getting over the past. please help.

LegacyUser

So basically my gf and i broke up 10 weeks ago now. Its for the best, for both of us. But theres sometimes i get really down and start missing her like crazy. she has a bebo page and I didnt look at in 6 weeks and I had a glimpse there and there she was with some other guy (she's not going out with him i think but still, im a bit upset that she got over me this quickly.)
I know i should have not looked at the page but i was missing her and i dod. I did not see her since we broke up and even that was messy, it happened by phone and stuff. my family have been great and im back training after a bit of a bout with depression but i just want to know how i can make this easier? Do you feel like **** forever? does it go away? The thought of her and some other guy boils my blood as we were together nearly 4 years and the break up was unexpected in its fashion and we have not spoken since. I have stayed out of town to avboid meeting her and just remained in my own little bubble in college, catching up with friends. And now xmas is here and it is sooo miserable! I just want it to come and pass. Do i text her happy xmas and new year or what? what do people do in this situation? we were madly in love but it was an unhealthy relationship, very controlling and my family and friends are delighted that i seem to be getting back to my old self again but sometimes it just does not feel like that as when you spend so long with someone you grow so attached to them...it was a very very serious and intense relationship. I know this is for the best, i even sought professional help at the lowest points in the past few weeks but I just want to know what to expect? I realise i am asking a lot but you guys on here have experience and this is not the first time i have sought advice here so please can you help me out or something? the thought of going out with another girl at the moment is just not for me and i really do not know what to do to fully get over her....please any help is greatly appreciated, i do not want to fall into the blues trap again. There's only so much training, study and hobbies you can do as well as hanging out with friends before you start to think of her and ''i wonder what she's at etc''...please. cheers and happy xmas.

Slutmonkey57b

Wasn't this posted before recently? I smell a troll.

If it isn't a troll: Bebo is for losers, stay off it, it won't do you any favours. And this is the proof.

Ruu_Old

OP, you are tormenting yourself here. You found out that she was going with someone else, thats her business and you don't have to worry about it anymore, tell yourself that. There is no reason you have to go out looking for another girl, just go with the flow of things. Do not contact her, get on with things with your other friends and family and have a smashing Christmas. Remember those who were there for you.

Black Swan

Be with family and friends for the holidays. Stop looking for her, cause it's over. After the new year, get involved in your course of studies and join a SOC or two to meet new girls. In other words, move on.

LegacyUser

hey, this is not a troll. yeah, a couple of weeks ago i came on here and expressed how i was feeling due to the sudden break up. so the story may sound familiar. thanks for your replies.

Mighty_Mouse

Everyone gets their heart broken at some stage.

Its tough but its part of life. Just get on with it. Other people recover and live through it just fine. Why dont you do the same?

Also take your time man. 10weeks is nothing. Will prob take the guts of a year to recover fully.


As for what you do now? No contact of any type.
I mean absolute 100% blankety-blank. Even if she contacts you. Erase her from your life completely for at least next 8 months. Zero Bebo, texting etc etc

No desperdo happy crimbo texts looking like all you doing its thinking about her.

She's a different person now. All women are after break-ups. She won't feel sorry for you and come running.

If and BIG IF you happen to fall back into friendship in a years time so be it. Until live your own life ............etc

Oh ya, and get laid asap.. ...................dont be picky for the next 6 months.!!!

callmealan

Its difficult breaking up with someone and pretty painfull stuff.! And it does get easier with time! She is probably trying to replace this gap in her life which was once you. And going out wanting to be needed!(hence the guy on her arm!) With time she will understand this and realise what she has done.

Everyone has different ways of dealing with this situation and you seem to be a little more honest with yourself about this problem.

Its xmas and there are lots of parties, its a good time to go out and have some fun with a few friends.

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I went out had alot of fun with my friends and just got phone numbers from nice girls. Sent plenty of flirty texts. This helped my confidence and I realised that there are plenty of nice women out there, not just my ex. I felt this way I didn't hurt anyone or myself. I was totally honest with them and myself, didn't upset anyone and made some good friends out of it and maybe more!

At the end of the day its up to you to move on, you can say to yourself that life is **** and mope around the house all day or the half full option is, I can now have a new life, play a sport which I didn't have time when I had a gf! An maybe flirt with a few women to get back in to the chatting up stage. As you know half the battle is in the chase and it can be alot of fun but don't hurt anyone.

Last advice, don't contact the ex for a good long time, its always a bad idea. If you suffer from depression, and you meet up with the ex. This will upset you and when you get upset and down, you don't make good decisions. Best to see her when you are on the up and are more capable of making good informative decisions about the relationship.

Happy xmas,

Nalz

I agree with all of the above. Great post by callmealan. I too was on the bad side of s breakup (if there is one) and the things I learned (the hard way I must say!) is all those clíches are true

Time does heal
Life goes on - it doesnt stop for you
Plenty more fish in the see
Smoking Kills (dont take up smoking, I went back on the fags like a fool)

It is up to you to fill gaps and make changes in your life. Whether it be activities, hobbies, work, courses etc... You will find that you will get over her and it will be more the lonliness and boredom that will get to you more so than the person that ya were crazy about gone from your life.

Its tough. Really tough. I missed my ex like crazy. Missed her family. Missed having a girlfriend who was my best friend and a great laugh. I missed all the stupid things we did etc. She just moved on, we were getting too comfortable too young too soon. We dont talk now becuase I couldnt handle the breakup for a whole 2 months. Thats why I say to you dont contact her for a while, try your best to change things in your life. Small things can make a difference. Enjoy Christmas with your family and friends.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks lads, seriously cheers. I will stay away and no contact. Should i even send her an xmas text or happy new years text? she prob wouldnt reply but do you think it would be the right thing to do?

Mighty_Mouse

if you want to play the part of the deperado cant-let-go ex-boyfriend then do so.

My advice is dont. Erase her phone number from your phone immediately. If really necessarry write it down somewhere. At least you wont text drunk over christmas that way.

Its over dude. Whats the point in contacting her?

My advice is literally blank her from your life until at some stage a long way down the road your feel your over it. Then you can talk and chat etc but until then get rid of her .

Even if she wants to see you. Dont . No more bs, conversations, deep thoughts and emotions. Erase her from your life in the knowledge that you literally just have to grind out the time not contacting her until your over it.

Nalz

what-next? wrote:

Thanks lads, seriously cheers. I will stay away and no contact. Should i even send her an xmas text or happy new years text? she prob wouldnt reply but do you think it would be the right thing to do?

We broke up in July, fell out by September...still I was so tempted to send her a "happy Christmas to ya and all your family". Was so close to doing so, but I didnt. Im glad I didnt. Take it from me, its probably best to let the land lie for a while.

LegacyUser

'ok. point taken. cheers for all the advice and have a happy x-mas. if anyone else has any input please feel free to comment. thanks lads. great help. '

whiskeyman

Trilla wrote:

still I was so tempted to send her a "happy Christmas to ya and all your family". Was so close to doing so, but I didnt. Im glad I didnt. Take it from me, its probably best to let the land lie for a while.

I'd agree. You really got to keep your mind off her. These things can take a lot of time.
Chin up, and enjoy Christmas. Look forward to the new year and plan more things to keep yourself busy and happy.
Best of luck

AnonoBoy

Just a word of warning - in a while you probably will meet someone and hit it off with them. Be careful about jumping straight into a relationship with them (especially if they're a friend) as whether you realise it or not it's probably a rebound thing. I'm speaking from experience here and it can make things awkward - I ended up unneccesarily hurting someone I really like because I didn't believe I was on the rebound.

Mojito

AnonoBoy wrote:

Just a word of warning - in a while you probably will meet someone and hit it off with them. Be careful about jumping straight into a relationship with them (especially if they're a friend) as whether you realise it or not it's probably a rebound thing. I'm speaking from experience here and it can make things awkward - I ended up unneccesarily hurting someone I really like because I didn't believe I was on the rebound.

To ture AnonoBoy, the same thing happened to me!