Inappropriate?

LegacyUser

I met this guy about 6 months ago, I found him really really attractive and I would often catch him looking at me (you know that thing were you both look at each other and it seems to go on forever) Only thing was I was attatched at the time.
Now I'm single and I'd really like to make a move on him, but he sends me a lot of mixed signals. When he gets drunk, he tends to be very touchy with me (putting his arm around me and hugging me and stuff) but when sober, it seems to be me making all the effort.
He's very very quiet, and although he is in his twenties, I've heard he's never had a girlfriend.
We get on well, and I have totally fallen for him. I think I'm clutching at straws sometimes, searching for any wee sign that he's interested.
I really don't know what to do, please give me whatver advice you can! Thanks

LegacyUser

I tried to post this earlier but it didn't work. So maybe I'll make it shorter this time.

Met a guy a few months ago, we caught each other looking back a lot, but I had a boyfriend so I just ignored it. Although I found him extremely attractive.
When I broke up with my boyfriend, I made it my business to get talking to him. We text and MSN a lot, but in person he's not very talkative.
When he's drunk, he tends to get closer to me - putting his arm around me hugging me - Stuff like that. But when he's sober, it seems to be me making all the effort.
I've heard he's never had a girlfriend, so he is very shy.
Am I just clutching at straws? Looking for any sign that he likes me? Do I make a move? Forget about it?
Any advice would be really really appreciated.

dudara

Same post twice, slight different info in both, so merged.

LegacyUser

What's different?

daiixi

make a move and you'll have your answer. don't make a move and keep on wondering.

LegacyUser

But how? Do I text him, say it to him over MSN, or wait until we're both out and just flirt with him?
I haven't liked anyone this much in a long time, getting turned down would be so hard.
He's so inexperienced he might freak out and back away, even if he does feel the same.

dudara

Carpe diem, it's all you can do.

Seriously, think about it. Do you want to be getting advice from random strangers on boards, or do you want to be out there talking to this guy, taking a chance that the dice will roll with you?

LegacyUser

I'm asking for advice, before I make a move, so I know I'm not living in some deluded world.

semifinalist

Go for it girl. i know what ya mean by being afraid of rejection but you'll drive yourself spare by thinking about it all the time.

just do it.

mr_angry

Sounds like he's just nervous. Probably best to invite him out for a drink sometime and make your move once he's relaxed.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Hah he sounds really like me - I've pulled that drunken arm around girls I like reverting to quiet blanker when sober. It's kind of like we think you'll be less attracted to us if we show any sign of liking you.

I'd suggest telling him/make a move when you're alone with him, or do it by text. The drawback to a text is that the memory of how things got going won't be as sweet & might put a dampener on the whole thing

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks. Advice appreciated. I'm nervous even just hinking about making a move though lol

spinandscribble

if he's never had a gf by now he's got a confidence problem. make a move

Carrigart Exile

Silly girl wrote:

But how? Do I text him, say it to him over MSN, or wait until we're both out and just flirt with him?
I haven't liked anyone this much in a long time, getting turned down would be so hard.
He's so inexperienced he might freak out and back away, even if he does feel the same.

In Vino Veritas, next time he has a drink in him make a play, if he rejects you no worries, you can claim he imagined it when he was drunk:D

It might sound facetious, but I am being genuine, if he is that shy maybe he just needs dutch courage.

daiixi

Carrigart Exile wrote:

In Vino Veritas, next time he has a drink in him make a play, if he rejects you no worries, you can claim he imagined it when he was drunk:D

It might sound facetious, but I am being genuine, if he is that shy maybe he just needs dutch courage.

Just tell him straight out that you like him at the next appropriate moment. Do it to his face.

Duckjob

Sounds like he's interested but is just shy and incredibly unsure of himself. Only one way to find out though....

Next time you're out with him, pick a suitable time and move in for a kiss. If he responds, then wear the face off him, and follow up with a smile and something like 'thats something I've wanted to do for a while', so he knows it's more than just the drink talking.

If he doesnt respond to a snog, dismiss it as a drunken moment and move on.

LegacyUser

'Thanks so much guys!

Wear the face off him?! Indeed I would!! Lol '

Talliesin

Sounds very much like he's just too timid when sober to make any sort of move, and still too timid when drunk to make a more complete move.

Snog him suddenly or ask him out to something that's just the two of you (dinner, cinema, climbing the north face of Eiger, whatever) as best suits your own style of dealing with men.

killeoin

Well at the end of my days I know I'd rather regret doing something rather than regret not doing something. -(shamelessly robbed!)

Just txt him and ask him out for a drink/game of pool. Whats to lose?

Nevyn

Well decide what you want from him, an actual relationship or will be just your rebound guy ?

He coudl be giving you space to get over your break up.

LegacyUser

'i would love a relationship with this guy, really and truely. and i'm trying to get the guts to say it to him now'

Marksie

Silly girl wrote:

'i would love a relationship with this guy, really and truely. and i'm trying to get the guts to say it to him now'

New year, new chance. An ideal time to meet and talk, you never know..steering him towards the remains of the mistletoe or a big sloppy snog at new years will be just the thing.
Life is to short NOT to take a chance.

Bob the Builder

daiixi wrote:

make a move and you'll have your answer. don't make a move and keep on wondering.

My experience leads me to agree 100% with daiixi

The_B_Man

if u had've made a poll, 100% sed to go for it.

u've 2 choices in the "execution".

1. just kiss him on like the dancefloor or sumwhere were yis are alone,

or

2. have a big girly talk wit him and say u wanna go out wit him. inexperienced fellas think girls are into this **** so it'll give him sum self kudos, if thats the word.

if hes the type thats tells ppl to **** off and sticks his finger up at everyone for a joke and such, then 1 is ur option. if hes all sensitive n such then 2 is ur answer.

do not get ur own personal idolised version of him mixed up wit this btw.

eg
HER: oh, hes so sensitive!!
HIM: shut the **** up, dickface! *sticks finger up*

LegacyUser

'New Years eve, seemed like the perfect time. But I just could not do it face to face. So we were texting when we were home after our night out and I decided I was gonna do it over text. I did the build up, 'I've been trying to decide whether to ask you something or not over the last while etc etc' And then what did I do?! Yes my good friends I fell asleep!!!!! So I now have to decide whether I wanna still ask or not, bear in mind I'm sober, so it can't be blamed on the drink.'

Civilian_Target

Maybe before you say it directly, you could make yourself a lot more open to this fella - check your body language is correct, be a bit more touchy while sober and that you're not accidentally warding him off. Let him spend some time with you 1 to 1. If he still doesn't respond - then Daiixi's advice is good

LegacyUser

I'm pretty much the same. I'm a guy in my thirties, no gf (people think it's strange, but hey...). Anyway, I have been in that situation many times in the past with many girls (hindsights good, isn't it!). Being the unsure sort, they must have scared me off or something.

Advice: Something won't happen unless you 'force his hand', so say it out straight and tell him how you feel.

Kell

Silly Girl wrote:

'New Years eve, seemed like the perfect time. But I just could not do it face to face. So we were texting when we were home after our night out and I decided I was gonna do it over text. I did the build up, 'I've been trying to decide whether to ask you something or not over the last while etc etc' And then what did I do?! Yes my good friends I fell asleep!!!!! So I now have to decide whether I wanna still ask or not, bear in mind I'm sober, so it can't be blamed on the drink.'

Oh for fúcks sake- why do you people make it so fúcking difficult for yourselves.

Step 1) Extend arm and dial his number
Step 2) Hi <insert chaps name>. Blah blah. Just wondering if you are doing anything this weekend and if you would like to hook up and <insert preferred activity>. You would? Great.
Step 3) Go and enjoy yourself and quit with the paranoid delusions

Or, as a friend of mine once did, you could send him a text saying "we could continue chatting via text or you could just ask me out instead and do it that way".

Either way, pull your finger out of your rear and ask the guy out. Yes- it really is that easy (TM).

K-

tbh

Of course the sub-text to what ol' black-and-white k-man is saying there is this: If you want something in this life, you have to pay for it. If you want a relationship with this guy, the price you have to pay for it is putting yourself out on a limb, in a vunerable position, and asking him. The choice is yours as to whether you want to pay that price - if you don't, then you obviously don't like him as much as you think you do. Of course Kell is right tho - look at it this way - worst case scenario - if someone you liked as a friend only asked you out, and you didn't want to do it, would you think the person who asked you out was a tool? Or would you be flattered that someone went to the trouble of asking you out? So why should this guy be any different? and that's if he says no, from what you are saying, he probably won't. If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will he.

LegacyUser

'Cheers again for all this.

I was with him today and I had all this running through my head but I just don't think it should require all this effort. any conversation seemed be be started by me. I couldn't have a relationship with someone like that. I'm probably better off forgetting it'

dooloo

yeah but he's a quiet bloke. either you like him being quite or not. if you were his girlfriend i guarantee you he'd be more relaxed and open to talking.

if he's feeling the same way about you (and you gotta find out if he is!), then he's bound to be quiet. maybe he's a deep thinker! wouldnt worry about the fact he's in his 20's and never had the girlfriend. i was the same and now blissfully happy with my gf of 4 years.

look, he's going to be standoffish when he's sober. i'm not sure about asking him straight out. it could be embarrasing for both of you. you nearly had it with the drunken text. try that again or just jump on him after a few drinks on your next night out! then you can blame the drink!

get him out this weekend and let us know.

Kell

tbh wrote:

Of course the sub-text to what ol' black-and-white k-man is saying there is

Lifes actually fairly straightforward and black and white if you choose it to be. Thinking for someone else or making assumptions on their behalf (when it comes to dating or not as the case may be) is where most people fúck up.

Simple rule of thumb when it comes to dating. ASK THEM OUT. Feel the fear and do it anyway or spend a lifetime wondering about what you never had.

Silly Girl wrote:

I'm probably better off forgetting it

:rolleyes: See? This poor blighter has now started to convince herself out of it instead of having the nerve to just ask him out.

Dearie- its not rocket science. Your world will not cave in if you ask him. There will be no tsunami's. The revolution will not be televised. Honestly- this is only as difficult as YOU are making it.

K-

LegacyUser

'kell, it's really not as simple as you make out, when the guy is so so quite and so easily intimidated. I told myself I wouls stop liking him after new years eve cuz i just dont get ffedback but istill realy like him. I know he doesnt like me im sure i know 100% that he doesnt, my new question is, how do i either make him lik e me or how do i ger over him. im very drunk excue the bad lanuguge or grammer i dunno'

Kell

Unregreg wrote:

'kell, it's really not as simple as you make out,

Things are as simple or as difficult as you choose them to be.

Unregreg wrote:

I know he doesnt like me im sure i know 100% that he doesnt

Have you asked him? Dont be afraid of making yourself look like an idiot to get what you want. BTW. Have you actually asked him out yet?

K-

LegacyUser

Well, I haven't ...actually... asked him out as such.

Alter-Ego

Unregreg wrote:

I told myself I wouls stop liking him after new years eve cuz i just dont get ffedback but istill realy like him.

Ya can't just make yourself stop liking somebody, you like him and thats gonna be hard to escape

I know he doesnt like me im sure i know 100% that he doesnt, my new question is, how do i either make him lik e me or how do i ger over him.

You can't know until you ask him. and if he doesn't like you, you can't really make the guy like you.

Two options, adjust your body language around him to make it obvious that you like him

Or..

Just tell him, by text or even better face to face.

If he doesn't like you, its really not the end of the world. (He probably likes you tho;) )

LegacyUser

'You just have to tell him straight.

He is more than likely afraid of ruining what he may have worked up to if he thinks he is too forward.
By you letting him know, you will relieve the worries he may have.

He probably does not have a lot of confidence either, but when he has a few pints on him, is a bit more open towards you hence the hugging etc.

All you have to do is just let him know.'

comad

Without going into details, I was in a similar situation, really liked this girl so I asked her out. sent her a simple text her asking here out. She said no in a very nice way but the rejection feels better than regretting

cornbb

comad wrote:

Without going into details, I was in a similar situation, really liked this girl so I asked her out. sent her a simple text her asking here out. She said no in a very nice way but the rejection feels better than regretting

Same happened here. Agree 100%

OP, you sound as shy as the guy you describe. Maybe he's in the exact same situation as you. Send him a text if you are too shy to speak to him. For the love of God, do it right now! Best case scenario, you start a beautiful relationship. Worse case scenario, at least you tried and will feel better for doing so. If you leave it be and try to forget about it you will always wonder "what if", believe me.

We all want to hear the outcome of this btw

Kell

Unregreg wrote:

Well, I haven't ...actually... asked him out as such.

Well then. Time for the three step plan-

1) Remove finger from rear end
2) Ask the person out
3) Deal with the consequences

There is no other way about it my dear.

K-

Skiesonfire19

Advice?

Grow a pair and do something about it! Is the word 'no' really so hard to hear?

Skies

LegacyUser

'Well I was in a similar situation, liked a good friend of mine, debated whether to tell him or not. I got mixed advice on boards. He is a really quiet guy, don't think he's had a girlfriend (that said I haven't had a boyfriend before this either). He's not that flirty and quite hard to read.

So anyway I figured I'm not gonna get over this unless I say something. If rejection meant closure then I was prepared to deal with that.

I told him, he said he'd prefer to remain friends and didn't want things to change. He was really sound about it and things weren't awkward at all.

About a month later he told me he actually did like me and that he was just surprised that I'd said something and didn't really know how to react.

We're now going out. I'm so glad I said something. I do think the advice of 'It's better to regret doing something than doing nothing' is good advice to take.

You're obviously driving yourself crazy. I think you're best off saying something. Rejection is better than not knowing what could have been. Believe me!'