I don't "do" christmas

LegacyUser

Over the past few years I have become more and more disinterested in Christmas and the whole Christian thing. I was brought up as a Roman Catholic but have completely given up on that along time ago.

I tend to go away for the Christmas with my missus so I don't generally see my family. This year I made no attempt to meet up with them coming for dinner or anything as I don't see the point as Christmas is meaningless to me.

The thing is some of my family have taken exception to this and have left the onus on me to contact them and come out to visit them in their house's instead of them coming to see me. The not visiting thing tends to be an all year round affair, none of them seem to want to come to my house even though I have dropped hints and invites.

How do I tell my family that I'm no "doing" Christmas anymore and that I'm sick of the fact that they expect me to do all the running around all the time.

Beruthiel

Ba Humbug wrote:

The not visiting thing tends to be an all year round affair, none of them seem to want to come to my house even though I have dropped hints and invites.

Can you confirm that during the course of the year you go to their house?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

Can you confirm that during the course of the year you go to their house?

Yes, the odd time. When my mum recently asked why I hadn't been over in a while I asked her what was wrong with her visiting me, she just changed the subject quickly and didn't answer.

Nalz

Hold the phone!

For alot of people Christmas has very little if nothing got to do with religion. I too was brought up a Roman Catholic, and was extremely religious for a young guy of my time up until I was about 19 or 20. I firmly still believe however that the whole idea of being a decent loving person (which is the message that Bible was really trying to get out) in life is the way to go. As I suspect so do you.

I know that you are thinking Christmas means nothing to you and why should I treat this time of year differently. Well, the fact of the matter is that its tradition, and it means alot to your loved ones, and its a nice time of the year to be that little bit more social, giving and honest. Why not just enjoy the moment? Surely if you have loved ones, mates and conpanions that mean something to you, and a certain time of the year that means something to them thats innocent and is actually enjoyable...then whats the harm?

Join in, be happy. There are millions around the world that would do anything for a happy, comfortable Christmas and cant.

As for the family asking you to do "all the running", surely its as simple as sitting them down and having a quiet honest civil discussion about it. What other way can it be solved?

Talliesin

Christmas is completely meaningless to me as a religious holiday and pretty meaningless as a secular one.

However it is meaningful to some, including some very dear to me as a religious holiday, a secular holiday or both.

It's a time when I have some time off work.

It's a time when lots of people I know have time off work.

It's a time when there are parties due to the above fact.

It's a time when people that don't often have a chance to meet up with loved ones during the year do have such a chance.

Christmas being meaningless to me isn't going to change the above and likewise with you.

Unless its meaningful to you in a negative ways (e.g. you're of a religious view actively opposed to the holiday, such as Jehovah's Witness) there's no point ignoring what it means to others.

Beruthiel

I would have to say that I would feel pretty much exactly as Talliesin does.

justsomebloke

I would have to agree with Talliesin, you seem to be disenchanted with the whole religous side of christmas however for a lot of people the real meaning of christmas is about being with family and friends as oppose to any religious significance and your family maybe the same. so for you to ignore them at this point of year maybe a sign to them that you don't really count yourself as part of the family and the rest of your family may take exception to this

is_that_so

Up until a few years I had a very negative attitude to it as well. Contact with lots of nephews, nieces etc changed all that. I can see the excitement of it and I can also understand the importance of religious element of it to some. Even though I don't really do it myself and see it as a couple of days off I try to use that time to catch up with people and especially family.

Piste

I would suggest that instead of dropping hints and suggestions, actively organise something, like ring up your parents/relatives with an exact time and date for dinner at your house and just be very welcoming to them when they come over, good way to get back into their good books, and it's very hard to refuse a direct invitation (especially from relatives) who obviously do want to see you and spend time with you if theyre complaining about you not visiting them.

Another thing you could do if you have any young brothers or sisters, or nieces, nephews, cousins, friends with young children, is to invite them and their parents over maybe Stephen's day, even if the adults have become a bit jaded with the thought of Christmas seeing a child delighted with his or her new toy that santa brought them will put everyone in a Christmassy mood, and even pretending in the whole santa thin for the kids is a great way to make everyone feel in the Christmas spirit.

Victor

Invite them over for New Year's. For lunch!

condra

im an atheist and i love christmas. especially since my sister gave birth to my first neice 3 years ago.

i can understand why some people love christmas as much as some people hating it.

What is annoying is grinches ruining the christmas buzz for everyone else. Equally annoying of course is cheery merry festive folk giving grinches a hard time.

however if you dont like christmas you are in the minority, and just for a few days each year, I dont see why you should not try to accomadate other people around you, most of whom will be on a festive buzz.

for most adults its just a bit of a piss up and a chance to catch up with family and perhaps do a bit of reflection.
for kids its obviously a very special time, and it would be pretty cruel to take that away from any kid, on purpose or otherwise.

aidan24326

Would agree with talliesin also.

You say "Christmas is meaningless to me" , now fair enough it doesn't hold alot of meaning for me either. But you must remember that it does to people who you are close to. You don't have to go mad on the whole thing like some people do, but cutting yourself off and bluntly declaring 'I don't do Christmas' is a bit of a grumpy unsociable attitude don't don't you think? There's really no need to be like that about it. And trust me, I'm no great fan of the whole thing either. The religious angle is irrelevant if that doesn't matter to you, it is a winter festival and a family celebration with or without any religious context.

daiixi

Christmas to me means holidays and presents and hanging out with my family eating and drinking lots. However Christmas to my family means much more because they are religious so I keep quiet and hang out with them. Really doesn't hurt me any and keeps them happy!