for anyone)

embee

delly wrote:

But what would the test have said after 11 days?

That would depend which test I took, how long the cycle was etc etc...

The thing is - I knew, well before I did the test. I knew I was pregnant. A test would just have confirmed what I already knew. It might sound odd, but I "felt" pregnant.

SilverChair

Carrigart Exile wrote:

I hate to raise the spectre of this but has she gone home for an abortion, slightly less complicated without someone else's feelings to consider (although I know it a horrendous decision to make for anyone)

Her and her ex are getting back together. He's happy to be a father and shes happy to be starting a family with him.


Heres the story as its just been related to me that she gave one of her friends.

The 7 weeks was counted from the last time she had sex with her ex, which is just one week before coming to Ireland. She had a pregnancy test before leaving home. They were on a break because she was coming to Ireland for a year.
So Timeline equals.

Week 0: Sleep with ex

Week 1: Pregnancy test, Come to Ireland and meet me

Week 3: Period was much heavier than usual.

Week 4: She started to feel unwell and had a lack of energy and. These she says were signs she missed that she was pregnant.

Week 6: She and I sleep together, (this isnt in the version she tells her friend)

Week 7: She finds out she is pregnant.

So Im thinking that the pregnancy test she took after the ex at one week would prob be too soon to detect anything, from what a lot of you are saying.

According to Thaedydal, that she had some bleeding doesnt mean she wasnt pregnant at the time.

But I just want some opinions on the last part of her story.
Is what she is saying about her being unwell/lathargic signs of pregnancy? Would she really be feeling these symptoms after only four weeks pregnant? Could a doctor easily make the mistake and not realise she was pregnant?

So it is perfectly plausible that the ex is the father.

But Im still thinking I might be cos
A)She counting the 7 weeks herself apparently, and was not told so by the doctor
B)Embee says 11 days is enough to test positive.

Probably my only way to solve this is to find out what the due date is, but if she is purposefully lying, she'll surely lie about the due date too.

Boston

Of course you could be the father, you had sex with her. Tbh you'll find out when the baby is born. If it's born on a data which fits to him being the father, and it's not very sick (premature), he's the father, else, you are probably the father.

littlebug

ok the dates make a bit more sense now. In the OP I think you said the original preg test was 3 weeks after she had slept with the ex. If it was only one week after then it was way too early to get a positive result. yes people can bleed, have a period and still be pregnant.

If she went to the doctor feeling unwell but didn't mention pregnancy then yes he could have missed it. I would presume that since she did have a negative preg test (not realising it was just too early) and having had a period that even if the doctor had asked her was there any chance she could be pregnant she probably just said no (and believed it herself).

Yes there is a small chance that she could have had a positive pregnancy test at 11 days after sleeping with you but as I said in my last post it would probably be a very faint positive and it would really only be when she missed her next period that it would be definite i.e about 3-4 days later.

Is there any reason why you think she would lie to you about all of this?
If she is counting 7 weeks pregnant since conception then she is actually 9 weeks pregnant. Due date is calculated as 40 weeks from the date of the last period which is usually 2 weeks before ovulation (and likely conception time).

embee

SilverChair wrote:

B)Embee says 11 days is enough to test positive.

Yep, that is very true. Having said that, when I tested the first time, I got a negative result on the ClearBlue test. I tested again using the First Response brand, and got a positive.

From First Response website :

The FIRST RESPONSE® test is so sensitive that most pregnant women have enough of the pregnancy hormone, hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin), to be detected as early as 4 days before their expected period.

So, if in your ex's case, she had a 28 day cycle, a test on day 24 should give her an accurate result. That would be approximately 10 days from ovulation (based on a 28 days cycle), so yes, 11 days after sex would theoretically produce a correct test result.