Damn. I think I suffer from depression.

LegacyUser

I'm a male in my early 30's and have finally come to belive that I probably suffer from depression. I had some tough times in the last 18 months and can see that my reaction has robbed me of a bit of myself. Through seeing this I am looking back over the rest of my life and realising that there is a trend and that quite simply I wish to do something about it. I feel I build traps for myself, suffer the weight of long periods of feeling low and can have incredible mood swings where I can go from feeling like nearly everything is crap, useless and failing, to then feeling like I'm king of the world in the space of an hour for no apparent reason. MY GP has also strongly suggested in the past one time when I was sick she beleived it may have been a serious bout of depression. Yet despite this and other episodes I've really taken it as serious as I maybe should, although I have done consuelling for adults that had traumatic childhoods. I've done some on line research and at aware.ie and I defintiely fit alot of the criteria for the symptoms of depression. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal or anything and without really being concious of it I think I've created ways of dealing with it and still having a full, creative and productive life but when I think of myself being free of having to deal with incredibly negative feelings I think of myself as being, if not happy, certainly far more content and able to use my life in a better way to improve and progress myself. I can't say just how much I want that. It's like I've had to become very strong and positive to get through life but that sometimes things turn and suddenly there is a load on my back and a veil over my eyes that has a big impact on my life that is too much too shake off.

I'm lucky to have a talent that I really, really love and feel that I should base my life around as it means so much to me, it's what I want to do far above anything else. But somehow I just let myself down everytime. I become convinced that it's not worth it and the smallest set back can see me recoiling in despair rather than soldiering on and making things better. It's like I can live and die in a single day or action. It's too much and I think that over time it's dragging me down and making me unhappy in a big way. It's like my own mind is robbing me of my potential happiness. Crazy.

I'm well aware that depression is very common and something we all feel sometimes and I'd love to hear from anyone who has been through treatment of any type from counselling to cognitive to medication to alternative. I have always been anti-medication for this kind of thing. Am I wrong to think that?
Thanks in advance for any replies.

spurious

I haven't suffered from depression myself (so far) but I have friends who have.
I wouldn't write off the medication route completely. Sometimes for short periods at low doses it helps.

Good luck whatever happens - could be any of us at any time - that's the frightening thing about depression.

mrsmagoo

Well you're half way to your recovery... You recognise that you suffer from depression.

Once you admit it then you can try fix it. Didn't get to read all of your post! but from what I gather you are very reluctant to admit it.

Anyway, just deal with it in the way that you think is right. You would not believe how many people in Ireland today suffer from depression. Try about half of the population (at some time or other).

My friend worked in our local chemist and was shocked to see who was coming in for anti-depressants. She reckoned half of our area was on them. No stigma attached .. only your own. It's a very private, personal thing.

Another friend was on anti-depressants after breaking up with her boyfriend. She wouldn't have gotten through it only for them.

And then there's me. I started on anti depressants at 16. They made me a hell of a lot better. I got to live my life.
(Later on they realised that giving happy pills to someone who also gets over happy wasn't the best idea.. so I take Lithium now.. They diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder. I am completely 'normal'.. only that I take tablets at night.. but you wouldn't know that.. would you!

If you want to get better you can. It's your life. Choose to be happy.. choose to be sad. It's your decision. Try the tablets. I guarantee you you will see a difference.
Good luck and Happy Christmas.

Lust4Life

Realizing that you have this issue and want to fix it is a huge positive step forward!

My hubby suffers from the same thing and refuses to see a doctor about it.
I'm about to the end of my rope.

Please, for the sake of those you love, try the medication.
It may or may not be a lifetime thing. Maybe just being on the medication for a few months will re-set your chemical balance.

I wish you luck. Let us know how it turns out, okay?

Hugs,

L

lemon_of_old

I was also quite reluctant to start popping pills for something I half thought could simply be a figment of my imagination, or a rough patch that I could see myself through in time. But it wasn't and I couldn't. I aked my GP what I should do. She matter of factly told me that i had all the symptoms of being depressed, but everything was going to be fine. It's like other illnesses - treatable. I think because there aren't any physical symptoms, and you can't simply disinfect the wound and bandage it tightly, it's easy to feel like you're the only person who lives in this "veiled" world (to use your own description). But you're not. The medication will not "cure" you. It will help you lift to veil, and allow you to see everything more clearly. It will allow you to get up every morning and feel like a human being every day. But more importantly, it will allows you to tackle the underlying issues, through counselling or whatever route you choose to take. I feel it helped me to help myself.

Good luck!

carpenoctem

Thinking4change, my younger sister suffers from depression, and before she was diagnosed I would have felt like you, that medication was not the way to go. However, since she started treatment my opinion on this has changed.

Clinical depression is, as you may or may not know, caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals, which makes it's very hard for a person who suffers from depression to reach even a normal level of "happiness". Medication will help regulate this, and once you feel happier you will be able to respond better to councelling and other types of treatments. To me, the councelling is the key - make sure you get someone good to talk to, someone you can trust and feel comfortable sharing with. My sister went thrugh 5 different councellors before she found someone she was happy with, there was nothing wrong with the others she just didn't feel completely comfortable with them. Being brave enough to say something if you find the first one doesn't suit you can be hard, but believe me you will get next to nowhere if you don't have someone professional to talk to who you feel completely at ease with!

Also, don't expect to quickly find a "root cause" for your depression. Since it's a clinical illness, there mightn't be any one root cause. Councelling sessions should be treated as a place where you can vent, find yourself and learn to deal with your feelings rather than somewhere you will magically find answers to everything. (The answers you can get will probably come one you deal with everything else though).

Good luck, and as everyone said admitting to having depression is the first big step, and once you have looked for help everything else should come together.

If you're finding it hard to look for help from a GP or if you find that your GP does not give you the help you would like (this happens a lot, most doctors are far too happy to throw you a few pills and hope for the best, unfortunately), or even just for extra support, I would recommend contacting Aware, http://www.aware.ie. They run support groups and if there's one near you you might find them helpful - it is often good to know that you're not the only one feeling like you do. (Because, let's face it, those of us who never had to deal with depression have an annoying tendency to throw in unhelful phrases such as "cheer up, it's not that bad" when faced with those issues).

Kell

Thinking4change wrote:

But somehow I just let myself down everytime.

Seems to be the knub of the problem just there. I know it sounds waaay simplistic, but you have got to try and accept yourself as you are and when you use your talent, dont be critical of yourself. The letting yourself down business is self-sabotage and may be indicative of an overly critical parent or other important influence in your life. If you have someone elses voice in your head telling you that you suck, then your sub-conscious believes that your not capable of success though your conscious brain knows that you are.

If my assumption is correct, the way to deal with it is as I have said- revel in being able to do something and if it goes tits up, well hey, it happens. Every genius has to have a day off and its likley that whatever you critiscise yourself for someone else will praise.

Have you had one on one counselling with a therapist yet?

K-