Afraid of oral sex

SilverChair

Hi, Im a guy, 21 and from what I can tell I seem to be afraid of getting head. I have no idea why.

I was a late bloomer but over the past year I think Ive become somewhat sexually active. A brief synopsis of my problems history:
I couldnt get it up the first time a girl offered me a blow job but I put it down to normal enough nerves.

The second girl Id been seeing a while and at the end of a long foreplay session she went for it and I again, couldnt get an erection. I put it down to being tired. Next time she tried she moved in quickly from a hand job and I lost an erection durting it. I never really thought about it, just maybe that she wasnt much good.:rolleyes:
This was actually really weird because I had a hard on when I was around her 24/7

Since then there have been two other girls, I didnt have a problem with either. In fact I absolutly love oral sex. With both these girls I could last forever during sex.

But once again the problems back. Ive a new girlfriend. If we're fooling around and she starts moving towards giving me a blow job my member vanishes. I can maintain an erection during a bj but if she pauses for more than a few seconds I go soft.

Ive stopped masterbating so as to be always ready. We do the type of forplay I like but the only way I can stay hard when it comes to bj time is to close my eyes and let my imagination keep me excited.

Im a horny enough person, Im happy with myself and my body. I never *thought* I was scared or nervous but I cant really explain whats happening to me. I cant believe Im impotent since it only seems to effect me receiving oral sex.

Thoughts?

Suggestions on how to deal with problem / maintain an erection

humbert

Quite simply, you think too much.

thegrandone

Don't worry about it, its quite normal to be the only gay in the village

Talliesin

What do you think of oral sex in terms of fantasies/attitudes?

What do you think of coming in a partner's mouth or on her face? Sexy, indifferent or disrespectful and therefore something you might be afraid of doing, leading you to have a block about receiving a blow job at all?

You could try just letting your partner play with your penis without any particular goal so to speak. Just lie back, talk sexy talk and let her play with it as she likes and not worry about whether it's going floppy or not. Some people like playing with floppy penises, believe it or not, and if she does you could find that ironically the more you try to hold onto it being floppy so she can do so the stiffer it gets.

Kilkenny

humbert wrote:

Quite simply, you think too much.

Silverchair, I reckon Humbert is right.

There is a voice somewhere in your sub-cons. going:
"Oh, she's going to do it ... you know what will happen!" ... so it does. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

If everything is working in other circumstances, ther's nothing wrong with you.

Try something to relax / distract you.

Or just avoid this situation for a while.

Not sure that stopping normal activities is a good idea, either ... you're only re-inforcing the idea that "something is seriously wrong, and I need to change my habits to deal with it".

LegacyUser

'Ah I used to be like this with my current g/f. I always go so self concious when I started to lose my erection. Partial blame goes to her inexperience, the rest goes to myself being uncomfortable and as was said earlier "self-fulfilling prophecy. In my case, a few things sorted it out.
For one, I said something during oral once, along the lines of "You're not gonna get get me off like this, i keep going soft" to which she replied "So?" If you're girlfriend is anyway decent, she's giving you oral to give you pleasure, whether or not you're erect. That pretty much sorted my head out, now I just sit back/stand and enjoy it no matter.
Two, her technique improved, and she finally started giving me handjobs (previous to this, she never would, but there was a good reason behind it). With plenty of stimulation, and good technique you won't go soft. Now, if I do start to soften, she just stops, kisses me and gives me a handjob till I'm back to full strength as it were.

I'd say talk to your g/f, it always helps. Just tell her that what she's doing isn't the problem ('cause she probably thinks that). Take you're time, and just enjoy the ride '

LegacyUser

'I didnt have the loss of erection you seem to have but definately uncomfotable receivng oral sex from a girl, It was a mental block
i had, i kind of felt guilty abott lying there while she pleasured me.

My girlfried at the time noticed this and being a very open person
she had no trouble talking to me about it in a sane way (away form bedroom)
I had no problem giving her oral sex and actually really liked doing it as it is a huge turn on to know ur getting the other person off. She told me it was exactly the same for her she got a huge kick from doing it, more from the results than the act itself.

What really helped was doing in 69 possition, that way we could both do it at the same time, and the fact the other person is pleasuring u makes u try harder to please them and so on and so on...............'

girl25

hey have u discussed this problem with ur partner at the mo. Did u ever have ur penis hurt while getting a bj that cud be one reason as to why u go soft. Or as someone else said ur thinking too much, that can happen women too i know myself i have a high sex drive but sumtimes just cant orgasim as i think too much about it and as soon as irelax myself again and stop thinking so much about it i m away lol . Why dont u try lying back relaxing and leaving ur eyes open and get ur gf to make it all visually pleasing like watch her licking it and that might help get ya over the fear ya know. well hope all goes ok for ya

LegacyUser

I agree, you're thinking way too much. Just relax. Don't think about anything else other than what's happening.

Dark Hair

girl25 wrote:

hey have u discussed this problem with ur partner at the mo. Did u ever have ur penis hurt while getting a bj that cud be one reason as to why u go soft. Or as someone else said ur thinking too much, that can happen women too i know myself i have a high sex drive but sumtimes just cant orgasim as i think too much about it and as soon as irelax myself again and stop thinking so much about it i m away lol . Why dont u try lying back relaxing and leaving ur eyes open and get ur gf to make it all visually pleasing like watch her licking it and that might help get ya over the fear ya know. well hope all goes ok for ya

Most women are not good/basically rubbish at giving head. A bit like men are crap at like wise.

Women think having the Penis in their mouth and licking it/sucking... is good.
eh.. good on you.

OP.. if it's not happening... it's not. open your mouth.. or keep it closed.

hand action = good.

girl25

Dark Hair wrote:

Most women are not good/basically rubbish at giving head. A bit like men are crap at like wise.

Women think having the Penis in their mouth and licking it/sucking... is good.
eh.. good on you.

OP.. if it's not happening... it's not. open your mouth.. or keep it closed.

hand action = good.

em i dont know what world ur living in i know plenty of men who will tell ya sum girls are quite good at giving head and my partner loves a one and wudnt be afraid to tell a girl if she was ****

Talliesin

Well, few of us are naturally talented and there does need to be a bit of thought and experimentation into giving head whether it's to a man or a woman - the difference between experience and merely doing something a lot is that experience is examined for what you can learn from it.

So yes, plenty of women are crap at felatio and plenty of men are crap at cunnilingus.

Hell, some gay men are crap at giving head too and no doubt this is also true of lesbians, though I can't comment from personal experience on that last permutation.

However there's a difference between merely poor oral sex, which is generally at least pleasant and which is a starting point for developping your technique, both in general and in terms of what a particular partner really likes, and having a fear of it.

Fear of receiving oral sex is not at all uncommon, though what is going on in each case varies, hence my questions to the OP.

Steve01

Can't blame you for being nervous, she'll bite it off if your not careful

Nevyn

Steve01, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

rediguana

Start giving. Forget about receiving for now. At least you're fully in control with the giving.

Take the focus off receiving, and it will follow the natural laws in due course.

I'm a guy but I suspect that girls prefer having attention lavished on THEM instead of they having to make all the effort. They'll appreciate it.

Marksie

girl25 wrote:

Did u ever have ur penis hurt while getting a bj that cud be one reason as to why u go soft. Or as someone else said ur thinking too much, that can happen women too i know myself i have a high sex drive but sumtimes just cant orgasim as i think too much about it and as soon as irelax myself again and stop thinking so much about it i m away lol .

Yeah, some guys get very sensitive when reciveing oral sex. maybe if you experiment with different ways of performing it rather than one single way? l;icking the head and shaft for example or the fremen? or using the hand to strokewhile the mouth playe with the tip.
It could be that you are getting hung up on it..the i expect it to happen and it will.
Communicate with your G/F and and tell her what the issue is and then play together with it. Try to switch off and concetrate on the sensations being produced not what is the likely outcome and communicate this as well what feels good and what doesnt.