Screwed up situation

LegacyUser

So going unreg for this ... I dont know what to think.

I was going out with a girl for some time, we were in love, she ended up with someone else, had a bad patch for a while, thats all in the past anyway it doesnt matter anymore, what matters is the present.

So long story short, i'm involved with 3 women at the same time, my ex, a friend and a girl who i met some time ago.

I dont think i have feelings for my ex anymore, shes involved with this guy that she left for me on and off. We had sex and it was amazing, it was never like that when we were going out. I dont want any sort of relationship with her as im just not willing to take the risk that she'll break my heart again, it took me a long time to get over it.

I have another girl i've been seeing on and off, i dont think theres anything there but we have fantastic sex but thats about it, i think shes pretty much a rebound from my ex girlfriend.

I also have a friend who i get on quite well with and something happened with her too ! We didnt have full on intercourse but other stuff happened, shes a bit wierd in that she never talks about anything and mainly keeps her personal thoughts to herself.

There was a fourth but we fell out simply because i didnt have enough time!

They all know about each other, some people would say this is great ... three women !! but tbh it just leaves you feeling empty and guilty.

I don't know what i want out of all of this, i just wish it was less complicated and more simple to love someone and only be with them.

I feel guilty because i put this wierdness between me and a friend more than anything

I didnt mean for any of this to happen...... I dont know what to do!

Jesus writing this down makes it sound even more insane! I feel like such a dirtbag It feels like i let myself get to close to people to easily, i'v'e got to stop this somehow because ill never find happiness this way.

Dors1976

It does sound like the situation is leaving you feeling empty. My advice would be to take time to yourself and don't contact these women. If you stand back from the situation you might see it in a clearer light, probably even posting here might make you realise how you have been feeling.

But if you just want sex then make sure you are using protection especially as you are sleeping around.

Marksie

Being polyamoury is a very difficult situation handle correctly at the best of times, and this doesnt seem to be the best of times and it should be rewarding to all involved. Regardless of how happy they appear to be or not, it is you that is unhappy, you have to sit down and decide whether this situation is really what you want.
If necessary a clean break from all three is what is required and time to sort yourself out

LegacyUser

'I guess so, not going to break complete contact but not initiate anything. I'll need to get control over this. I need to refrain and say no! I dont think its to do with how it feels with them, its just its inhibiting my ability to meet someone that i could really love.'

Black Swan

Sounds like you're playing the field? If you don't like the shallowness, then you need to make a choice about one of the girls, and break it off with all others?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

What's with all the bloody sex? Do you see these people as women as just places to deposit sperm? Sorry for the crdieness, but that's what's coming over, no pun intented.

The only think you tell us is what they're like in bed, leading me to believe that that's the only thing you're interested in or feel is relevant.

Who are these women? Do you know? Suggest you find out, then make your decisions....

Static M.e.

I dont understand what your problem is? you feel empty because your sleeping with 3 different women.?

Do you like any of them in particular? are you leading any of them on?

I feel guilty because i put this wierdness between me and a friend more than anything

First off take care of your friend. Talk to her.

I didnt mean for any of this to happen...... I dont know what to do!

If your not hurting anyone, enjoy it. It wont last (Not meant in a bad way but people move on, including yourself)

Jesus writing this down makes it sound even more insane! I feel like such a dirtbag It feels like i let myself get to close to people to easily, i'v'e got to stop this somehow because ill never find happiness this way.

You won't find "Happiness" just because your stop either. Your reading too much into the situation. You sound like your looking for a GF rather than a fk buddy (Excuse the langauge) but just because you stop having sex with your 3 friends doesnt mean you will find your GF.

I think if your found someone you liked you would very quickly drop the other 3 in a heartbeat.

Do you simply feel bad because your sleeping with three women and you think you should feel bad?

Hobart

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

What's with all the bloody sex? Do you see these people as women as just places to deposit sperm? Sorry for the crdieness, but that's what's coming over, no pun intented.

It's amazing, isn't it? Somebody actually enjoying sex, and talking about it.

I suppose you are correct though, at it's most basic level he is depositing sperm (assuming he actually ejaculates), although I would theorise that he uses a sheath of some sort and therfore while technically he is depositing sperm while having sex with these Women, he is probably depositing the actual sperm etc... in a condom.

The only think you tell us is what they're like in bed, leading me to believe that that's the only thing you're interested in or feel is relevant.

May I suggest you actually re-read what the op said? While he uses his experiences with these women in a descriptive manner, the overall tone of his post suggests that he is having issues with "his" feelings for them.

In fact he goes on to say that he feels guilt, while in this particular situation. I presume by his act of posting he is actually looking for some advice on how best to move on from this current situation, and not a critique, albeit a well thought out one, such as you have given us.

Who are these women? Do you know? Suggest you find out, then make your decisions....

I presume the fact that these women, or at least two of them, are willing sexual partners, it would suggest that the op does know them.

I suppose OP you can look at it two ways. You can continue as you are, having sex with 2-3 Women and enjoy it. The fact that all the individuals involved semm to know the existence of each other so go some way towards assuaging any guilt you have about "doing the dirt" on each of them. Sow your seed while you can because, it will not last...or You cuold take a back seat and stop having relations with them all, for a period of time. Give yourself some time, and get your head straight.

One thing from your post screams out at me, and I'll ask you this question from my (maybe incorrect) observations. Have you fully gotten over the break-up with your girlfriend?

Aoife-FM104

I don't think there's anything wrong with being with so many women, but if you're not happy, change your situation.

In 10 years time, when you're looking back at this moment in your life, what do you think you'll wish you had done? Whatever the answer is, that's what you need to do.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Hobart wrote:

It's amazing, isn't it? Somebody actually enjoying sex, and talking about it.

ScrewedUp in original post wrote:

tbh it just leaves you feeling empty and guilty.

I don't know what i want out of all of this, i just wish it was less complicated and more simple to love someone and only be with them.

I feel guilty because i put this wierdness between me and a friend more than anything

I didnt mean for any of this to happen...... I dont know what to do!

Jesus writing this down makes it sound even more insane! I feel like such a dirtbag

What in the name of all that is holy made you think he's 'enjoying' it?

I presume the fact that these women, or at least two of them, are willing sexual partners, it would suggest that the op does know them.

Know them IN DEPTH. Not know who they are.

Hobart

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

What in the name of all that is holy made you think he's 'enjoying' it?

Screwedup wrote:

We had sex and it was amazing, it was never like that when we were going out.

Screwedup wrote:

but we have fantastic sex

Hence my "having sex and enjoying it" line. I also do not see the OP having any issues with the actual act, more the feelings of guilt "post-act".

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

Know them IN DEPTH. Not know who they are.

I presume he "knows" his ex-girlfriend. I also presume he knows these Women enough to be having sex with them, so, I don't really see how knowing them "In depth" anymore than he already does will address the feelings he is dealing with in his conscience.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Hobart wrote:

Hence my "having sex and enjoying it" line. I also do not see the OP having any issues with the actual act, more the feelings of guilt "post-act".

I presume he "knows" his ex-girlfriend. I also presume he knows these Women enough to be having sex with them, so, I don't really see how knowing them "In depth" anymore than he already does will address the feelings he is dealing with in his conscience.

See your point, but therein lies the problem...

I've reread it and I still think the problem is he rates the sex higher than he rates the girl. Which is fine if that's what you want, but he's not happy with the status as it stands.

LegacyUser

'Well ... I was always in a long term relationship so i guess i went with this to see what it was like ?

In answer to your question, i am over my ex in an emotional way but its more of a sexual attraction simply because shes hot I don't to like get back with her or anything (although she did say she thinks this)

I guess i was sick of always having to be there for someone, having to alienate my friends etc ... and i'm having a welcome break from it.

I do know these women, I know them quite well in fact, I do like the sex and i do like the lack of ties and complications of a relationship. I think when i posted on saturday i was just a bit upset, sort of a culmination of stuff and i was quite tired. Now that i'm recharged after a long sleep its not all bad.. Sleep can give you a fresh perspective on things.

At the end of the day i just don't want to hurt anyone and if i do meet someone that i did have both with (emotional + sex) well .. fall in love i guess i would drop this 3 way thing.'