Meeting Girls etc

LegacyUser

Im a guy 22 now studying in college, im an average guy in everyway and have good friendships with many girls in college and outside, im not big into the clubbing scene, i tend to stay in most nights with a film and just relax, my days are usually long, tiring and stressful and i couldnt think of anything worse than heading out afterwards.

However when i do go out i never seem to meet any girls, im always chatting em up and none ever seem to be interested in me, iv even tried being a little direct with some and still nothing, iv put on a bit of weight over the last few years and today iv decided to begin getting healthy and training with a hope that i can improve my chances of love.

My main question isnt about why im a failure, lol or what i can do to improve my problem, i know what it is, im not a good looking guy and im not that tall either so i want to improve my appearance to make me look a bit more attractive so other than working out and losing weight is there any suggestions anyone can make on how to improve my looks?

CharLit

Firstly, if clubs are not your scene, why are you looking for girls there? If you meet plenty of girls elsewhere, why not ask one of them out for a cup of coffee sometime? Or are you looking for an ONS when clubbing?

But to try and answer your question:

Without seeing you 'in action' it's hard for anyone to say what's going wrong, but I very much doubt it's all - or even mostly - looks. Let's face it, most of us here on this planet are not just about to get scouted by a modelling agency! However, plenty of us froggies - as opposed to the princes and princesses - are still managing to pull or get into good relationships. While instant attraction helps, other things are more important.

Still, starting with the looks, how're your fashion sense & posture? Both can go a long way towards making you look more appealing. If you need help on clothing, get a friend with a good fashion sense (women & gay males are more likely to want to help you uot in this department ) to come shopping with you. T-shirt with funny/provocative text might help get people to come and talk to you rather than vice versa. Splurge on an expensive hairdressers and tell them to do something funky. Posture: fake confidence even if you don't feel it, head up & shoulders straight, don't slouch!

Beyond that though, it gets trickier as I don't know what it is you do when you're interested in a girl. In my single days, I found any guy who was very obviously talking to me with the sole intention of 'scoring' a massive turn-off. Someone who seemed genuinely interested in me as a person and whom I shared interests with and could just have a good conversation with would stand a far greater chance than a guy who would try and buy me a drink without even talking to me/ rub up against me on the dancefloor/ talk to the general area of my boobs rather than my face/ come and tell me i looked hot without trying to engage in any kind of normal conversation. Yuck! Any standard cheesy pick up lines are also a no-no. But that's me, and you might not be anything like that when you're interested in a girl - care to enlighten us a little more about your techniques?

McGinty

Hi

Like you I wouldn't be that much in to the club/pub scene, besides it is very difficult to meet people that way, I noted from your post that you put yourself down, okay it is true one should not be big headed but do see what is good about yourself (eyes, smile, hair, whatever) own it and like it, you are who you are, body, face and personality. Before I go on, I am currently using a dating site to meet someone, and the profiles of guys who knock themselves for their looks, or use an awful photo put me off, it is like if they don't like themselves why should I like them, confidence is very, very attractive for both sexes. I remember meeting a very happily married, obese guy he was so smart, intelligent, good fun etc, that I did not notice his size, and if he were single I would have asked him out, his confidence and personalility overshadowed every thing else, it was a shame he was spoken for. Also maybe, it may not work out but it may be worth a try, but you could try an online dating site, just do a google and you'll find loads of them. Good luck

ferdi

CharLit wrote:

Still, starting with the looks, how're your fashion sense & posture? Both can go a long way towards making you look more appealing. If you need help on clothing, get a friend with a good fashion sense (women & gay males are more likely to want to help you uot in this department ) to come shopping with you. T-shirt with funny/provocative text might help get people to come and talk to you rather than vice versa. Splurge on an expensive hairdressers and tell them to do something funky. Posture: fake confidence even if you don't feel it, head up & shoulders straight, don't slouch!

sorry can i just butt in there and pose my own question?

how important are fashion and 'funky' hairstyles to women when it comes to fellas? personally i do not dress in a trendy way nor do i sport a 120euro hairstyle, i could do so but i'd just feel like a stupid sheep buying into all that crap and at the same time i'd feel like an eejit for trying to '"lure a mate" with my plumage - this is just not me. am i a lost cause?

Killaqueen!!!

ferdi wrote:

sorry can i just butt in there and pose my own question?

how important are fashion and 'funky' hairstyles to women when it comes to fellas? personally i do not dress in a trendy way nor do i sport a 120euro hairstyle, i could do so but i'd just feel like a stupid sheep buying into all that crap and at the same time i'd feel like an eejit for trying to '"lure a mate" with my plumage - this is just not me. am i a lost cause?

Well, to be honest, if he is going out to clubs/pubs to meet girls than looks are a good place to start. We all know looks aren't anything, it's personality that counts, blah-de-blah...but if only to build up his confidence, as that's what seems to be part of the issue here.

It's amazing what can be done if a guy puts a bit of gel in his hair, gets a nice shirt and jeans and acts confident (not cocky) when talking to a girl. It's first impressions after all. Then, when he starts chatting to the girl she'll see what a (hopefully) great personality he has

ferdi

ah yeah well in a club (meat market) I guess it is all about the window-dressing.

but any girl who liked me at first glance because if my clothes/hair would not be the girl for me.

CharLit

ferdi wrote:

ah yeah well in a club (meat market) I guess it is all about the window-dressing.

but any girl who liked me at first glance because if my clothes/hair would not be the girl for me.

Ok, now i feel all shallow for what I wrote The OP wanted ideas on how to change his looks though, and wardrobe & hair are a part of that...

I'd say a lot of people have certain preferences/judgements hair & clothes-wise, based on what we think certain styles say about people: before you talk to someone you have nothing to go on but looks. Personally I tend to go for the crusty, arty, long-haired types, and would be less likely to strike up a conversation with someone decked out in a tracksuit and heavy gold chains for instance (or hyper-trendy guys for that matter!). I don't rule out people who don't match my type, but they wouldn't be the first people I'd be drawn to. Don't you have any preferences in that department at all Ferdi, and do you not feel your own clothing says anything about you?

I should have clarified though: the OP (and anyone else) doesn't need to be trendy of course, unless trend's your thing, but it does help to wear clothes that suit you (colouring, shape of your body etc.), same goes for hair. Even more important is looking comfortable/confident in what you're wearing. Furthermore, re. previous paragraph, you can decide what kind of message you want to send with your clothing, depending on what type of person you'd like to attract.

King of Kings

ferdi wrote:

but any girl who liked me at first glance because if my clothes/hair would not be the girl for me.

Sorry but how is the initial attraction going to happen?
She is hardly going to come over and say "Hey there i couldn't help but notice your attractive frontal lobe. Let's mate!":D


good clothes and hair show a sense of pride in a persons appearance. It's a good thing in my book. It shouldn't be WAG - esque either


Looks (including dress etc.) will attract ME but personality will keep me around for the second date

ferdi

King of Kings wrote:

Sorry but how is the initial attraction going to happen?

honest to god i'd say face and smile!

CharLit wrote:

do you not feel your own clothing says anything about you?

maybe they do to other people but without wanting to sound like a gobsh1te, no clothing could even begin to say anything about the wonderful and complex flower that is me :rolleyes:

of course looks are important in this context but all i'm saying is that a persons trendyness does not even come into it for me.

King of Kings

[/QUOTE]honest to god i'd say face and smile![/QUOTE]

true. but the rest will go to compliment the face and hair. it's a whole package rather than 1 or 2 aspects.

Talliesin

An appearance that stands out will get a better response than a similarly attractive appearance that blends into the crowd.

If nothing else you've got an edge if you stand out because you may be recognised from previously in the same evening.

Devil5434

hey man....U shd get a nice hair cut(unique)....clean shave or if u gd luk in a beard den y nt.....tel one of ur girl frnds whos gd in shoppin pick out clothes wid ask her to go shoppin wid u nd she ill help u.....always man smell nice....nd neva eva care wa ppl tink bout u jus live ur life da way u wna live it.....sorry if i ofended u neway but i tink it ill help.

Sangre

If you're not good looking there isn't much you can do to score in a club, they're completely superficial. Clothes and hair help but only slightly, similarly with hair. A lot of people you see scoring there might have been talking in the club or introduced by friends.

Although of course some people get by fine with a great gab on them or they have particularly low standards.