spot the game player?

LegacyUser

In background, I met girl a year ago on a weekend, we got on great and we got intimate with each other. She lives other side of the country so we could only keep in contact via phone, email, texts etc. We have been keeping in contact through these means ever since. This autumn she has moved to Dublin near me as she has started college. We have met up with each other a few times since. Since this summer, the frequency of our contact increased considerably more on her part. Some of her texts in particular were quite heavy saying for example how much of a fantastic bloke she thought i was and how any girl would be so lucky to go out with me etc. Without a doubt flattering.

The problem is one week she'll be contacting me non-stop and the next week little or nothing. Initially I didn't take it to heart since it was next to near impossible to physically meet up with each other but as this has ''hot/cold'' attitude of her has continued over time it has eventually annoyed me. I've always been one to reply to a text, email or missed call ASAP. On one occasion, she didn't reply to 2 emails from me for a week or so. No contact even by text between us during this week. I had a look a her Bebo profile over the week and she was online every day. I phoned her and asked why she wasnt replying and she said her internet had been down all week - I said nothing about her been on Bebo all week to avoid confrontation, I let her away with it but since this i have been suspicious of her.

Since she has moved to Dublin we have met on a couple of occasions. The first time we got on great, agreed to meet again, kept in contact - no harm done, suspicions of her eroded. However her ''hot/cold'' streak has resurrected itself. One week texting me like a rash, next week nothing. I always reply, i'm not a game player and i dont like playing games but I'm only getting the impression that she is playing me. Most of time when i phone her she's distant and i'll get a text after the phone call saying something like sorry i'm in a bad mood so that's why we text mostly. A week before Christmas she contacted me at least twice a day, asking me how I am?, what i'm doing? etc. This week I've texted her asking what's she is doing for xmas, asking her how did xmas go - no reply and again she's on her Bebo regularly so she is alive!

Am i been played along? For someone to take such great interest in me one week and ignore me the next is odd! I liked this girl alot until she started been hot/cold. She knows I like her, I always make an effort, I was the only one of her mates to buy her something on her birthday night! We havent seen enough of each other to develop something ''more'' and frankly her carry on turns me off. Should I confront her on this because i've just about taken the biscuit?! I'm confused!!

Thanks, sorry for length!

easyontheeye

sounds like she aint that bothered with ya, and she only contacts you when it suits her. She probably knows she has you on a string and will come running when she calls, texts emails etc. my advice: move on , forget her, shag someone else.

i hate head wrecking bitches, dont give her the satisfaction.

Tommy O'Cruise

I met an American girl in Belfast like that. She was the most amazing girl when we were together, but when we weren't and I'd try to arrange to meet her, it would be like trying to see the Taoiseach or Angelina Jolie. Never replied.

One day I did call over to her place and they're was another guy with her... Needless to say she was a player. A beautiful player but she had a lot of baggage and it all fitted into place. For example - Her father (some Minister in LA) told her "its easy to love a rich man as a poor man" - so you can guess her mentality, she was keeping all her options open.

My advice is to just move on. Forget her. Met a few more like her and tried to stay friends with some of them. When you dont text/call them, they come calling/texting you. Then when you do all the contacting - they disappear for a week or two.

There are nice and sweeter girls out there. Forget about this one.

As they say in Ireland, you'll not think about her on your wedding day!

Rb

easyontheeye wrote:

sounds like she aint that bothered with ya, and she only contacts you when it suits her. She probably knows she has you on a string and will come running when she calls, texts emails etc. my advice: move on , forget her, shag someone else.

i hate head wrecking bitches, dont give her the satisfaction.

I agree. Shes f*cking with your head and its affecting you, ignore her and move on.

Honestly, invest any more of yourself and you will get hurt, best off leaving it here before she gets the chance to f*ck you over.

Ruu_Old

rb_ie wrote:

I agree. Shes f*cking with your head and its affecting you, ignore her and move on.

Honestly, invest any more of yourself and you will get hurt, best off leaving it here before she gets the chance to f*ck you over.

Agreed, you are tormenting yourself OP. No one wants a one sided relationship and it looks like this is turning out to be one of those. Leave her be, if she wants to move with the relationship then let her do something otherwise, just move on.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies. I will admit i'm tormenting myself. I do think this girl has great qualities to her, she has been a better friend to me than most other people have been to me so that's more why i'm so confused - i know she has a very good side to her but she most definitely has another side where she wrapped up in herself.

I will admit i have been soft and a bit to nice, that's just me - i've been screwed over by so many other people in far more sinister manner than anything she has done so i'm sadly used to these situations.

I have spoken out against her before so she knows i'm no mug. We had a falling out after she invited me to her birthday night. I went along knowing none of her friends, after about half an hour she just got up and left everyone, leaving me with about 10 people i've known for half an hour! I did stand up for myself here and told her she was bang out of order to me, she was very apologetic and realised she was selfish but it appears she hasn't learned anything since that and is lacking something called respect.

She is a jekyl and hyde character if there ever was one. Are most girls like this or is this just normal for women?'

Froot

easyontheeye wrote:

i hate head wrecking bitches, dont give her the satisfaction.

QFT tbh imo mofo.

Q.E.D.

Rb

idontlikegames! wrote:

'Thanks for the replies. I will admit i'm tormenting myself. I do think this girl has great qualities to her, she has been a better friend to me than most other people have been to me so that's more why i'm so confused - i know she has a very good side to her but she most definitely has another side where she wrapped up in herself.

I will admit i have been soft and a bit to nice, that's just me - i've been screwed over by so many other people in far more sinister manner than anything she has done so i'm sadly used to these situations.

I have spoken out against her before so she knows i'm no mug. We had a falling out after she invited me to her birthday night. I went along knowing none of her friends, after about half an hour she just got up and left everyone, leaving me with about 10 people i've known for half an hour! I did stand up for myself here and told her she was bang out of order to me, she was very apologetic and realised she was selfish but it appears she hasn't learned anything since that and is lacking something called respect.

She is a jekyl and hyde character if there ever was one. Are most girls like this or is this just normal for women?'

Its not all women, believe me. In my experience, I've only ever met one girl like the one you're dealing with and I went through something quite similar, absolutely amazing girl, a lot of great qualities to her and at the time was a brilliant friend. But my God did she screw me over. I think I was a bit too nice, got wrapped around her little finger tbh and I was quite naive seeing as noone had screwed me over in the past, let myself get f*cked around (also a lot of hot/cold like what the girl is doing to you) with and then ditched without any warning or explanation.

Though, in my case, the hot/cold only came in later time, for a long time it had just been "hot" I guess, then suddenly this hot/cold started and believe me, it went way downhill from there.

She was also a "jekyl and hyde" character also, could be so nice one day and the next day she'd be an ignorant bítch. Even though I've had a few things end in the past quite badly, this was the only one that ever affected me and was a bit of an eye opener anyway. I do partially blame myself though, even though she was a bit of a bítch to me near the end of it all, I was far too soft and giving and kind of brought it on myself, I didn't demand any respect and I wasn't given any. I've often wondered had I handled certain situations differently, would things have worked out more positively. Real pity they didn't tbh, there was a solid friendship there amongst everything else (until the hot/cold started, queue random petty arguments and the downslide of just about everything), but I'm probably better off for it now.

It was a learning experience to say the least, but an experience you'd be better off not going through so if I were you I really wouldn't go any further with it. Chances are you're in the same boat as I was, a bit of a soft character who she feels she can do whatever she likes to and all will be forgiven, but as a result will never have the respect for you that is required, even for a friendship.

Good luck with it anyway man, hope you jump ship before you give her the opportunity to f*ck you around. Hope my addition to the thread was of some help anyway!

stepbar

Some of her texts in particular were quite heavy saying for example how much of a fantastic bloke she thought i was and how any girl would be so lucky to go out with me etc

Did you not take the hint from that text?

Lou.m

You know what i have noticed all the nice guys end up with all the bad girls and all the nice girls end up with all the bad guys. THey would have us believe that they are sexier because the are bad but really they are just boring and annoying. Poeple like this have a tendency to look for the good partners who will put up with this ****.

I am female so i may have a different perspective to offer, making herself unattainable and making you feel bad is making her feel good i have seen this in other girls before it is nothing to do with you she is just screwed up and this is something which she may even use to control you. Like " OH I AM SO SCREWED UP I NEED A NICE GUY LIKE YOU TO SAVE ME AND PROTECT ME YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL AND NICE I AM SO DELICATE AND WEAK THATS WHY I NEED TO CRUSH YOU AND BUT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND THIS ADORABLE AND YOU WILL WANT TO SAVE ME AND I WILL JUST KEEP TREATING YOU LIKE **** BECAUSE I CAN AND YOU WILL STILL WANT ME "

Or there is the out of sight out of mind syndrome " OH I LOVE YOU BUT I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR NAME SINCE WE LAST TALKED BECAUSE I AM SO GORGEOUS I DO NOT NEED TO REMEMBER THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS"

I know a lot of girls like this and it is all bull**** with them.
IT is terrible because all the nice attractive girls end up with **** ups too!
Horrible people seek good people thats the rule, a terrible person would never put up with another terrible person.
You deserve better you should have a lovely girl who you can treat like a princess safe in the knowledge that she is genuinely going to treat you like a prince.

You seem nice so you deserve to be happy.

By the way dont turn into the Bastard who has had his heart broken and so now is going to hate all women or mess them around to make himself feel better.

Go and find a great, beautiful, sweet and intelligent girl, you deserve one and there are plenty of us around.:p

Rb

Lou.m wrote:

You know what i have noticed all the nice guys end up with all the bad girls and all the nice girls end up with all the bad guys.

You could be on to something there.

Lou.m wrote:

" OH I AM SO SCREWED UP I NEED A NICE GUY LIKE YOU TO SAVE ME AND PROTECT ME YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL AND NICE I AM SO DELICATE AND WEAK THATS WHY I NEED TO CRUSH YOU AND BUT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND THIS ADORABLE AND YOU WILL WANT TO SAVE ME AND I WILL JUST KEEP TREATING YOU LIKE **** BECAUSE I CAN AND YOU WILL STILL WANT ME "

Sums it up quite well I think.

Lou.m wrote:

By the way dont turn into the Bastard who has had his heart broken and so now is going to hate all women or mess them around to make himself feel better.

I agree, OP, though it may be tempting to, don't let this experience affect your behaviour in the future. Also It may seem like a good idea to go out and mess another girl around as some sort of revenge against women in general, but it actually just feels like crap once you reflect on it. (tbh, its the first thing I went out and did and I know I know, I'm a bastard for doing so but hey, at least I regret it.).

LegacyUser

'Hi, I'm going to update you on what has happened in the 5 or so weeks since.

New year came and finally there was contact from her wishing me HNY etc. I responded wishing her a HNY too and i told here i was surprised that she didn't keep in contact over xmas, she said she forgot to respond yet 3/4 weeks earlier she was in the frame of mind to contact me everyday??? I reluctantly let her off again and her texts seemed quite cold and she didn't reply to questions i'd ask her, I'm losing interest now.
No contact for a week or so, she texts I'm not bothered now even to respond. Sick of not knowing what exactly is going on I call her. I said to her I don't get the impression that she really wants to keep in contact me and I mention how she's hot and cold, she says she's busy just forget etc. and not very convincing - at this stage she is 2 weeks back in Dublin for college and we havent met after she saying before xmas we'll meet up when she gets back.
A bit of texting and so on and I ask her when we are going to meet up, she says she has a hectic week in college coming up. I say to her if she finds time to let me know. I hear nothing and I ask am I going to see you this week. She says again she's busy with college, hectic etc. - can't make time, I pay a visit to my friend called Bebo and things get interesting....
So this week (yes the week she's hectic with college work), I check her profile and I see her saying to someone how she was drunk on Monday, going out on Tuesday, clubbing on Wednesday, going to another city for more drinking on Thursday......
She completely lied to me. This was her 4th week back in Dublin and no effort was made to see me in any of these weeks. If someone has made plans thats fine by me but 1) to sinisterly lie to me and 2) she never made contact with me over the whole of this week to even suggest about meeting up the next was the end of the end for me.
I texted her. I forwarded her ''so sorry I'm so busy'' message and said about her Bebo, her not responding to my email when she said her internet was down yet she had been on the internet and about her birthday night when left me with a bunch of strangers. I also told her what I thought of her. She responded in bitchy manner saying something about me not knowing her without disputing anything I said...... I caught her red handed and she proved that she did manipulate me.

Well, you guys who responded to this thread were completely right. I did sort of know she was using me but unfortunately I am too soft and give people to many chances and I've learned the hard way now. I feel used, I treated this girl so well. I was the only one to buy her something on her birthday night, i offered her a free ticket to a couple of gigs, i gave her load of helpful advice for her leaving cert and starting college, i always made an effort and treated her with respect and this is what i get in return. Just a year ago some of my friends were bitching and insulting this girl over her physical appearance behind her back. I stuck up for her and my friends turned it all against me and I lost most of my friends over it (she knew nothing about this btw) so this makes it an even bigger sickener that it turns out she was no better than them.

Sorry I know this is turning into a bit of a rant but I'm at the stage where I cant trust people now, it seems everyone who i make friends with or get close to screws me in the end and it's disheartening. I've learned now that i can never be soft again, i have great respect for myself and that's why i told her where to go but I'm going have to find some balance between been myself and very streetwise with people, its not going to be easy.

Thanks again for your help, pity i didn't act on it sooner. I really wish i could unveil my real boards identity but if i'm at a beers i'll buy whoever i meet of you a pint, especially you rb_ie you make alot of sense as I can relate to what you say

Cheers and hopefully things will only get better! '

Rb

idontlikegames! wrote:

'Hi, I'm going to update you on what has happened in the 5 or so weeks since.

New year came and finally there was contact from her wishing me HNY etc. I responded wishing her a HNY too and i told here i was surprised that she didn't keep in contact over xmas, she said she forgot to respond yet 3/4 weeks earlier she was in the frame of mind to contact me everyday??? I reluctantly let her off again and her texts seemed quite cold and she didn't reply to questions i'd ask her, I'm losing interest now.
No contact for a week or so, she texts I'm not bothered now even to respond. Sick of not knowing what exactly is going on I call her. I said to her I don't get the impression that she really wants to keep in contact me and I mention how she's hot and cold, she says she's busy just forget etc. and not very convincing - at this stage she is 2 weeks back in Dublin for college and we havent met after she saying before xmas we'll meet up when she gets back.
A bit of texting and so on and I ask her when we are going to meet up, she says she has a hectic week in college coming up. I say to her if she finds time to let me know. I hear nothing and I ask am I going to see you this week. She says again she's busy with college, hectic etc. - can't make time, I pay a visit to my friend called Bebo and things get interesting....
So this week (yes the week she's hectic with college work), I check her profile and I see her saying to someone how she was drunk on Monday, going out on Tuesday, clubbing on Wednesday, going to another city for more drinking on Thursday......
She completely lied to me. This was her 4th week back in Dublin and no effort was made to see me in any of these weeks. If someone has made plans thats fine by me but 1) to sinisterly lie to me and 2) she never made contact with me over the whole of this week to even suggest about meeting up the next was the end of the end for me.
I texted her. I forwarded her ''so sorry I'm so busy'' message and said about her Bebo, her not responding to my email when she said her internet was down yet she had been on the internet and about her birthday night when left me with a bunch of strangers. I also told her what I thought of her. She responded in bitchy manner saying something about me not knowing her without disputing anything I said...... I caught her red handed and she proved that she did manipulate me.

Well, you guys who responded to this thread were completely right. I did sort of know she was using me but unfortunately I am too soft and give people to many chances and I've learned the hard way now. I feel used, I treated this girl so well. I was the only one to buy her something on her birthday night, i offered her a free ticket to a couple of gigs, i gave her load of helpful advice for her leaving cert and starting college, i always made an effort and treated her with respect and this is what i get in return. Just a year ago some of my friends were bitching and insulting this girl over her physical appearance behind her back. I stuck up for her and my friends turned it all against me and I lost most of my friends over it (she knew nothing about this btw) so this makes it an even bigger sickener that it turns out she was no better than them.

Sorry I know this is turning into a bit of a rant but I'm at the stage where I cant trust people now, it seems everyone who i make friends with or get close to screws me in the end and it's disheartening. I've learned now that i can never be soft again, i have great respect for myself and that's why i told her where to go but I'm going have to find some balance between been myself and very streetwise with people, its not going to be easy.

Don't worry about it man, these things happen. Just chalk it down as a learning experience and move on with things, because if theres one things that obvious its that she (or any other girl who behaves like that) isn't worth it, despite what we may think at the time (or how we see them through "rose coloured glasses"/put them on a pedastool).

Regarding the "never being soft again" comment, well, of course you can be, but there has to be a balance. You have to demand and get respect, while at the same time having a sensitive side, afterall noone likes a cold-hearted b*stard 24/7 but without mutual and equal respect for one another, it won't be a healthy relationship (I think anyway). Just never let yourself be walked over again, and ensure in the future that an equal amount of effort is being put in by both sides.

idontlikegames wrote:

Thanks again for your help, pity i didn't act on it sooner. I really wish i could unveil my real boards identity but if i'm at a beers i'll buy whoever i meet of you a pint, especially you rb_ie you make alot of sense as I can relate to what you say

Cheers and hopefully things will only get better! '

No worries, its hard to go against your heart I suppose, despite what others may tell you so you can't be blamed, I'm sure we've all done it plenty of times. Might see you at the April beers so!

Good luck !(and they will get better).

Caliden

Wow sounds like a real head****. At least you learned a very valuable lesson.
Hopefully you can patch things up with your friends about it, an apology on your part wouldnt go amiss I'd say.

Nevyn

If you don't like the game don't play.

TCollins

You should grow up. Different people act different ways. So she doesnt feel like revealing her whole life to you, so what? Is she not entitled to privacy? Are you married to her? Are you even her boyfriend?

After reading this thread i can see the beginnings of a stalker here.
Very scary indeed.

OP - Read back over your posts. You need therapy, not advice on here. Its her life, let her include you if she wants and take a hint and step back when she doesnt want you around.

LundiMardi

TCollins wrote:

You should grow up. Different people act different ways. So she doesnt feel like revealing her whole life to you, so what? Is she not entitled to privacy? Are you married to her? Are you even her boyfriend?

After reading this thread i can see the beginnings of a stalker here.
Very scary indeed.

OP - Read back over your posts. You need therapy, not advice on here. Its her life, let her include you if she wants and take a hint and step back when she doesnt want you around.

Cop on man. If you think this is normal behaviour on her part then it's you who may need therapy.

The OP is just a guy who gave a girl the benefit of the doubt. Nothing more, nothing less.

LegacyUser

TCollins wrote:

You should grow up. Different people act different ways. So she doesnt feel like revealing her whole life to you, so what? Is she not entitled to privacy? Are you married to her? Are you even her boyfriend?

After reading this thread i can see the beginnings of a stalker here.
Very scary indeed.

OP - Read back over your posts. You need therapy, not advice on here. Its her life, let her include you if she wants and take a hint and step back when she doesnt want you around.

Therapy? Stalker? You're having a laugh aren't ya?

Have you read a word I said? This girl used me, lied to me and manipulated me and it's my problem?
If I said I had all these suspicions about her without having any proof then I'd probably be called paranoid, thankfully my ''paranoia'' if you want to call it that has proven to be true and just. Call looking at her Bebo page ''stalking'' if you want, the fact is it's proven to be a tool that will prevent me from been further hurt and used is only a good thing, i'm looking out for myself here if have to resort to that i will. Even still having good enough evidence that she was pissing me about I gave her chance after chance, I won't argue if you say that's my fault for soft, or naive or whatever but I fail to see what more I could have done to be a gorwn up mature decent person here unlike her.

TCollins

LundiMardi wrote:

Cop on man. If you think this is normal behaviour on her part then it's you who may need therapy.

The OP is just a guy who gave a girl the benefit of the doubt. Nothing more, nothing less.

The OP is obsessed with the poor girl. If she doesnt feel like texting you and it nothers you walk away. Stalking over the internet isnt much different to hanging around at the corner of her road. How long til this happens?

Caliden

So you're saying its ok for a girl to play mindgames with you and **** about with your feelings?
What she did was cruel and sadistic, the sad fact was she probably enjoyed leaving him out in the cold most of the time playing the whole hard to get bollox.

Rb

Tcollins: Quit the internet.

Red Hand

Caliden wrote:

So you're saying its ok for a girl to play mindgames with you and **** about with your feelings?
What she did was cruel and sadistic, the sad fact was she probably enjoyed leaving him out in the cold most of the time playing the whole hard to get bollox.

QFT. Chin up OP, you'll find someone that deserves you.:)

MrPillowTalk

Dude, get a life, stop stalking this girl.

hobochris

Lou.m wrote:

By the way dont turn into the Bastard who has had his heart broken and so now is going to hate all women or mess them around to make himself feel better.

Go and find a great, beautiful, sweet and intelligent girl, you deserve one and there are plenty of us around.:p

Thats some good advice... I had a simular thing happen to me... and i have slowly become that black hearted bastard... Im on the road to recovery from that now but i destroyed alot of relationships and took a few people down with me..something i regret... definatly wasnt worth it over some girl...

ive learned that at the start theres a kind of balance you have to get in which you can invest your in the relationship and also protecting yourself... that is until you get to know each other...