To what extent is your child "yours"?

JC 2K3

Basically, if you give birth to or father a child how much freedom do you have in relation to raising them however you like? A child can be conditioned into being almost anything their parents want them to be. But should there be restrictions on this? You can't smack children because it's peceived to be inhumane these days, but others would argue that imposing a religion on a child is inhumane, or indeed forcing a child to do anything(sport, music etc.)

Essentially, my question is how much power should a parent hold to raise a child as they see fit as opposed to raising them in an objective, liberal way or a way perceived by the society they are born into to be right?

PoleStar

Very interesting point and will raise many interesting discussions.

I think it is best summed up in the phrase:-

"...you need a licence to have a dog but you don't need a licence to have a baby."!!!

silverharp

JC 2K3 wrote:

but others would argue that imposing a religion on a child is inhumane, or indeed forcing a child to do anything(sport, music etc.)

Essentially, my question is how much power should a parent hold to raise a child as they see fit as opposed to raising them in an objective, liberal way or a way perceived by the society they are born into to be right?

the responsibility to raise kids has to be with the parents, situations where responsibility is deemed tobe off loaded on to the state should be kept to a minimum. To the extent that a kids choices in life are shaped by the family it's born into is a simple fact. Part of becoming an adult is making choices to follow or ditch the values etc you were brought up with.

Sangre

You are allowed to smack your kids.

JC 2K3

Am I thinking of Britain or something?

philologos

I think its only proper to teach children about religions even if only to promote religious tolerance.

Nevyn

You can teach your children anything you want to and rear them in any fashion you wish.

The rights of parent as the first and fundemental teacher of children is enshrined in the consitution.
You can even home school them as long as they pass the assements.

Hagar

A child is never "yours".

At best you have the onerous privilege of nuturing another human to maturity. At worst it's a life to ruin by passing on your prejudices, frustrations and unhappiness. Raising a child is the most rewarding thing you could ever attempt. If you do it well you will live forever.

Mother nature thought she was being clever letting the young have children when they still had the vigour to raise them, she forgot the young are naught but older children.

All children are special needs.

My 2c.

Nevyn

Very true,
we teach our children to walk so that some day they will walk away to lives of thier own and the rest of thier time with us we have to prepare them for that day.

Asiaprod

Hagar wrote:

A child is never "yours".

At best you have the onerous privilege of nuturing another human to maturity. At worst it's a life to ruin by passing on your prejudices, frustrations and unhappiness. Raising a child is the most rewarding thing you could ever attempt. If you do it well you will live forever.

Nice post, I agree with all.

Shellie13

anothoer thing when do you lose the right to "teach" your child or whatever?!
Like its rare people will critisie a parent for encouraging an 8 year old, say, to play piano.-perhaps thery're giving the opppertunities and will thank them later! But dragging an independandly minded 15 year old along to lessons is another story...

When is this line crossed...and it varies on different issues!
When does guidance and instilling of values become forcing your opinions down a childs throat or molding them into a clone of your own ideals?!

Ickle Magoo

I think it all boils down to your definition of parenting...

Some see parenting as guiding a child to their own thoughts, beliefs, goals, etc and others see parenting as an opportunity for their offspring to carry on thoughts, beliefs, goals, etc on behalf of the parents.

How much influence should parents have? How long is a piece of string? The same parental practices will be deemed to have a negative impact by some & a wholly positive influence by others - who judges the relavance or impact of parenting decisions? I think most things regarding parenting are judged in hindsight and so to judge what people should be doing for the best at a particular age as it happens, is not easy. No two children are the same, no two parents are the same. What works for one may not work for another.

There are certain parenting practices I feel strongly about yet I'm know there are things I do as a parent that others disaprove of - either through their religious beliefs, up-bringing, generational differences, etc, etc. At the end of a day a parent only has a percentage input into a childs life. There comes a day when every child can pack a bag, move out & start making their own judgements & choices regardless of what their parents advocate/d. Parents can only do their best as they see fit.

Dontico

i think its the parents responsibility to raise thier child in a proper fashon out lined by the government.
as in, child must tend school, child must go through any medical proceedure advised by a docture despite parents religion, no molesting children, no beating children, if the child is not able to vote they are not able to have a religion and no unnessecary cosmetic surgery fot under 18 years olds.

iguana

Dontico wrote:

i think its the parents responsibility to raise thier child in a proper fashon out lined by the government.
as in, child must tend school, child must go through any medical proceedure advised by a docture despite parents religion, no molesting children, no beating children, if the child is not able to vote they are not able to have a religion and no unnessecary cosmetic surgery fot under 18 years olds.

And what makes you think that any government is worthy of that responsibility?

Beruthiel

Once again I get to quote Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor remains with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with his might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Dontico

iguana wrote:

And what makes you think that any government is worthy of that responsibility?

why do we have laws, a legal system, health care and education then? lets do away with society and try to govern ourselves?

Sangre

iguana wrote:

And what makes you think that any government is worthy of that responsibility?

Because we democratically voted them in for that purpose?

Boston

I've very little faith in doctors, so why should I be blindly forced to follow any and all medical directives.

tj-music.com

Thaedydal wrote:

Very true,
we teach our children to walk so that some day they will walk away to lives of thier own and the rest of thier time with us we have to prepare them for that day.

Well said, I am a big fan to my mothers teachings yet think that we all shold question our parents ways to a certain extend as conditioning often means a certain view on things that isn´t necessarily our own.

My mum for instance was a very open minded woman yet she always said things like: "You don´t take an animal over a Human" or something along those lines and I personally think that animals should not be seen as lower as a human being but as equals.

Sam Vimes

tj-music.com wrote:

My mum for instance was a very open minded woman yet she always said things like: "You don´t take an animal over a Human" or something along those lines and I personally think that animals should not be seen as lower as a human being but as equals.

but still, if a man was walking his dog across the street and a car was coming for him, i'd push him out of the way before going for the dog

Dontico

Boston wrote:

I've very little faith in doctors, so why should I be blindly forced to follow any and all medical directives.

i'll make an example were what a doctor says should be followed over what the parent says.


when we were all born, as children are, we get on the day of our birth, something which is called a thumb prick test. this tests you for about 21 diseases that can only be stoped with in a few days of a childs birth. however it goes against some parents religion, so they dont allow thier children to have it. so thier children die.

there are other situations like that. blood transfusions, organ transplants, emergancy reconstructive plastic sugery.