She loves me but...

LegacyUser

I just want peolpe's opinions on this issue-I'm a bit confused so please bear with me!

Ok nearly 18 months ago I got together with my best friend, a girl who I'd known for a year or so and who I'd always fancied.
Anyway I had already decided to go to Oz for they year so we were together for around 4months in all-we tried to not get too involved as we both knew I was going away but tbh things got serious pretty quickly!

Anyway I went to Oz and we stayed in touch over the year but we finished things before I went so we were both free to meet other people-we never agreed to meet up when we got bck, just see how things were on my return.

Anyway when I got back she was with someone else-I was still in love with her but kept my fellings in check.Eventually she split up with him and over the space of 3 months we ended up snogging each other maybe 2/3 Sat nights we were out-Although I always ended up going back to hers we never had sex, just spent the night talking,wrapped up in each other's arms!

She always said she didn't want things to get too serious, whereas I wanted nothing more than to get in a proper relationship.I had a major chat with her a few weeks ago and she agreed to let things progress more naturally which meant we spent more time together-it was great for a few weeks and then one night after a date to the cinema we went back to hers as per norm but this time we had sex-physically it was fine but for a few days after she was a bit off-not texting back or whatever.

The next night I met her she said she regretted having sex-she said she felt weird after it and a bit detached.She says this show her that she doesn't love me as much as I love her and she wanted to finish things before we got hurt!

I was gutted but the bottom line according to her was she didn't love me as much as I love her-she says this was brought home by the way she felt after we had sex.

What I need to know is can you judge the way you feel about someone by the way you feel after sex-I just thought she felt weird cos we had been friends for so long and the first time we got to that level of intimacy, it might be a bit strange.

She says she "loves" me-When I asked her to define this she said she cares for me, the first things she does when she walks into a crowded room is look for me, she says she loves spending time with me and when I arrive in the same room she immediately feels relaxed and secure!

Is she placing too much emphasis on how she felt that night cos as far as I can see, she loves me, or am I grasping at straws and should i leave her time/space to sort her head out!
Maybe she doesn't love me after all and that's the bottom line...

Jotter

no imo you cant judge how you feel about someone based soley on sex but it does sound like she has been thinking about her feelings and maybe she really really likes you "loves" you but the chemistry isnt there. This is no reflection on you or how you are in the sack it could just be one of those unfortunate situations where its all good on the surface but theres no spark - and if theres no spark for her then it will never work - give her some space and see what happens.......best of luck with it!

Caliden

I would say back off for a bit and let her decide for herself what she wants to do. TBH if she really loved you she wouldnt have regretted having sex with you.
If she says she doesn't feel the same way about you then maybe it is time to move on and just remain good friends.

Tarakiwa

A bit of space might bring things into perspective for both of you.

Let her go ....... if she loves you then she will quickly realise & come back.

Let her know that you are giving her space so that if she wants to come back she will know that you will be receptive ....... sometimes admitting your mistake & going back is a very difficult thing to do so you want to make it as easy as possible.

Meanwhile - I dont think that you should be putting your life on hold. You need to be ready to move on if she does!

Botswana

She sounds very confused, but I don't think she's a lost cause either.

I think the best way to handle things is to back off. Contact her less, and let her know you won't always be there for her. At the moment you're probably in the "lovely guy" zone, so you want to get out of that as quick as possible. If she thinks she can have your attention and love and support and give nothing in return, then you're ****ed.

So if I were you (and I know this is difficult) I'd back away, and spend more time with my friends. This means that if you'd normally go out with her on Friday nights, tell her you can't this week as you're going to a party.

It's silly, and it's kind of game playing, but nothing gets a girl more interested in a guy than a bit of jealousy and loss of control...

Good luck!

Chinafoot

Ah man, don't play games. She hasn't played games with you so why do it to her? It sounds like she's very confused and to her credit she was very honest with you about her feelings.

She may have been doubting her feelings and perhaps the way she felt after sex was the last straw for her? Maybe for her it just didn't feel right. Be thankful that she had the courage and respect for you to tell you before things went further.

You should definitely give her some space. Making the move from best friends to something more can often be difficult, particularly when it becomes physical. That being said, don't ignore her or anything. She was your best friend and she sounds like she's trying to maintain that friendship by knocking things on the head now.

As much as it may hurt, try to maintain your friendship with her. Chances are she does love you, she's just not in love with you. Maybe things could change down the line but until then, as others have said, don't put your life on hold.

Best of luck.

im_invisible

hey man, at least you gave it a try. i kinda fell in love with a best friend of mine a few years ago, but never tried anything because i wasnt sure if she felt the same way, havnt talked to her in ages.
give her a bit of space (well, give yourself a bit of space moreso) and be honest with her, seeing as she was with you

'its better to have loved and blah blah blah....'