In a weird place!

LegacyUser

Right this isn't the worst problem in the world by no means but I feel little bit out of place in my new life.

This year I finished college, moved to a new town with my fella, and started a new job with a small company.

Now my problem is this, I can't identify with anyone I work with!
I'm 22, fresh out of college and they're all in their late 20s early 30s, all they talk about is their babies and their houses.

I've been on a few nights out with them but the age gap or lifestyle gap even is just too much I always just feel so awkward and out of place!

All my "old" friends are still in college or on "a year out", and I can't really identify with that anymore.

I know I've changed, they all say I'm "too grown up" but I just don't know how to act anymore.

I don't want to spend a night out ramming vodka down my throat in effort to get as drunk as possible as fast as I can but I don't want to sit around sipping wine and being bored to tears hearing about other peoples kids!

I would probably make more of an effort to get to know people better if it wasn't so easy to just go home at night and curl up with himself in front of the tv!!
But I feel like he's the only person I can identify with at the moment.

I'm lucky that I have him and all but I feel a bit lonely sometimes.

Firetrap

I think you know the answer to this. You'll need to make more of an effort to make friends outside of work. I think as well that most people finally grow up when they start working. Your old friends will undergo that change as well when they finally enter the grown up world properly. Did they tell you that you're too grown up? That's harsh if they did.

As for your workmates, you surely have to have some common ground somewhere with them. I've worked with people older than me and it wasn't a problem. Maybe it was because they were mostly male (no boring house/baby talk there). There has to be something else you can talk about.

Sleepy

I went through pretty much the exact same thing when I started work OP. I was the youngest in the department by a good 5/6 years on my first day. Over the last three years we've hired more people my age and younger which makes it easier but it's still not the same (and never will be) as being at college where you're surrounded by people of the same age and interests. Your old college friends will grow up a bit when they get jobs too. For now, you're just going to have to ride it out. College is over. Life starts now and it's probably not going to be as good as college was ever again (until kids/marriage maybe, I haven't got that far yet). Be grateful for what you have in that you have himself to keep you company in this journey.

MonkeyWrench

Welcome to the real world! I'm in a similar situation myeslf at the moment but i'm in my late twenties myself and surrounded by people in their late thirties and early forties in work. The first job I got out of college was with a company whom were hiring alot of graduates so I was lucky in the sense that I spent 2 years surrounded by people of similar age after college. I knew once I moved on to a different company it wouldn't be the same again. The only advice I can offer is to put up with it as much as you can and if people are focussing too much on kids conversation, drop a bit of humour in to sidetrack the conversation another way. Try and makes friends outside work with people of similar age. There is no easy solution really but I know the next company I get interviewed for that as part of the interview process I will try to determine the age of people I will be working with before I accept the job. Good luck!

seamus

It's quite common when you first leave college. Naturally you'll have made friends who are at different stages of college than you (or on longer courses), and when college is over, you all start going in your opposite ways.

It is all a bit new - all through school and college you have a group of friends with whom you share a common timetable, or general common subjects. Then once you start working, you may all start doing completely different jobs, with differing hours/shifts and in entirely different places. It's common to feel like you've lost control of your life or that you're lonely. It will pass.

Try not to let your mates' lives rule yours - just because they're going out and getting lamped midweek, doesn't mean that you have to. Suit yourself. If you want to go out on a Friday, then it'll always be possible to find people to join you. As more and more of your mates get jobs and "real lives", you'll find yourself being able to identify with them more, and with them being more interested in being "grown up".

Froot

little_bit_lost wrote:

my problem is this, I can't identify with anyone I work with!
I'm 22, fresh out of college and they're all in their late 20s early 30s, all they talk about is their babies and their houses.

I've been on a few nights out with them but the age gap or lifestyle gap even is just too much I always just feel so awkward and out of place!

I did the same for 13 months. Even the next youngest person I worked with (who was 23) was in the process of buying a house. I found that it was negatively affecting me so I left.

embee

OP - I totally sympathise.

I had a baby in February, and since then, I don't feel like I can relate a whole bunch to the people at work. I work weekends, in a call centre, so EVERYONE else on my team is a student, working weekends for college money etc. None of them have kids and all the added concerns, so when I went back to work after Maternity Leave, I found it difficult to click back with them. Also, I had been a Monday-Friday fulltime employee before my Maternity Leave, and coming back to weekends meant I knew absolutely no one. I actually considered throwing in the towel initially, it was so hard to try and get talking to them.

But, I perservered, and found other things to talk about. If someone mentioned a film, I'd talk about films I liked etc. If there was a group conversation about some news story, I'd give my opinion. I'd get involved in debates about football etc. Its all about putting yourself out there - no one will ever try to relate to you if they know nothing about you. My workmates could have decided that I was a young Mammy and therefore only wanted to talk babies all day, but I deliberately talk about my daughter as little as possible at work. Now, things are great. I've made some new friends at work. We go out to the cinema from time to time after work on a Friday night. Sure, I can't go out drinking with them all the time, or even round to their house of an evening, but it doesn't mean that they think any less of me. We are having a Christmas Party on December 21st, and up until a month ago, I was dreading it and was seriously thinking of not going, pulling the old "I've no babysitter" line, but I am now actively looking forward to it.

None of my friends have kids either, so, after I had my daughter, I had to go about re-assessing my friendships with them. There is a healthy balance though - they appreciate that I can't just come out drinking on a whim and get buckled drunk. I do my best to make time for them in other ways - I ring them more than I used to, call around for coffee, go to the cinema, go on a weekend road trip. They offer to help with the baby - in return, I'm still a good listener when they moan about their boyfriends/girlfriends/parents etc.

You should try, if at all possible, to make some friends outside of the workplace. Are you involved with any sports clubs or amateur dramatic societies? If there is something you are interested in, perhaps take up some of your free time getting out there and meeting new people. I know someone who was in your exact position a few years ago - he went and joined St Johns Ambulance, and he has made a load of new friends (and he's engaged to a girl he met through there!).

Good luck!

Black Swan

Is there anything that you really enjoy doing? Join a group that does it. Good way to make friends who share your interests.

LegacyUser

'thanks for all the replies,

I guess the problem is meself really, I was never really any good at making friends until I went to college.

I don't really have any interests as such,

I used to play music but I found that caused more problems than it solved (long story). I want to do an evening course in something as soon as I get some cash together so maybe that will help.'